Over the last 6 months – I have come to understand all the abuse I have endured within my marriage. It’s been incredibly painful.
One of the abuse types I endured for over a decade – is sexual coercion. Being a survivor of considerable sexual abuse – starting in childhood – it has been extremely distressing to have to process all the sexual abuse – throughout 18 years of my marriage.
This article was the one I read that made me have to face all this. This sentence was a huge moment of realisation.
“Unless there is an ENTHUSIASTIC yes then it is sexual coercion.”
Sexual coercion is where a perpetrator of abuse coerces a victim into unwanted sex. Coercion occurs via many methods: guilt tripping, emotional abuse, use of alcohol or drugs, to name a few.
I was coerced via emotional abuse – where my life was made more difficult if I did not give in to sex. I was plied with alcohol. There were constant demands made for sex. There was guilt tripping – as though he were the victim by me not wanting sex. If his attempts to pressure me into sex were not successful – he would have tantrums and there was anger if I refused.
It was very obvious to him that I did not want sex. But, he didn’t care. His needs were all that mattered. It often hurt and he didn’t care about that either. I had to dissociate to cope through it. Just as I did during the sexual abuse earlier in my life.
During the first few years of our marriage – I realised this man was not the man he pretended to be. Now, I do know he a narcissistic sociopathic toxicly selfish man and a pervert. He enjoyed himself whilst I was being abused into unwanted sex. And not once did he care about how I felt. Throughout the marriage he consistently failed to have good character traits. Just toxic character disturbance. No empathy. No conscience. No remorse. Toxic entitlement. Perversion. Pathological lying. He is a sick man.
The worst part – is he knows I am a sexual abuse survivor. And he used that to his advantage. I was more easily manipulated. I had no idea sexual coercion was abuse. I’ve been manipulated into sexual abuse since being a child.
He used me as his personal sexual perversion ‘thing’. He never treated me like a human being with my own needs, emotions etc.
There is an added level of evil when someone chooses to sexually abuse a sexual abuse survivor.
Now I know that as per the above article sexual consent is an enthusiastic yes.
An ENTHUSIASTIC yes.
I think it can’t be more plain than that.
We’re not talking about a yes with a question mark, a scared yes,
or a reluctant yes.
We are talking about an ENTHUSIASTIC yes!
Many people will think this kind of abuse is ‘normal’. But, just because it is common – does not make it okay. After all it’s only a few decades ago they made it illegal to rape your wife. Prior to that law changing – men could legally rape their wives. But just because it was legal – did not make it okay, at all.