Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Amongst The Bad, There Are Good Things Happening. All Requiring My Empathy ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Things are pretty tough at the moment. But, amongst the bad, there is good. And whilst this does not in any way make up for the bad….. I do recognise and I am thankful for the good.

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Three things that have occurred in the last 2 weeks, that required my empathy to happen.

Good thing No 1.

A new student at my 14 year olds school, was being racially abused. He is Muslim. My son saw this happen and asked the student if he wanted to hang out with my sons group of friends. When he came home and told me about this, he expressed his concern for the student and how terrible it was that he was being bullied and abused. So, my son stepped up and now the student has a group of friends, who have accepted him and treat him with the same dignity and respect as other students.

This meant more to me, than any academic or sporting achievements. This is about my sons character and personality. His empathy and compassion. His capacity to be a decent human being and step up for others who are vulnerable and being treated badly. I was tearful about this. Because, it shows my empathy in my parenting and what I model and speak about, has this effect on my teenage son. All the conversations I have had about empathy, and about bullying, about racism and how wrong they are, have led to my son acting in a truly compassionate way – that many adults can’t even manage. And this matters. What my son chose to do – matters.

And the deeper issue I am also aware of, is Muslim teenagers who are treated badly by non Muslims, are far more at risk of being groomed by murderous psychopath terrorists, for radicalisation. Hopefully, this would never be an issue to this student at my sons school. But, in being accepted and treated well – by non Muslim people….means any risk of radicalisation, is reduced.

Good thing No 2.

At my ladies group, a woman confided in us, about having PTSD, due to being very ill a few years ago, and the poor treatment she received. This resulted in a decline in her mental health, with severe depression, suicide attempts, and resulted in PTSD. She was sat next to me, when speaking about this. I was able to validate her trauma, her suicidal state and the effects of PTSD, without actually saying I have endured this too. I was so glad she felt able to share this, and that the group is safe enough for women to share.

Another lady became upset sharing about her marriage breakdown and stress at not having a job to care for her children. She was obviously distressed Continue reading


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Be Aware Of Toxic People Re-directing The Focus – To The Reaction To Abuse ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

A post to my page. I have endured this my entire life.


Toxic people like to re-direct the focus – away from their chosen decisions to abuse – to the reaction of the victim.

It’s a form of manipulation, that enables the toxic abuser – to avoid focussing on their actions, to avoid taking accountability or responsibility for their chosen abusive behaviours.

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When they re-direct focus to e.g. the victims anger – they can claim the victim is the one in the wrong. The victim is the one with the issues. The victim is the problem.

See how they shift the focus and shame – from themselves – to the victim? It happens a lot. It is very common with toxic people.

They can say things like ‘why are you so angry’ – ‘no one can talk to you when you get like this’, ‘look at you – you’re crazy’.

The focus is shifted – and the focus becomes about the anger/resentment/emotional distress – the victim is feeling.

The anger/ emotions/ distress etc the victim has ‘every right’ to feel…….. because being angry/ emotional/ distressed- at being abused – is a NORMAL and rational response to being treated badly and to being abused.

Continue reading


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Wanting to die, never leaves my thoughts.

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I am exhausted. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically.

Worn down every day due to living with a toxic person.

Totally alone. No-one to talk to.

PTSD symptoms, are all pretty bad. Having horrible dreams most nights. Anxiety high. Dizziness and arm seizures, occurring frequently. Back, shoulder and neck pain pretty bad.

I truly wish I could die. Continue reading

For those who do not have the ‘best case scenario’ for healing complex trauma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Complex Trauma – is interpersonal abuse – caused by ongoing or repeated trauma – caused by people.
Experts will tell you – complex trauma is only healed within safe, trusting, healthy, caring relationships.
This is how the wounds of being abused and traumatised by people – can be fully healed.
Many survivors, do not have this.
Many do not have caring, safe partners.
Many do not have caring, safe families.
Many do not have adequate therapists.
And that can hinder healing.
So, whilst we can do many things to help improve our wellbeing, those wounds of fear of trust, fear of abandonment, fear of people etc ….. may not be fully healed.
And I want to recognise that and validate that.
Many people do not have the ‘best case scenario’ for healing.
And that makes this journey, so much harder.
It is necessary to talk about this and highlight this – for all those who relate to this.
And this is another reason why journeys should never be compared.

Continue reading


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When You Do Not Have The ‘Best Case Scenario’ Healing Situation ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

My current situation, is preventing me from healing. I am in a constant daily state of hypervigilance, anxiety, depression. I cannot heal, in the relationship I am in. Yet, alternatives will hurt my children. And my children are my priority.

I do know complex trauma is only healed within healthy, safe relationships. And that I don’t have.

And I realise, this is something many complex trauma survivors are dealing with.

Most people don’t want to talk about how we ‘can’t’ heal. Survivors are expected to heal – no matter what their circumstances are. Which is such BS. And just creates shame, which is not ever okay.

So, I will talk about how our current life circumstances – can absolutely affect our capacity to heal.

I cannot walk away from my children. I would never do that. And leaving with my children, with no job, no-where to live – would be worse for my children, than staying where I am.

I try hard to make the best of each day, for my childrens sake. Even though it affects my healing and my wellbeing. They know the issues going on, because I talk about them and don’t let them think that being selfish, lying, manipulating are okay. I don’t ignore their fathers issues, I deal with them. And my children are thriving. They are happy and they do know they have one parent who loves and cherishes them.

Not everyone can simply walk away from an unhealthy relationship. People say to leave, but what if the circumstances created by leaving, are in fact worse, than if you stay? The choice has to be, to stay.

If you don’t have the ‘best case’ scenario for healing, please don’t feel shame or like you a failure. Often the circumstances we are in, through no fault of our own – prevents healing. Continue reading


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My Facebook Page Now Has Over 50,000 Members/Followers/Likers ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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My Facebook community page has now over 50,000 likers/followers/community members.

Considering Complex PTSD is not widely known about, and many mental health professionals are not fully educated in Complex Trauma, or Complex PTSD….. I am thankful to be able to reach so many.

Complex PTSD is very different to PTSD. In terms of the trauma causing them and the symptoms endured. And many Complex Trauma survivors, have both.

Complex PTSD is considered by experts, to be far more life impacting and far harder to treat, heal, and understand. Continue reading


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PTSD is not ruminating ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I see people who have endured trauma and abuse, talking about ruminating, and I want to clear up the belief that #PTSD is ruminating.
It isn’t. At all.
When people imply people with PTSD are ruminating – they are implying the thoughts , intrusive memories, and emotions – are a choice.
PTSD is not a choice.

Continue reading