Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I’m not afraid to tell the truth about myself. But many can’t face the truth about themselves.

It takes courage and inner strength to be honest about self.

I’ve always been someone who is openly me – I don’t hide my behaviours, my views. I have hidden my pain from my past, but I don’t hide who I am.

I’ve always been me. Openly.

I’m emotional, openly.

When I was a clubbing, party girl, who ‘hooked up’ with many men, I was open about it. I didn’t hide it.

I can apologise when I’m wrong and have remorse, openly.

I don’t live life with a mask to pretend to be something I am not.

I have faced many truths about myself that are not pretty. I know there are reasons – but I still don’t excuse them, I own them. I know the things I have done wrong, that were not okay, and I am not okay with what I did and I am open about that.

I have PTSD and everyone I know, knows that.

I am honest. I have courage. I am truthful.

But, so many people – who consider themselves ‘normal’ can’t be truthful, honest and look deep within at what is not okay. Instead they justify it, excuse it, or just plain refuse to acknowledge it. Continue reading


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‘Focus on a positive attitude’ – not wise advice for healing abuse survivors.

Society promotes the whole ‘focus on a positive attitude’ as being the answer for anything.

Church people like to do focus on ‘count your blessings’.

Neither of these are helpful, or appropriate advice to give to people who are trying to heal severe abuse and trauma. All these do, is avoid suppress, ignore the emotions needed to process the trauma, the emotions needed to grieve. Suppression is never healthy when it comes to abuse and trauma.

How do I know this….because I did it myself for 20 years. And it made my current situation worse.

I did what society and unwise people demand – moved on, got over it, made a life, tried to never think about my past, worked hard, exercised hard, focussed on enjoying myself blah blah blah…

And all that did was suppress the deeply painful emotions and severe trauma, that needed to have been dealt with at the age of 20 yrs old.

But, I had no support, no family so I did what I needed to do to support myself, survive and suppressed it as much as I possible could. Continue reading


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Why not all PTSD sufferers, are angry. Not all are ‘Fight’ response = narcissistic.

http://www.pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm

There different trauma typology responses – produce very different behaviours in PTSD sufferers.

This is particularly true for those who had abuse in childhood.

I get annoyed when I see some PTSD sufferers talk about their anger being okay and implying ‘all’ PTSD sufferers have it. Call it their ‘outbursts’ etc – and justify it by blaming their PTSD.

This is not true at all.

Well, not all PTSD sufferers have ‘fight’ as their trauma typology response and those who do – still have a responsibility to manage it – not just feel entitled to it and blame their PTSD. And own the fact that their trauma response is not what all PTSD suffers experience at all and they need to own their anger and deal with it.

PTSD and Narcissism are linked and you can see this displayed so clearly in some – big ego’s, get angry, blame their PTSD and feel entitled to it. All narcissistic behaviours/thinking. Continue reading


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Don’t be a hypocrite, when it comes to child abuse…

It is highly hypocritical – to be someone who claims to be concerned about child abuse – if you smack/spank your own children, which is deliberately inflicting pain on a child, that does ‘not’ need inflicting.

Children can be raised to be well behaved, respectful, secure and happy, without physical punishment (abuse). Mine are.

It is proven by experts in child development, psychology and neuroscience, that spanking/smacking, negatively affects a child’s growing brain and lead to greater risk of mental health issues like depression and anxiety and physical health issues, like heart attacks and strokes, later in life.

But, abusive minds, are always hypocrites.

And justify their own needs to inflict pain on someone vulnerable.

Don’t be that.


I love keeping up with neuroscience. Empathy is uncommon, but needed.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/ashoka/2013/05/08/the-neuroscience-at-the-heart-of-learning-and-leading/

“The inescapable conclusion: it pays to care, widely and deeply.”

In short, when we work with human nature, and we take care of basic emotional needs, people perform better. Thus it’s a “no brainer” that we learn more about the brain and how to use this cutting edge science to inform the way we lead and live.

The article is worth reading.


There are many ‘walking dead’ out there…

Two posts on my page today;

Those who refuse, or are unable to look inside themselves, with honesty and insight…

Are basically, like the walking dead.

You only awaken, and become truly alive, when you look inside at your heart, mind and soul and acknowledge the good and bad.

Only then, does your vision become clear and your thoughts, have any clarity, any honesty, any depth.

and

It interests me, when people talk about ‘crazy’.

