Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I survived a psychopath, who killed a former victim.

There was talk about Donald Trump on Facebook. And whether he is a psychopath, or malignant narcissist etc. I definitely see those traits in him.

As always when psychopaths are spoken of, my PTSD mind jumps straight to the psychopath who kept me in captivity for several years, abused me horrifically and ended up in prison. I was a teenager.

He said many times, he killed a former girlfriend. And made it look like an accident and got away with it. I’ve seen a record of a criminal conviction, involving the death of a woman. He had guns and knives and often used them to terrify me. He loved going hunting and had a sick thirst for killing.

It hits me really hard sometimes.

I survived a psychopath, who had already killed one woman. A former victim. Wow. That is pretty huge.

And I had enough strength, to attend court, to testify against him.

I could have easily ended up dead. Just like the psychopaths former victim. But, Continue reading

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I heard “never admit you are wrong” from the psychopath many times.

During the 4 years, I was subjected to severe abuse daily from a psychopath, I learned a lot about how he thought. I needed to, to keep myself safe. I needed to learn his patterns, all his cues for violence, how to pacify him as best I could, all to try and keep as safe as I could and keep myself alive.

I subconsciously did this, it wasn’t a planned action. I’d already learned how to do this with skill, due to all the abuse in the previous 16 years of my life.

It is why I am skilled at picking up on cues, red flags and also can work people out.

One of his favourite sayings, outside of the abuse, was ‘never admit you are wrong, never back down, never let someone beat you’.

I know these are typical psychopath beliefs. They believe it is weakness, to admit you are wrong. To own mistakes, is weakness in their very twisted, very unhealthy, messed up minds.

And they lack any empathy, or conscience, or remorse – to care about the harm they inflict, so this increases their capacity to never admit wrongdoing.

It is also why they can lie so easily.

When I saw this, it reminded me immediately of the psychopath, because it is exactly what he would say. They believe life is like a game to win, or lose. Bizarre. They believe you are only ‘against’ them, because you are weak. This twitter tweet, is from man charged with 5 counts of suspicion of fraud, who is also a serial abuse/stalker. Which is also traits of the psychopath I was abused by.

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He thinks life is a game, to win or lose. He ‘scores’ his victories too. Stating things like Me – 10 – v – Her 0.

Continue reading

Too many people, have touched my soul, with their dirty hands.

Is it a full moon? Seems like all the trolls are out to hunt and prey.

Dealing with trolls on social media is something I am so used to now.

They hunt….

They appear….

They vomit their darkness….

They spew their issues…

They defecate their abuse onto people….

They revel in their darkness…

Continue reading

Society must stop enabling/excusing abusers, based on mental health.

Abuse is increasing, in all forms.

A huge % of abuse is based on these disorders and other mental health disorders.

Mental health disorders are increasing.

Society must stop allowing mental health to be used as an excuse for abusers, to abuse.

Society needs educating about personality disorders, what the signs are, and must recognise these disorders more and in particular how they mostly cannot be treated successfully.

Society MUST reduce abuse and not allow it to continue increasing.


It’s horrible, to know people with psychopath traits, and not being able to say anything.

I know a lot about psychopaths, narcissists and sociopaths and all the traits people display with high levels of all the traits within these PD’s.

I have had it confirmed, validated and I know, I pick up easily on these traits because I have already endured so much abuse by people with these PD’s.

I know people, who have psychopath traits and this bothers me. Even before I researched all this psychology knowledge I now have, I had already been bothered by the ‘red flags’ I detected. But, there is not really anything I can do about it. If I tell the people connected to them, they will think I am crazy. But, not saying something, seems wrong too.

Watching the Baden-Clay murder trial and seeing so clearly how he had psychopath traits, it worries me that in saying nothing, I am doing the wrong thing.

Continue reading

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Sadly, I’m currently receiving abusive comments here, which I am not approving.

My work, I do here, attracts many people who need to see this info I share and the insight I have into abuse, and abusers.

