So Thankful For My Son’s Teacher Telling Me About Her Ex Being A Narcissist

I had to talk to my youngest son’s teacher this morning, about my son leaving school early today, for an appointment with a child psychologist. I decided to explain why and that his father is narcissistic. I didn’t know how that would be received, but I needed his teacher to understand how my son is being affected.

I am SO glad I did, because she totally understood and explained her ex – the father of her daughter – is also a narcissist and she has been through hell due to him over the last 6 years. She even had to have 6 months off work, due to him making her so ill emotionally, mentally and physically. She totally understood why I am currently physically unwell and the emotional and psychological toll and impact on all the family.

She said yesterday – Fathers Day – was awful for her and her daughter was upset and it was not a good time. I explained yesterday was not good for us either.

She totally understood everything I have been going through and the effect on my children. She said she has noticed my son zoning out a bit and she also said that he is such an intelligent boy, that he would no doubt be a straight A grade student, if it weren’t for these issues at home. And I appreciated her honesty and being so understanding of how his father is affecting him.

What ‘World Teachers Day’ has shown me about my child & my parenting ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

It’s World Teachers Day today. My younger son has a wonderful teacher. So, my son made a card and we bought some beautiful flowers yesterday. But, what my son wanted to give his teacher most of all – was doughnuts. Because he remembered from months ago, her saying they are her favourite food.

We couldn’t find any doughnuts yesterday and he was really disappointed. So, this morning my son gave his teacher the flowers and card (which he drew doughnuts on) and I had a request from my son, to go and keep looking and find some doughnuts and bring them at school pick up time.

I encouraged this, because this is my son knowing what is special to his teacher, and then wanting to give her this.

So, I went to the shop and bought doughnuts and he gave them to her at the end of the school day. And she was delighted with them! I could tell she felt this was really special. And I thanked her for being such an amazing teacher and how appreciated she is.

I am aware I teach my children empathy, to consider other people’s feelings and needs, and to be kind and giving.

My teenage son “you are the most caring person, Mum”

I had a moment today, which almost reduced me to tears. We were sat eating dinner.

My teenage son (14), asked me how my day went. I explained I had a lovely time at my  ladies group. And how I am so happy to see some of the group members, have made friends with each other, and meet up outside of the group, along with their husbands. To which my son responded with “you are the most caring person, Mum”.

And he really meant it. He doesn’t say things like that unless he really means them. And he is pretty vocal about his views and opinions, because I allow him that safety of respectfully speaking his mind.

It meant a lot to me, that my sons see I am caring. Because modelling that to them, is important. I am aware my empathic and caring nature, has a great influence on them developing that in their personalities too.

When I set up my ladies group, I did it because there are lots of people who are lonely, for many different reasons. There are ladies who are new to the area/country, who are divorced and have lost their friends, who’s partners are not keen on socialising, who have been ill and lost friends in the process, who’s partners are deceased, who are taking care of relatives, escaping domestic violence. Many reasons.

To offer them a safe group, where they feel welcomed, where they can just chat over a coffee, matters. It matters to them. And I am so glad that I have been able to provide this. I’ve weeded out a few shitty people, which means the group is lovely. And going so well. And I enjoy their company too.

So, to see my teenage son, understand this is caring about people, matters. To know they see me, doing something that benefits others and not just myself, matters. Especially in this increasingly egocentric, selfish, narcissistic world we live in.

Alternative health ‘practitioners’ need to be banned from treating children.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-07-09/sydney-naturopath-who-allegedly-advised-mum-over-baby-arrested/6607296

I am a child advocate. I advocate for the right and needs of children, to be treated appropriately and with respect.

This includes all their health needs.

Far too many of these alternative health people, who are not registered, are not doctors, are harming children.

Parents are often not discerning enough and need to realise, they are not front line health providers, even though many pretend to be.

I believe there needs to be a complete legal ban, on all alternative health providers, treating children.

Adults can do as they wish to themselves, but children need to be protected under law. Because all too often parents fail to provide appropriately.

