Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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Jeff Brown – The Buddha Was The Master Of Dissociation

Thank God for people like Jeff Brown. His insight and capacity to discern the toxic and unhealthy thinking out there, mirrors mine and is rare.

I will also add Buddhism also perpetuates victim blaming and re-victimising trauma survivors.

It is nothing but toxic, irrational and unhealthy thinking.

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Now It’s ‘All About Me’ ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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My entire life has been about toxic, selfish, abusive people.

Meeting their needs, tolerating their toxic

and heinous behaviours.

Whilst no-one cared about me.

Well those days are GONE.

Now, it’s ALL ABOUT ME.

My needs, my wellbeing,

what I need to do to get my life on track,

build up my self esteem,

regain my independence,

find healthy people,

find a new relationship.

And this will not just benefit me,

it also benefits my children.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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25 Obvious & Non Obvious Self Care Issues – Complex Trauma Survivors Struggle With ~ Lilly Hope Lucario



Self care is something spoken about a lot, and seems so very easy. Well, not to complex trauma survivors and in particular childhood complex trauma survivors.

I asked my Facebook community, what were their biggest self care issues, these were some of their responses, which express the obvious self care needs and the not so obvious self care needs, complex trauma survivors struggle with.. Continue reading


Pity, Not Anger ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I am not someone who enjoys feeling anger. I’ve avoided it most of my life. I’m a freeze/fawn traumatology type, not fight. But, over the last few years I’ve had to process needed anger.

At the moment I am processing more intense emotions about ongoing abuse I have endured at the hands of someone with the dark triad traits of psychopathy, narcissism and Machiavellian traits. This person is a heinous human being.

And I have felt intense anger at the abuse I have endured. I have felt hatred, anger, disgust. Rightly so.

But, I refuse to feel anger any longer. Because that hurts me.




Instead, I will feel pity. Pity for an empty human being, devoid of any good character traits…… who despite being so pathologically selfish, has fucked his own life up, never had good relationships, never felt love, abandoned his child and is a miserable, resentful man.

I’m not going to feel sorry for him.

I’m not going to make excuses for him.

I’m not going to enable, ignore, justify his chosen actions.

He is 100% responsible for everything he has done.

So, I will pity him.

He is so absorbed in believing what he did was what he needed and wanted, he didn’t have anything good.

That’s pitiful. Continue reading


“You are an amazing, advanced soul who writes with beauty, honesty and plain truth”

I just wanted to let you know that you are an amazing, advanced soul who writes with beauty, honesty and plain truth. 

Your words are echoed around the universe and stand with you to support the removal of the evils of abuse from our lives and from that of out future generations xxx

Sending unconditional love from my heart to yours, blessings to you and your family x
This is feedback I received today.
I am not a perfect person. I was sat in my counsellors room this week apologising for things I said that were not true, were hurtful and wrong. And it’s not the first time I’ve sat there apologising.
But, I see my capacity to be honest about myself, as well as describe the journey of complex trauma, my insight into abusive people etc…… is why so many gravitate to my work.
I do see I am insightful, wise about some things, compassionate, truthful and yet not perfect too.
I allow people to acknowledge their healing struggles, their pain, and not have to be seen as a ‘healing success story’. Because I see the shame and pressure that brings.
I talk about being suicidal, wanting to give up, feeling fragile…… and how it’s okay to feel safe to say this.
I am so not perfect.
I am not the ‘recovery success story’ some want to see – to be paraded up on the ‘warrior survivor pedestal’.
I’m real. I struggle. I mess up. I feel hurt, I panic. I cry. I respond in ways I truly wish I didn’t at times. And I always want to be improving.

Continue reading

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Tests Results – Brain Is Fine, But Blood Pressure Worse

Had an MRI on brain and a carotid artery scan and the results are all fine. Whew! So no brain aneurisms or strokes coming anytime soon.

Now on to tests for my heart, after the blood pressure monitor, which I get in a few weeks.

At the doctors getting my blood pressure checked today, following stopping Endep medication and taking a different one.

Since I last went to my doctor a few weeks ago and today – my blood pressure difference between sitting and standing has worsened. So that’s not good. Doctor advised I halve the medication and get my BP checked again.

She also said there is no medication for orthostatic hypotension.

I know from research adrenal fatigue and issues can cause this, so I will ask if that can be checked too. And it makes perfect sense to me, that 46 years of toxic stress, major anxiety etc….. would result in adrenal fatigue and related issues. Continue reading


What’s The Point Of Trying Anymore


A few months ago, I was volunteering, going to yoga & pilates, considering training in disability services, setting up my future career in photography.

I had worked on so many things and was heading in the right direction.

Then a series of events happened, all beyond my control, and my life has fallen apart. And I am trapped in a daily living hell, that I can’t even blog about, because I don’t want it affecting my children.

If I believed in karma, at this point I would be agreed – I must have been a really terrible person in a past life, to get this life I am existing in.

And what is the point of trying to make my life better, when things always happen to destroy it.

I have tried so hard. Continue reading