Which is great, and is why I do this. Partly to vent my own journey, but I choose to do that in a public blog, to help others and I know it does help many.

But, due to the content of the work I do here, it also sometimes attracts the very people I write about, abusive people, narcissistic people, sociopathic people, paedophiles etc.

I’ve been dealing with this now, for over a year, here, on my FB page and over the last 4 months on Twitter.

I expect it to happen.

the great thing about WordPress, is unless I don’t have to approve the comments. And I currently have over 75 comments not approved. This doesn’t include spam.

About half of these are abusive.

The other half are highly suspicious.

Sad eh. Continue reading

My husband and I, have such cute pet names for each other…freak and mini PP (psychopath)..

My husband and I have very different personalities. And that’s okay.

He fully admits he does not have empathy like I do, doesn’t really have any conscience about stuff he had done wrong in the past, doesn’t think about people suffering, or feel any need to help people.

So I call him my mini PP, meaning psychopath. As a little jokey thing between us. He isn’t a psychopath, and I know that, he doesn’t want or look to harm anyone. But he has traits, he fully admits to, that are not in my understanding.

He also could not be a cop, if he was like me. I would make a really bad cop. I would be emotional and cry, and want to take everyone home with me, all the drug addicts and mental health people etc, that I would see are broken and need love. My husband has that capacity to deal with his cop work, with the needed attitude, of being sensitive to people’s needs, mental health, grieving etc, whilst not feeling the level of emotions I do. He also has that capacity to switch off things he sees, when he comes home. Which is quite frankly bizarre to me!

My husband calls me ‘freak’ because I am in society terms.

I’m not really a freak, but again it is our little jokey thing, that just highlights the differences between us. My level of empathy, life wisdom, understanding of human behaviour and what it is driven by, is beyond my husbands capacity, or even his desire to think about.

He believes I should just hate all my abusers and thinks it’s bizarre that I don’t! So, he calls me a freak.

Good thing is, we accept our differences in each other, and I have learned from him and he learns from me.

Doesn’t mean I trust him though. Anyone with ‘those’ traits, becomes pretty unsafe to me. But, I do live with it and accept who he is and he accepts who I am.

Is this healthy, to label each other this way? Well I have a feeling my doctor – who is ‘anti-labelling’, would probably say not….

But, hey – perfect, we ain’t.


‘I rest my case’ on how psychopaths & paedophiles, are drawn to being lawyers/judges.

It is so clear what this judge’s motivation are for this. This is not normal behaviour, of a normal man. They want society to ‘normalise’ this behaviour. Normalise abuse, child sexual abuse and most of society couldn’t care less. Unless of course, it is their child affected.


Following from this ^ link.

An Australian judge has incurred the wrath of child protection and gay rights advocates after stating that incest and pedophilia may no longer be considered taboo – just as gay relationships are now more accepted than they were in the 1950s and 60s.

District Court Judge Garry Neilson was recorded as saying that sexual contact between adults and children or siblings may no longer be regarded by society as “unnatural” or “taboo.”

Just as same-sex relationships were once considered socially unacceptable, “a jury might find nothing untoward in the advance of a brother towards his sister once she had sexually matured, had sexual relationships with other men and was now ‘available,’ not having [a] sexual partner,” he said, as quoted by Australia’s Fairfax Media.

Neilson said that the primary reason for incest still being a crime is the high risk of genetic abnormalities in any children born as a result of the relationships.

“But even that falls away to an extent [because] there is such ease of contraception and ready access to abortion,” he said.

He made the comments in April, in the case of a 58-year-old man charged with repeatedly raping his younger sister in 1981 in west Sydney.

The man pleaded guilty to sexually assaulting her when she was 10 or 11 years old in 1973 or 1974, but pleaded not guilty to the 1981 charges when she was 18 and he was 26.

The judge was also found to have given a 55-year-old rapist a lighter sentence because he did not ejaculate inside his young niece or “treat her roughly.” She was 15 and 16 when she was raped in 2007 and 2008. Continue reading