Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

So blessed with another amazing Website/Blog/Twitter Review from a Professional.

I am very blessed to receive such amazing reviews from mental health professionals.

To have professionals validate, encourage, commend and recommend my Website, authored by myself, is wonderful – for the visitors to the Website to know the info and insight is quality, and helps me, in my healing journey too.

Received this review today.

WEBSITE REVIEW:  healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com

For: Lilly Hope Lucario – September 2014

From: John Henden

This easy-to-navigate website is a great resource for those recovering from PTSD.  Created by Lilly Hope Lucario, a fellow survivor, her stated purpose is:  “… to assist people in their healing on their complex trauma journey; for those supporting someone they know; or wishing to educate themselves further about complex post-traumatic stress disorder & complex trauma.”

The website is both informative and provides practical advice for survivors around symptom management, such that they can recover and live full and active lives.  By way of encouragement for survivors, there are many inspirational pictures and sayings: 

“Smooth seas never made a skilled sailor”; and “Either you stay in the shallow end of the pool or you decide to go out into the ocean”; and “Not all wounds are visible… But just because they are unseen, does not make them less painful.“

As a survivor of complex trauma myself (having lived 8 of my 9 lives!), I have been working as a solution focused psychotherapist for survivors or post-traumatic stress and complex trauma for nearly 20 years.  I would have no hesitation in recommending this rare website to my clients and other specialist colleagues working in the field.

Lilly is an avid blogger, too, having received over a dozen blog awards and more than a quarter of a million hits to her blog site.  Her twitter account (@HealingCPTSD) plays a large role in the overall helping service she provides.  Both her blogs and her twitter feed can be accessed via this website. Continue reading


The psychological, emotional twisting of the knife in the wounds, caused by non belief/doubting victims of abuse ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Not being believed, can sometimes feel even more painful than the abuse itself. And I am not invalidating, or minimizing the affect and consequences of abuse, by making this statement, at all.

What I am doing, is describing how incredibly painful and devastating it is to not be believed.

The abuse itself, is horrific.

The pain of not being believed, of being neglected, the emotional and psychological destruction that non belief by others, after severe abuse, is even more horrific. Because it adds on top of the already massive weight of pain and devastation abuse causes.

They aren’t two separate issues. They are combined.

Non belief, is like having the knife twisted.

The abuse being the knife being stuck in, the non belief being the severe pain of the knife being twisted in the already deeply painful wound. Continue reading

We are all at different levels of conscious awareness. And it’s lonely, when awakened.


“We are all in different levels of conscious awareness.

It is rare to find people willing and capable of exploring their inner world, their subconscious, what drives their behaviours and emotions. Most never analysing if they are cognitively distorted and requiring the needed maturity and wisdom of growth.

Most people are only aware of their superficial conscious thoughts and needs and remain that way, all their lives.”

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Continue reading


HSP/Empath insight. I benefit from Dr Alice Boyes work.

I have read several articles Dr Alice Boyes has written and I find her very insightful and interesting and I relate to it. Dr Alice Boyes writes for Psychology Today and other publications and is an author.

I have to accept, that most people don’t understand this – and I have no-one in my life currently who does – and work on not feeling isolated and deeply alone, because I am different in this way.

It isn’t a weakness. Even if so many others assume it is. I have to accept that people always reject, what they don’t personally know/feel.

From this link http://www.aliceboyes.com/introvert-or-highly-sensitive-person/

What is an Highly Sensitive Person?

Like most lists of diagnostic criteria, you may be a Highly Sensitive Person if you have SOME of these characteristics. You don’t necessarily have to have all of them and probably won’t.

– You prefer one on one interactions rather than groups.

– You need a lot of downtime away from people.

– You have difficulty filtering some types of incoming stimulation.

You might have difficulty filtering social stimuli e.g., the TV news, news about people who have cancer who you don’t know very well, other people’s moods.

Or, you might have difficulty filtering sensory stimuli e.g., background noise such as music playing at a cafe, or lots of people talking.

– You can’t fake emotions very well e.g., you can give a talk about a topic you’re passionate about to 300 people, but you can’t fake being passionate about something if you’re not. Continue reading


Invalidation, enforcing feeling ‘sorry for the abuser’ – leads to more shame, more trauma.

I see this all the time, in the media, on social media, within society, within Church people, even in my own Christian counselling.

This happens all the time, everywhere.

People/society/Christianity – all programmed to ‘not think the worst’ about an abuser, ‘look for the good’, assume the victim is lying/exaggerating and minimize what you haven’t personally endured.

I’ve been ‘invalidated’ (not intentionally) in counselling, because it is Christian based, and they can be the worst for avoiding the worst possible reality about someone’ bad’.

When the victim, is being very honest, as most are, all this does is completely invalidate what that victim has endured and re-traumatises that victim over and over.

How is a victim of severe abuse, prolonged abuse meant to process everything deeply and fully, when the focus is to be concerned about how the ‘abuser’ feels, and by others assuming the abuser ‘didn’t know they were causing so much harm, didn’t mean it’ etc ???

I’ve had my ‘needed’ and ‘deserved’ emotions of anger towards the horrific abuse I have endured – completely invalidated by comments like ‘oh they were probably abused too’ and ‘the abusers are in such pain too’.