It is a form of insanity to have no self insight and no capacity for self honesty about own issues. Continue reading


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“Your blog is like a living journal”

I had a really good appointment with my doctor/counsellor today, went through lots of issues I have been having with online stalker/paedophile harassment, plus other issues.

Lots of talk about the things I am doing well/better at and what still needs work on – to have more ‘balance’. Balance and I are still not good friends, but getting there lol 🙂

One thing that was said, is that my very honest, very raw blog and my posts on my Facebook page – are like “my living journal”. I live my healing journey out loud.

And I share it, so others know they are not alone. Because I know how deeply painful ‘alone’ feels.

I know what terror, fear, severe abuse, all are like over long periods of time.

I know that compassion, empathy are needed.

I know how painfully hard this journey can be. Continue reading


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Started researching why social media is damaging society & health. Wow!

Yes, it is.

Wow, there is so much info from psychologists, human science experts, and the like on how social media is causing more damage to society, than any good it may do.

I am not going to deny this to myself, or be a hypocrite, or pretend and excuse with I feel it is okay.

I just can’t be someone with apathy, someone who can make justifications and excuses to turn something into what I want to hear.

I just can’t.

Social media is increasing many harmful behaviours, damaging people’s psyche’s, causing ridiculous amounts of bullying and narcissism, hindering social skills, hindering education, encourages oversharing, damaging memory, social skills, hindering people getting out and having real interactions, increasing anti-social personalities, anger, aggression, increasing a whole mass of uneducated and unwise opinions and advice, flushing away what used to be genuine emotions and interactions and so much more.

Wow.

That is a whole lotta bad influence and harm.

Scary, actually.


People put limits on others, based upon their own understanding/awareness/capacity.

It is interesting how people put ‘absolutes’ and ‘limits’ in their thinking, based upon their own capacity and their own abilities, or something they read that reinforces their own belief.

If people are capable of altruism – the truly selfless act of doing good for others with no personal gain, or expectation of anything in return..

How can anyone, say that is not possible?

I realise, this is their own capacity for reasons and motivations for doing anything for others, is purely their own level of awareness.

It’s the same as spiritual faith progression. People only know their own level and can’t understand anything higher/further. As so well explained in James Fowler’s Stages of Faith – powerful stuff – for those who ‘get it’.

I know people like this – they believe what they are told, don’t question and think ‘serving’ in their church and family – is all there is. And anyone who doesn’t agree with that – lacks faith. They just don’t see there is more than this for some. Most Christians stay stuck at this stage 3 level and never progress.

http://www.exploring-spiritual-development.com/JamesFowlersStages.html

stages_of_faith Continue reading


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I do know that intelligent abuse victims, are drawn to finding out the minds of abusers.

I have no doubt that I would probably be told, that I should not be researching about psychopathy and anti-social personality disordered people.

But, I am someone who has endured severe harm and abuse and I already ‘know’ their minds and what they are capable of, and their behaviours and harm they caused is ‘already’ in my mind, due to being abused by them. And I have their abuse in my mind, because I have PTSD, so I think it is needed to learn their minds from their point of view. And the psychology and neuroscience of their minds.

I am all for learning the whole picture, not just having a limited view.

And a lot of people don’t like to venture near these personality disorder symptoms etc, because they get concerned they have a few of the traits and what that might mean. And many just want to lump them all together into one bundle of ‘evil’.

Whereas, I want to know the differences and what makes them the way they are. I don’t want to say they are all evil, even though they do commit many horrendous acts of terror, harm, abuse etc.

I don’t call people evil, but evil is involved and the acts themselves of harm, are the opposite of God, so to me, that means the acts are evil.

I also have no issues with looking into my mind, and honestly knowing my good and bad and I know I am not a psychopath, or a narcissist, but like with any ‘normal’ individual, we can all have a level of narcissism. I have empathy, compassion, remorse, self honesty, don’t lie, don’t manipulate, don’t enjoy hurting people and I have a conscience etc. I therefore, can’t be classed or diagnosed, with NPD, or AsPD.

I found http://www.psychopathicwritings.com/ a few weeks back, and it has certainly opened my eyes, mind to what it is to truly be someone with absolutely no remorse, no empathy, not feel remorseful for killing 3 people and how he believes he is fine, does not want to change and enjoys being who he is.

I found this interesting, although hard to read. This guy is very honest about who he is, which is not always the case for psychopaths. Depending on other PD traits that may co-occur, like narcissism.
Continue reading