Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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“Forgive & Forget” – I always knew this was wrong & it is narcissist behaviour.

 

I see so clearly how this is a typical narcissistic trait – it gives abusive people the perfect way to abuse others and then demand you just forgive and forget – with no consequences to the behaviour.

I see clearly how church people/religious people LOVE to use this to do as they wish, have no consequences to their behaviour, have no repentance and put the full responsibility on the person hurt – to do the forgiving – and call them a bad Christian if they don’t.

Abusive religious people love cheap grace and demanding forgiveness – with no repentance. And projecting blame onto the victims. And telling you, you are wrong to feel angry about the abuse/lies you have endured.

I’ve known since I was a child, that people not dealing with their behaviours appropriately, is wrong. Continue reading


Didn’t take long for the trolls to start being abusive about suicide.

Comments on social media – particularly Twitter have now descended further, to outright attacks about people being embarrassing, attention seeking, weak etc.

I knew this would happen, because I know what humanity is like – far too many selfish, lacking in empathy, abusive, coming out to play in their social media playground, looking for ways to vomit their own darkness, to bring others down.

Kicking those vulnerable, while they are already on their knees.

I’ve being advising people repeatedly to avoid media, avoid social media if the current content due to Robin Williams suicide, is affecting them emotionally.

I can see people reacting to provocation – in a highly emotional state. I can see people deliberately winding depressed people up – eg saying suicide is ’embarrassing’ and then when they’ve provoked a reaction – calling the one they have provoked and upset – the bullies.

Typical narcissistic, bullying actions – I’ve seen happening often through my life. I haven’t reacted and just left it alone. I’ve wanted to jump in and defend the person provoked – my protective side of me wanting to help, but I am too fragile to handle it myself right now. Continue reading


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Yes, I sure will ban your arse…

I take my role of admin of my community peer support page seriously. I spent a year, trying to reason with rude, unreasonable, narcissistic, angry, nasty people… Then I listened to advice that said ‘why are you even bothering?’.

And it’s true. It’s not my job or responsibility, to fix every unhealthy person. I’ve taken waaaaaaaay too much of that, in the past.

And I do know, I now only endure, what I allow.

So, yes, if you are rude, nasty, inappropriate, unhealthy, mean, narcissistic, passive aggressive etc – then I will ban your arse off my page. I wont be rude to you, or get angry with you. But, I will not tolerate you.

No arguing. No reasoning. I do not have to explain myself. I’m not anyone’s counsellor, or life coach or emotional punch bag.

I’m not here for every unhealthy person, to attack, vomit their shit & darkness onto. And I do admin my page, for the health and well-being of every person there, as I see fit. I understand some may not appreciate, or like that, or agree with my choices, and that is okay….they can take themselves somewhere else, or maybe set up their own page.

I am person, who deserves respect and to be treated with dignity. And I will insist on that.


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An example of watching ‘children in adult bodies’..at play…

People often ask what is narcissistic behaviour?

Well here is some behaviour that does indeed fit the criterion. Narcissists are bullies.

Malignant narcissists feed off your pain and enjoy seeing you suffer – read here http://house-of-mirrors.blogspot.com.au/2013/03/malignant-narcissists-feed-off-your-pain.html

When insecure ego’s feel threatened and you disagree with them – they go on the attack – like children.
Then like in playgrounds – they find another spiteful friend and gang up.
Then they do the whole giggling and laughing – you know as some children/teenagers do when being nasty and spiteful.
They are simply bullies – like children – in grown up bodies.
Emotional development stunted. Lack empathy, lack remorse, lack conscience.

It is pitiful to watch and the really sad part is – they think it bothers anyone they attack – when it is such immature behaviour – that I feel sorry for them.

They think they are clever and that no-one can see what their behaviour actually is and how pathetic it is. Ego again.

This is a succession of tweets, all because I didn’t ‘agree’ with someone’s opinion about a post of mine about narcissist’s and how they lie and believe their own lies – which they do. I ‘knew’ there was something odd about this woman’s response – red flags were flying, so I did the mature thing and just ignored, blocked. But, the ego in the woman had felt attacked, so she blew up – narcissistic rage? – and her mate drove her along – getting her to do his dirty work for him. So obvious.

You will note the laughing and chuckling – which is further proof of sociopathic/narc behaviour – as they ‘enjoy’ trying to upset people and think it’s amusing.

Normal adult people don’t act like that. Continue reading


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No matter how hard it is, I can stand up to abusive people now. I do. And I will.

Not having a good day at all. But today shows my strength too.

Passive aggressive trolling and harassment from a paedophile, is not what I want to deal with. And he will know that going to an abuse survivors page and commenting on Twitter about anything paedophile or sex offender related, is not okay, not appropriate. He is using his believed ‘rights’ to harass abuse survivors. With no empathy as they don’t. Sick.

Paedophilia is a mental disorder, which means they have sexual attraction to children. Yes I have a mental health disorder – but mine doesn’t create sick thoughts in my head about sexual interest in children. It is completely different.