I have an ongoing huge difference of opinion with my doctor, who I do respect – who makes it very clear she does not believe in ‘labelling’ as this is ‘not okay for the abuser’. ‘Abuser’ – that’s a label I am apparently not meant to say. ‘Narcissist’ is another one, when in fact someone highly narcissistic, will act in every way out of a place of selfishness and ego – so every action, every thought, will be narcissistic. And abusers, rarely stop, and often abuse again, until they are stopped. So – that is what they are. People who are abusers. People who are narcissists. People who are sociopaths. People who are paedophiles.

The reason given to me for this shame inducing ‘we must not label’, which bothered me greatly at the time it was said, and still does, was ‘these labels can destroy people’. I’ve also had it said to me that these abusers are ‘in so much pain themselves to do what they do’.


Did these ‘people’ care that they were destroying their victims lives? Of course not, in 99% of cases. None of my abusers cared – because they have no empathy, no remorse, no conscience. And they had a choice. Continue reading

Society must stop enabling/excusing abusers, based on mental health.

Abuse is increasing, in all forms.

A huge % of abuse is based on these disorders and other mental health disorders.

Mental health disorders are increasing.

Society must stop allowing mental health to be used as an excuse for abusers, to abuse.

Society needs educating about personality disorders, what the signs are, and must recognise these disorders more and in particular how they mostly cannot be treated successfully.

Society MUST reduce abuse and not allow it to continue increasing.

Wow, man gifts $650 million for psychiatric research.


The Broad Institute today announced an unprecedented commitment of $650 million from philanthropist Ted Stanley aimed at galvanizing scientific research on psychiatric disorders and bringing new treatments based on molecular understanding to hundreds of millions of people around the world.

The Stanley commitment — the largest ever in psychiatric research and among the largest for scientific research in general — will support research by a collaborative network of researchers within the Stanley Center for Psychiatric Research at the Broad Institute, a biomedical research institution that brings together faculty from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Harvard University, the Harvard-affiliated hospitals, and collaborators worldwide. Continue reading

I see why abusive church people will hate Alice Miller’s work. I find it very insightful.

I asked my doctor, who is a Christian if she knew of Alice Miller’s work and she said not. Considering Alice Miller is well known in the psychology world, that interested me.


Alice Miller believes in the seriousness of abuse by parents, and strongly believes hitting children and various other forms of abuse that many church people encourage, is abuse and I absolutely agree. She also believes the ‘honour thy father and mother’ – ‘even if they are abusive’ aspects of church/child abuse perpetrated, to condone abuse that I clearly see occurring, to be abuse.

My view is that ‘honour thy father and mother’ in terms of what God requires of us, is ‘if’ the father and mother act the way parents should – by not ‘abusing’ their children.

Much shame is forced upon Christians by enforcing ignoring and accepting abuse of all kinds and much is condoned within churches and I do NOT in any way condone this. It is disgusting and nothing to do with God, at all.

In her writings, Miller is careful to clarify that by “abuse” she does not only mean physical violence or sexual abuse, she is also concerned with a much more insidious form of abuse: psychological abuse perpetrated by one or both parents on their child; this is insidious because the difficulty of identifying and dealing with it lies in the fact that the abused person is likely to conceal it from themselves and may never be aware of it until some dramatic event, or the onset of depression, requires it to be treated. Miller blamed psychologically abusive parents for the majority of neuroses and psychoses.

She maintained that all instances of mental illness, addiction, crime and cultism were ultimately caused by suppressed rage and pain as a result of subconscious childhood trauma that was not resolved emotionally, assisted by a helper, which she came to term an “enlightened witness.”

In all cultures, “sparing the parents is our supreme law,” wrote Miller. Even psychiatrists, psychoanalysts and clinical psychologists were unconsciously afraid to blame parents for the mental disorders of their clients, she contended. According to Miller, mental health professionals were also creatures of the poisonous pedagogy internalized in their own childhood.

This explained why the command “Honor thy parents” was one of the main targets in Miller’s school of psychology. – Wikipedia.
Continue reading

Narcissists, always ‘need’ the last word, and think others want this too…

Their unhealthy ego, needs it.

And because of who they are and their deep inners shame they cannot admit to having, they think everyone else is the same and has the same ‘needs’ they do.

It’s the same with their tantrums, they think they are normal, and everyone has them.

It’s the same with the lying, they lie, so they assume everyone does.

I had a narc pastor and wife tell me that ‘everyone’ lies, to somehow excuse their lies.

Well, actually no, not everyone lies, not everyone had their narc traits.

But narcs, just cannot admit who they are and what they are.

I feel sad for them.

But, I do not excuse the harm they cause either, they need dealing with.

I don’t ‘need’ to have the last word, I’ll let them have it, to appease their ego a little. I know their ego makes them hurt and angry and destructive.

Alice Miller ‘gets it’ – why society is hell-bent on ‘perpetrator protection.’

Wise and insightful words, I see this everywhere and it really depresses me.

I see it in society, I see it in church people. I even see it in my professional support.

Perp protecting, abuse minimizing, apathy enabling = abuse increasing.

Alice Miller calls this “pandemic” – the protection of the perp”…. just that.

Perpetrator protection.

Alice Miller believes that society has been taught to empathise with the criminal for several reasons, one of the main ones…and rather obvious perhaps is “fear and denial”

This also goes with the whole ‘apath’ pandemic which I also very clearly see occurring.

I should read up more on Alice Miller’s work. I like reading insightful, intelligent, ‘like minded’ people’s work.