Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Michelle Obama, says Beyonce is a great role model…..really!?


I have been quite disappointed in Beyoncé’s demise into needing to be half naked, and writhe around in video’s in a highly sexual manner, which has become a common theme of hers now.

Now, I like Beyoncé, I like some of her music. I don’t think she is a bad person, in any way. But, since getting married, she has for some reason, changed and not all for the better, at all. 

But is this really the ‘message’ we want to send our youth, teenagers etc? 

Do we want girls to believe you have to act like that and be half naked, to be attractive and be like our favourite role model?


Do we want boys to believe this is what girls should be doing and to sexualise them, from such a young age.

Quite frankly, this seriously disappoints me, that someone like Michelle Obama could consider this type of behaviour, to be role model material.

It all feeds in to women being treated as sexual objects and men can treat them as such.

It all feeds in to rape culture and abuse of women being acceptable, condonable, justifiable. Continue reading

Had this amazing quote/poster sent to me today. Theodore Roosevelt ‘It’s not the critic..


I looked this up, to see why this was written….O love to learn and educate myself. This is from Wikipedia..

Citizenship in a Republic is the title of a speech given by the former President of the United States, Theodore Roosevelt at the Sorbonne in Paris, France on April 23, 1910.[1]

One notable passage on page seven of the 35-page speech is referred to as “The Man in the Arena”:[2][3]

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points

out how the strong man stumbles,

or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,

whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;

who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again,

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;

but who does actually strive to do the deeds;

who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions;

who spends himself in a worthy cause;

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement,

and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails

while daring greatly, so that his place shall never

be with those cold and timid souls who

neither know victory nor defeat.


Someone who is heavily involved in a situation that requires courage, skill, or tenacity (as opposed to someone sitting on the sidelines and watching), is sometimes referred to as “the man in the arena.”

Continue reading


I need ‘no contact’ with narcisistic people, to protect my healing. And that *is* okay…




I have to have ‘no contact’ with narcissistic/sociopathic traits people.

They trigger me far too much, due to all the severe abuse in the first 20 years of my life from narcissistic/sociopathic abusers/parents.

It isn’t because I hate people who have mental health issues, like narcissism. I don’t hate them. I wish they could be healed.

But, *my healing* is more important, than having to have these types of people in my life.

It was a looooooong time, before I realised, I needed to think this way. I was programmed since birth, to accept these behaviours and not have any needed responses back. I was programmed through considerable severe abuse, to believe I deserved nothing more, than these abusive behaviours.

I have also worked on not feel guilty/wrong about this perfectly acceptable need/boundary.

I do realise, I trigger easily and the reason for that – being very skilled at picking up on these narcissist traits/behaviours.

Continue reading

We are all at different levels of conscious awareness. And it’s lonely, when awakened.


“We are all in different levels of conscious awareness.

It is rare to find people willing and capable of exploring their inner world, their subconscious, what drives their behaviours and emotions. Most never analysing if they are cognitively distorted and requiring the needed maturity and wisdom of growth.

Most people are only aware of their superficial conscious thoughts and needs and remain that way, all their lives.”

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Continue reading

Joining writers groups, moving into my next stage of healing, whilst learning more…of course.

Following on from the writers conference I attended yesterday, I have found there are 4 writers groups within my area. Each meet monthly, on different days, and different weeks of the month.

So with my husbands shift work in mind, if I attend them all, I don’t have to wait hopefully more than a week to attend the next one, should his shifts collide with the writing group date/time. With this plan in mind, I have decided to attend them all.

As with all things, I feel like a sponge – ready to soak up as much wisdom and knowledge about writing as I can. And I know I need it. My manic side of my personality is eager and excited to just get into all this, as quickly as possible.

I also found some writing courses, I may attend too, to gain specific skills in editing. These skills I am aware being invaluable in writing. And no-one is aware more than I am, about how much I need to learn editing skills lol!.

Not only will I gain much needed wisdom about writing, but I will meet new people, start to deal with my anxiety and I sense this will all enable me to move into the next stage of my healing. Continue reading

Interesting – most read posts – are about deep insight into different types of abusers.


I am aware I have deep insight into abusive people, due to having the need to study them since I was a child, to survive.

I stick to what I know about and don’t claim to have knowledge into anything outside of my own personal insight and research, psychology knowledge.

My insight is about narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, paedophiles, spiritual/religious/church abusers.

I have been commended by many mental health professionals, on this insight. I’ve had many let me know, they direct people to this blog, to see my insight to help their clients understand what has happened to them.