It is a choice to parent well and model empathy and compassion.

My children are modelled empathy, caring, and considering other people’s needs and feelings. This is modelled by me and they both have the capacity for empathy and caring. Which is demonstrated frequently and is noticed by other people, like teachers.

My mouth is so sore, from having a partially erupted, infected wisdom tooth removed, which involved cutting bone, as well as the gum.

My 13 year old has been asking me what he can do to help me, and my 7 year old brought me his favourite ‘tiddy’ to cuddle, to help me feel better.

I am feeling very loved. And thankful I am raising caring and empathic sons.

I often have moments with my own children, were I realise I am teaching them things I was never shown in my own childhood. And despite everything I have endured, I am a parent who tries really hard to parent well, cares, worries, researches, asks advice etc.

I always come back to the same question… if I was so badly abused, not modelled anything healthy…. and yet I am such a caring, pro-active mother….. why couldn’t my mother have been the same?

No matter what she may have endured herself as a child, she still could have been a mother like me.

I don’t understand what makes someone be a disgusting vile person, who wants to hurt people, including their own children.

If being abused in childhood, is the reason for someone becoming abusive as an adult, I should be a serial killer. But, I am the opposite. I am not perfect, but I am nothing like my mother.

Childhood abuse, is no excuse to become an abusive adult.

I am not perfect, but I am kind, caring, empathic, and doing everything possible to be a good parent.

I wish I had a reason, that was not a rationalisation, or an excuse, for why people choose to do evil. Particularly over periods of years, decades.

Taking two weeks off my personal Facebook.

It’s the school holidays and I want to spend quality time with my children. I want to ensure they don’t spend too much time on the X Box and their devices.

I want to go to parks, for walks, to the beach….. get out into nature.

I want to prioritise what’s needed and ignore anything else.

When people abuse the ‘don’t shame/judge me’.

The phrases ‘don’t shame me’ and ‘don’t judge me’ – like all things in life, are repeatedly abused by those who do not wish to consider their actions/behaviours as wrong, don’t wish to be accountable for the wrongs/harm they cause and don’t want to go to the effort and courage of changing.

An example is parents who routinely hit their children. And say it is their ‘right’ and will accuse you of ‘parent-shaming’ and ‘judgment’ if you have a viewpoint that hitting children is wrong/assault/domestic violence.

It is absolutely okay and necessary to have wise, sober judgment. And okay to stand up for children’s rights.

I have smacked my children a handful of times, in the past. But, I knew within me, this was wrong. So, I made the choice to learn everything I could about more appropriate ways to manage behaviour. I also in the process learned from reputable child development, child psychology and neuroscience experts…. how hitting children, is harmful.

I made the choice, to accept smacking/hitting children is wrong, and learn a better way to parent.

So, this is what other people could also choose.

It’s not about demanding you feel ‘parent shamed’ or ‘judged’ and being defensive and immature in response.

It’s about doing what’s best for our children, letting go of the ego that cannot cope with being wrong, and choosing to learn and grow.

I see the people demand they have been ‘shamed’ and judged’ about this issue, are simply abusing those phrases, due to their ego issues and failure to want to what’s right and accept we can be wrong and learn. It’s not about saying parents are ‘bad’ for hitting their children (although in too many cases, it is abuse). It’s about the maturity to consider what we can do better.

I’m not shaming anyone when I say I believe hitting children is wrong. It is a very educated, informed understanding. And it’s about empathy. Respect. And treating my children, with same dignity, I want for myself. I don’t want to be hit. So why would I think it’s okay to hit my children? There are other ways to parent and manage behaviour.

Being a mother, always keeps me going.

The last few weeks, have been pretty dire. Lots of issues, lots of realizations, lots of painful stuff to deal with. It’s knocked me around emotionally. Knocked me down. Really down.

I’m aware, when I’m at my lowest, my children are why I keep going.

