Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

“We Don’t Like To Get Involved In Other People’s Business” – AKA – We Are Selfish To The Core & Don’t Want To Help Others


My in-laws are visiting at the moment. My husbands whole family are narcissistic, dysfunctional and selfish to the core.

I’ve heard the in-laws make this statement many times “We don’t like to get involved in other people’s business”. But, actually what this really is – is they are utterly selfish, care only about helping themselves, have no compassion and no empathy for others.

Along with all their other delusional beliefs, they actually choose to believe they are ‘good people’ by ‘keeping out of other people’s business’.

Which is complete BS.

I see more and more how selfish people are, and the BS they tell themselves to justify it.

My in-laws refuse to ever look after their grandchildren, refuse to help their adult children in any way, and yet think they are ‘amazing grandparents’. They are not, at all. And there is no evidence to show they are good grandparents, at all. They are completely able to help out in ways many grandparents choose to. But, they refuse to. They have never been good parents or grandparents.

It is amazing just how bizarrely deluded some people are.

Personally, I find selfish people draining and horrible to be around.

They are a waste of space on this earth.

The good people on this earth – care about others and know that…

 Compassion is a verb

– it means you make an effort to help others. And you don’t have to ‘get into people’s business to help them. It’s not an ‘all or nothing’ situation. Continue reading

Respect Is Earned, Not Demanded ~ Lilly Hope Lucario


There have been a lot of toxic and abusive people in my life.

They have all assumed and demanded I respect them, yet they have no right to demand that.

No-one has to respect someone who is abusive, toxic or harmful.

And also applies to family, partners, church people, work colleagues, other abuse survivors…. anyone.

Respect is earned and people do need to earn my respect and my trust now. I do no longer blindly respect or trust anyone. I now know, it needs to be built slowly, over time, when the person concerned demonstrates behaviours and attitudes, that are worthy of respect and trust.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I had to learn I deserve healthy people & healthy relationships

For a long time – decades – I didn’t believe I deserved healthy people in my life. So I accepted unhealthy and toxic people. It was all I knew. It was what was ‘normal’ for me, from early childhood, onwards. And I was inevitably treated badly, abused, harmed, by them.

I had to learn my intuition about people, and my capacity to work people out, is accurate and highly developed. And to not ignore it. It is a gift from having to keep myself as safe as possible, for the first 20 years of my life.

Now, I do know I deserve healthy people and healthy relationships. Continue reading


Yes, I sure will ban your arse…

I take my role of admin of my community peer support page seriously. I spent a year, trying to reason with rude, unreasonable, narcissistic, angry, nasty people… Then I listened to advice that said ‘why are you even bothering?’.

And it’s true. It’s not my job or responsibility, to fix every unhealthy person. I’ve taken waaaaaaaay too much of that, in the past.

And I do know, I now only endure, what I allow.

So, yes, if you are rude, nasty, inappropriate, unhealthy, mean, narcissistic, passive aggressive etc – then I will ban your arse off my page. I wont be rude to you, or get angry with you. But, I will not tolerate you.

No arguing. No reasoning. I do not have to explain myself. I’m not anyone’s counsellor, or life coach or emotional punch bag.

I’m not here for every unhealthy person, to attack, vomit their shit & darkness onto. And I do admin my page, for the health and well-being of every person there, as I see fit. I understand some may not appreciate, or like that, or agree with my choices, and that is okay….they can take themselves somewhere else, or maybe set up their own page.

I am person, who deserves respect and to be treated with dignity. And I will insist on that.

Many people don’t realise what respect actually means.


Posted by Michael Thomas June 7, 2014

Respect is a complex issue, and lies at the heart of every movement for equality or against abuse. The primary struggle against racism, misogyny, and genocide are all directly related to the limited number of people who have taken the time to understand respect worldwide. Without respect, real love is not possible, and neither is a healthy culture or society.

I started my research and reflection for this text intent to write a female equivalent of my “10 things every guy should know,” which itself touches on some “feminist” topics (and I encourage anyone who likes this text to read it) . In my attempts to reach out to feminists and sociologists in my broader circle and at my university, I was essentially universally advised not to write it and the many of my requests for input were actually ignored or not answered whatsoever. The differing levels of respect I received from feminists when reaching out to write a text clearing up misconceptions about identity, gender roles, self-worth, and respect, led me to realize that respect is actually at the core of every issue I was seeking to cover.

So, I decided to compile my thoughts into a few (7) overarching points. This list is, of course, by no means exhaustive.

1. Respect means treating people as individuals

This is a really simple concept: accept that a person is a mix of what they have experienced (including where they come from), how they see/choose to see things, and where they want to go. We do not get to choose what we have been through or experienced, and we cannot define people solely through their past as much as we can define them solely through their ethnicity, looks, or gender.

Understanding people are individuals forces you to understand their actions as an expression of who they are (which, admittedly, is partially a product of social identity), and allows you to hold them (and not some group) responsible for it. Respecting people on an individual basis also allows you to better understand their behavior, and show deeper empathy.

2. Showing respect doesn’t always mean being nice

Respect excludes actions or expressions which seek solely to damage, but they in no way exclude criticism or critical thinking. Saying no to someone is almost certainly not going to please them, but respect for yourself and the other’s understanding of the world makes expressing and explaining your actual position more meaningful and respectful. This also means not punishing people for honesty, no matter what that honesty is.

Of course, timing and context are important, and must be considered in regard to honesty. There is a time and a place for every discussion, and many things are best discussed in a tighter circle (to allow the criticism to be accepted and not defended against in an effort to defend reputation). Avoiding answering a question is a right someone always has, and as a receiver of such an answer you should understand it is in fact more respectful than a lie.

That said, there is nothing respectful about tolerating another treating others with disrespect (denying their humanity, their value, and their potential): you set a positive precedent when you stand up in such instances. This will not immediately gain you respect, but an unwavering respect for life will gain you more respect long term than any financial accomplishments.
Continue reading