I realise my life has gifted me into extensive understanding of abusers, why the do what they do, how they do it, why so many people don’t see it, and the damage their abuse causes and how to spot, detect them – which has proven very accurate, repeatedly.

My own doctor/counsellor and previous counsellor, have both stated my capacity to spot them and know what they are doing and why, is way beyond your average person. My doctor even confirming my capacity, is beyond hers. And confirming I have a very old soul, wise part of me.

I will be publishing about all this in the future, because I see it is a gift I have to offer others.

I want society to understand not to under-estimate abusers, their knowledge that what they do is wrong, the harm they cause and not to minimize any of this. Continue reading


HSP/Empath insight. I benefit from Dr Alice Boyes work.

I have read several articles Dr Alice Boyes has written and I find her very insightful and interesting and I relate to it. Dr Alice Boyes writes for Psychology Today and other publications and is an author.

I have to accept, that most people don’t understand this – and I have no-one in my life currently who does – and work on not feeling isolated and deeply alone, because I am different in this way.

It isn’t a weakness. Even if so many others assume it is. I have to accept that people always reject, what they don’t personally know/feel.

From this link http://www.aliceboyes.com/introvert-or-highly-sensitive-person/

What is an Highly Sensitive Person?

Like most lists of diagnostic criteria, you may be a Highly Sensitive Person if you have SOME of these characteristics. You don’t necessarily have to have all of them and probably won’t.

– You prefer one on one interactions rather than groups.

– You need a lot of downtime away from people.

– You have difficulty filtering some types of incoming stimulation.

You might have difficulty filtering social stimuli e.g., the TV news, news about people who have cancer who you don’t know very well, other people’s moods.

Or, you might have difficulty filtering sensory stimuli e.g., background noise such as music playing at a cafe, or lots of people talking.

– You can’t fake emotions very well e.g., you can give a talk about a topic you’re passionate about to 300 people, but you can’t fake being passionate about something if you’re not. Continue reading


I am every immature church persons…..nightmare….especially for the men.

I realise that my challenging of so much I see within churches, is a freakin’ nightmare for many.

Especially all those who have been brought up in churches – where as children they are forced to have blind obedience and submission and of course ‘women must keep quiet’.

I do see, I am very problematic to all these deceived people, stuck at a very immature level of faith – at stage 3, where most will remain all their lives, very evidently leading to these mind controlled, sheep like people, who don’t challenge, don’t question, just accept, believe what they are told, like docile sheep.


I see the fact that I challenge the mind controlled issues many have, is very unusual to them – and they will not like this and I won’t create many friends.

But, you know, my faith, is the most important part of my life and I don’t intend to compromise that – to make friends with deluded, deceived church people.

I am way beyond that and just because they can’t understand that – is not my issue – it is theirs and it is their sin, to not challenge themselves and their thinking.

I know a ‘woman’ challenging men in conservative, right wing churches – is such a huge issue to them!!! Poor darlings, I know their ego’s get hurt by that and it threatens their need to be dominant and be ‘the man’. Continue reading


You betcha, I will challenge anything that does not ‘sit well with my soul’.

A post to my community page @ https://www.facebook.com/HealingFromComplexTraumaAndPTSDAndCPTSD

I think being someone who has been abused so much, since birth, by all the important people in my life, and by so many…. I developed a deep need and deep capacity to think about everything and when something doesn’t ‘feel’ right, to not just assume it’s okay. No doubt PTSD increases this too. But, it has given me the capacity to consider so much very deeply.

I challenge much of what I see, read that does not seem okay. I am aware people have different opinions, and that is okay, but if it doesn’t ‘sit right with my soul’ – then I will process this and challenge it. And I have told to keep doing this.

I challenge my own doctor/counsellor and I am blessed to know, she lets me do this, because it is part of my healing. I told her some time back that I challenge everything and she replied ‘Good! – go (Lilly)’.

And I think it is healthy to share what I process from the perspective of a survivor of much abuse, who also has intelligence, life wisdom, deep processing capacity and empathy. Continue reading

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It is *very* frustrating, being able to see, what others cannot.

It is frustrating when you can see through into people’s heart’s – good and bad, and pick up on all the traits that show whether someone is lying, narcissistic, manipulative, devious, non genuine etc….


And then hear what other people think and know they are being fooled.

And it is even more bloody frustrating when I know a situation is going to end badly AND NO-ONE WILL LISTEN, OR LISTENED WHEN I TOLD THEM!!!

My previous counsellor told me she knows how frustrating this is for me. It was good to have that validation. Continue reading