Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

You don’t have to play by everyone else’s rules….

I love Sia and her music.

Nominated for 6 Aria’s.

Sia has Bipolar, and yet she is incredibly talented, very real, very raw, very honest and she does *not* play by the rules.

Her music career is how ‘she’ wants it to be….not the way her peers and society expects and demands. I love that inner strength she has to live her life ‘her’ way. And she has proven she can be a massive success, by not following all the rules set down by the industry she is in.

Huge lesson there, for all who believe they must play by the rules and follow like sheep.

A big inspiration and someone I admire.

I will be keep this in mind, while in the book publishing industry. If I don’t feel it is necessary to comply with all their ‘rules’, then I won’t.

I will take advice, digest it, consider the heart motivation that lies behind the advice and make my own conclusions. I am NOT wanting to go down the route of becoming obsessed with any book having to be a ‘success’ by other people’s rules and critique. Continue reading

Retaining humility, when wanting to write & publish a book.

I realise that writing and publishing a book, requires self promoting, but oh my…I do not want to turn into someone who uses ‘every’ opportunity to self promote, ‘every’ post is about ‘the book’ and develops that grandiose sense of self esteem.

I realise ‘success’ is considered by some to be about sales, no’s of books sold, pitching to publishing houses, but I don’t want to be concerned about this.

I don’t want to become obsessed and be obnoxious in the process. I don’t want to value my ‘success’ on outer value of ‘sales’, money ad all the processes of pitching to publishing houses etc. I definitely don’t want my face to become known, or become a media whore, or become well known. It’s why I use a pen name, for everything.

I’m not in this for ego. I’m in it for helping people. Sure it can be therapeutic to publish a book, it can be part of healing, but developing an ego and an inflated sense of self esteem and becoming obnoxious in my self promotion…..not for me. I want to retain humility, keep my focus on the drive – publishing a book that helps people.

I would put a book I wrote on my website and promote it through my PTSD social media accounts, but as for all the other ways to self promote, I just don’t want to be involved in all that. I already see all the perils and dangers of that. Continue reading

Mindful, of not needing my existence, to be dependent on validation/acceptance of others.

We all need validation from those around us. It is a basic human need to feel loved, cherished, wanted and validated as to who we are as person.

For those of us, who have never found this, or had such huge trust issues that we cant’ accept this (it can be both), this can feel even more of a search and need.

I was chatting with an amazingly intelligent and gifted mental health survivor recently. He has severe mental health issues, but is also incredible intelligent and has had huge success with his first book. He is very honest that he needs this connection with others, to feel this validation, and to be a success. I know he had an abusive childhood, with severe abuse, including sexual abuse. Continue reading

1 Comment

One of the very best days I have had in years!!! My first writers conference :-D

Went to my very first writers conference and it was AMAZING!!! 😀

I assumed (wrongly), I would struggle and I didn’t 😉

I talked with people – none of whom had a ‘negative mental health reaction’. Probably because they are all writers and writers are often deep thinkers, introspective, creative, empathic people – which are ‘my’ kind of people 🙂

Was invited to a local writers group, found out about another one, gained some great contacts, chatted with several people – even what I write about, which is huge for me! I even put my hand up and asked a question :-O In front of all those people! All those highly successful people who know so much more than I do.

I shocked myself that I had the guts to do that….go me!!! 😀 Continue reading

So blessed, someone made us meals & received a donation of $100 !

I’ve set up a GofundMe account to help with the publishing costs of my first book.


I only set it up yesterday and I have already received a donation and an incredibly generous one of $100!! I was so surprised and so thankful, I cried! I am such a sook 🙂

My husband is a police officer and has told a few others in work and one very kind police officer, brought meals and cupcakes in for us! She’s a lovely woman, I’ve met her a few times and she’s having problems with her teenager who has been suicidal, so knows how hard this all is to deal with.