He ‘claims’ to not act on it. Well of course he will say that. ‘If’ he has acted on it, he’s not likely to say it on a traceable social media account, is he. He certainly knows that contacting abuse survivors will be highly inappropriate, especially ones with PTSD. Was that intended? To cause distress? It’s certainly harassment.

But, despite my considerable distress, flashbacks, memories etc flooding my head, I still did what was needed. I phoned my husband to come home. Good self care. I responded back appropriately to this ‘person’, who doesn’t disclose his name or photo, funnily enough, but hides behind an anon profile. Blocked him and he’s blocked me. Good. I want nothing to do with people who have sexual attraction to children – which is a severe mental impairment of having thoughts and needs that if acted out are criminal and disgusting and are highly abusive to children and cause great harm and suffering and life long consequences and damage people lives. Continue reading


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Started researching why social media is damaging society & health. Wow!

Yes, it is.

Wow, there is so much info from psychologists, human science experts, and the like on how social media is causing more damage to society, than any good it may do.

I am not going to deny this to myself, or be a hypocrite, or pretend and excuse with I feel it is okay.

I just can’t be someone with apathy, someone who can make justifications and excuses to turn something into what I want to hear.

I just can’t.

Social media is increasing many harmful behaviours, damaging people’s psyche’s, causing ridiculous amounts of bullying and narcissism, hindering social skills, hindering education, encourages oversharing, damaging memory, social skills, hindering people getting out and having real interactions, increasing anti-social personalities, anger, aggression, increasing a whole mass of uneducated and unwise opinions and advice, flushing away what used to be genuine emotions and interactions and so much more.

Wow.

That is a whole lotta bad influence and harm.

Scary, actually.


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Learning more about passive aggressive behaviours.

“Behind the smile, a hidden knife!”

― Ancient Chinese saying describing passive-aggressive behaviour

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201401/how-spot-and-deal-passive-aggressive-people

The NYU Medical Center defines a passive-aggressive individual as someone who “may appear to comply or act appropriately, but actually behaves negatively and passively resists.” Passive- aggressive actions can range from the relatively mild, such as making excuses for not getting together, to the very serious, such as sabotaging someone’s well-being and success.

Most chronically passive-aggressive individuals have four common characteristics: They’re unreasonable to deal with, they’re uncomfortable to experience, they rarely express their hostility directly, and they repeat their subterfuge behavior over time. Passive aggressiveness may be directed towards a person or a group.

Before we explore how to effectively handle passive-aggressive people, it’s useful to recognize their common behaviors. Here are three categories of passive aggression:

Disguised Verbal Hostility.

Negative gossip. Sarcasm. Veiled hostile joking — often followed by “just kidding.” Repetitive teasing. Negative orientation. Habitual criticism of ideas, solutions, conditions, and expectations.

Disguised Relational Hostility.

The silent treatment. The invisible treatment. Social exclusion. Neglect. Backstabbing. Two faced. Mixed messages. Deliberate button pushing. Negative or discomforting surprises. Overspending. Sullen resentment. Indirectly hurting something or someone of importance to the targeted person.

Disguised Task Hostility.

Procrastination. Stalling. Forgetting. Stonewalling. Withholding resources or information. Professional exclusion. Denying personal responsibility. Excuse making. Blaming. Broken agreements. Lack of follow through. Resistance. Stubbornness. Rigidity. Avoidance. Inefficiency, complication, incompletion or ruination of task.

Hostility Towards Others Through Self-Punishment (“I’ll show YOU”). Quitting. Deliberate failure. Exaggerated or imagined health issues. Victimhood. Dependency. Addiction. Self-harm. Deliberate weakness to elicit sympathy and favor.

In short, passive aggressiveness is anger, hostility, and/or learned helplessness in disguise, expressed in a covert, underhanded way to “even the score,” and with the hope of “getting away with it.” The perceived payoffs for the passive-aggressive are greater power, control, and negative emotional satisfaction.

Root causes for chronic passive aggression are complex and deep-seated. Whatever the reasons that may drive an individual to be passive-aggressive, it’s not easy when you’re on the receiving end of such veiled hostilities. How can one successfully manage these situations? Here are eight keys to handling passive-aggressive people. Not all of the tips below may apply to your particular situation. Simply utilize what works and leave the rest.

1. Don’t Over React. Reduce Personalization and Misunderstanding.

When you experience possible passive-aggressive behavior from someone for the first time, avoid jumping to a negative conclusion. Instead, come up with multiple ways of viewing the situation before reacting. For example, I may be tempted to think my colleague didn’t return my email because she’s ignoring my suggestion, or I can consider the possibility that she’s taking some time to decide. When we avoid personalizing other people’s behaviors, we can perceive their expressions more objectively. People do what they do because of them more than because of us. Widening our perspective on the situation can reduce the possibility of misunderstanding. Continue reading