Today, is my little boys 7th Birthday. We went to the local zoo and he loved it. Seeing him having such fun and seeing the joy in my children, made me know why I keep going.

I could very easily have stayed in bed, and just cried all day. But, I got up, and did what was needed, so my little boy had a great day.

It has been a really good day.

And an exhausting day.

I love my children.

And even when I feel like I have nothing else… I know I have my boys.

My children are back at school & I need the peace & quiet.

My children started back at school today, after 6 weeks of the summer holidays. My children enjoyed their holidays. We did lots of great stuff, they had lots of fun, and some rest, which I believe is necessary.

I have enjoyed the school holidays too………. but I have also missed having regular peace and quiet during the day. I am aware not to feel guilty about this.

My children had a great school holidays and they need to go to school. And I have PTSD, so I have an increased need for time alone and avoiding stress. And even the increased noise of children – increases my PTSD symptoms. Which I managed really well, throughout the 6 weeks.

So today, I am trying to not to allow myself to feel guilty about enjoying the peace and quiet. I’m not going to tell myself that I am a bad mother, for being absolutely okay with my children being back in school.

I will not feel guilty.

I will try not to feel guilty.

I do feel a little guilty.

Okay… I will try to be okay with knowing on one level

The lack of insight, my husband and his parents choose.

I am aware people have varying levels of self insight. And I believe there can be an unwillingness to look within, combined sometimes with a lower capacity, to look within and why.

An example of this is my in-laws, and my husband.

I know my in-laws parented their children, from a basic level of parenting, but missed some really important areas of parenting and there was also neglect. They are the type of parents who believe that as long as they fed their kids, made them go to school, and their kids didn’t annoy them, their parenting was enough. And it was not.

They neglected their kids in some really important areas of development. And they didn’t teach their kids crucial life skills, or how to handle own behaviours in a healthy way. They failed to teach their children to be honest. And instead just how to have a false image of who you are. They failed to teach them social skills, how to view women respectfully, empathy (as they have none), and many other areas of development.

One of the ways they failed to teach their sons how to respect women, was in allowing them as teenagers to have pornographic posters of women topless on their bedroom walls. Pornography affects teenagers brains and mindsets, in a really negative way. And they watched porn as teenagers. Another way, was in both of them referring continually about other women in disrespectful terms, such as ‘pieces’. As in ‘look at that piece’. There are many other examples, and this did not teach their boys to be respectful to women. And it made their boys, see women as sexual objects. They also refused to have conversations about sex, relationships and what is respectful in terms of intimacy.

These issues alone, have created big issues for their son, my husband. And they affected our marriage in serious ways. my counsellor knows about all this, and has confirmed that my husband has selfish, narcissistic issues, and he needs his own counselling.

Neither of his parents, think they have done anything wrong within their parenting. And I can guarantee, they will not have sat and thought about whether their parenting was healthy, or not. They have no self insight, and no willingness to either.

They also don’t know their daughter is a drug addict and has been smoking weed, since her own daughter was a baby, and probably before that. They ignore the fact that their daughter de-frauds benefits, by claiming to be a single mother, when she is living with her partner for many years. And she has no conscience, no remorse, no guilt, no shame about this. A complete sense of entitlement. And she also has no capacity for empathy.

My husband has had no choice but to face his issues, because I have told him his issues, all of which have been confirmed as relationship, disrespect, selfishness etc issues. And he has already been diagnosed with personality disorder issues. But, they do not render him incapable of being different, it is an unwillingness. He is also a compulsive liar.

Having watched recent interactions between him and his parents for a week, I can see clearly their shallow and unhealthy dynamic. My husband puts up a false image of who he is (as he did with me when we first met), and he never talks about his issues with his parents. And they choose only to see the ‘good’ stuff…. to make their lives easy. My husband never own his poor behaviours, unless he has to. No integrity and as a result, I was given a very false image of who he was. I only started to learn who he really is, by finding out from others about really shocking things he has done. Only then did he admit to them, defensively, by minimizing and having tantrums.