What amazing blessings and I know that’s you God and I praise you deeply for this ❤ ❤ ❤

in my last email to my doctor, I wrote how I know God loves me and will always provide all I need. Including the strength the cope and heal, and whatever else is needed.

It’s amazing to think I nearly ended my life less than a week ago, and here I am now sat with my children playing and giggling together – that sound being my favourite in the world, feeling deeply blessed by people who I don’t even know!

Wow. I have no more words.

Wow!!! 🙂

Just remembered I am attending a writers conference/workshop soon :)

In all the abuse/trauma related stuff that has been going on, over the last week (and last 2 years), I totally forgot I am attending a writers conference in 2 weeks! 🙂

I am really looking forward to it, especially as one of the published authors/speakers asked me to make sure I introduced myself to her.

Will be good to have contacts and maybe people to ask advice about writing and publishing, as I really have no idea.

And I know, when something needs doing, do it the right way and not half arsed. Find people who’s wisdom, can help you do it right. Continue reading

Booked to attend a Writers Conference :)

Booked to attend a writers conference in August and I am pretty excited, albeit nervous too. There are published authors speaking and mentors attending. I checked if suitable to attend when considering writing a first book and it is.

Will be very interesting to gain insight into successful publishing, from those experienced. I know if something is worth doing, seek guidance, seek experienced people, seek wisdom from those who are successful.

I am a self published Website author and successful blogger, but there is big difference, between that and authoring a book.


My pen name is now ‘Googleable’ – Lilly Hope Lucario :)

As I wish to remain anonymous, to most people, and community members wanted to be able to use a name for me, I picked a pen name, so that I could publish work and have a name people could then relate to me with, as a human being.

So, I picked Lilly Hope Lucario, for quite a few reasons, each name has significance, as well as the initials.

So, on my peer support page, I am ‘Lilly’ and I am more used to using that name now, than my real name.

I googled this pen name out of interest and my blog posts all came up, which was nice.

I also checked goggle images and many of my quote/pics came up. Along with lots of pics of a Pokémon called Lucario lol!

I have wanted to be an ‘Author’ ever since I read ‘Little Women’ as a child.

I loved the book Little Women as a child. Books were my refuge, escape from the abuse in my childhood, along with dancing.

I loved ‘Jo’ the sister that was a little feisty, someone who didn’t go along like a sheep and follow the crowd.

She was intelligent, determined, and had a gift for writing and didn’t care about the shallow crap of the rich society she lived in.

A bit like me 😀

I often wanted to be Jo, when I escaped into my dream world.

When I was 20, and the psychopath went to prison, from that point onwards, I always thought I would write a book about my life.

Well, I haven’t written a book yet, but I have written about my life, every day, since I set up my Facebook page, then this blog and then my published website.

My previous counsellor, encouraged me that I could write books later in my healing.

But, I didn’t realise, I am already an author, a published author, on my published website, where I have written about my life, and written a lot, in my own words.

I am an author – I like saying that….:-D

Sod the ego issue – I am going to be damn proud and revel in my achievement!

That wasn’t even set up and written to be an achievement – it was written to help others.

It wasn’t written to make money – it was done to help others.

I often don’t even think about it.

Which makes I even better!!!!! 😀

And if my doctor were to read this, she would probably think Oh Praise God she found something good to think about of herself!!! lol! 🙂

So, yes, Praise God, indeed! ❤

1 Comment

To fund the cost of publishing my book, I’m thinking of adding a donate button.

I don’t have the money to fund publishing my first book, but I want to get a book out there, to help more people to understand Complex Trauma and Complex PTSD – from a survivors/healing point of view.

I’ve seen donate buttons on other blogs and it can’t hurt. The donations would entirely go towards publishing my book.

I’ve been told so many times to write books and I see the appeal and why people believe that a book written by a survivor, about the real honest nitty gritty of Complex PTSD, expressed in a relatable way, would help more people.

But, it costs money – a min of $2000, and I don’t have that.

So, I am considering a donation button.