Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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“Forgive & Forget” – I always knew this was wrong & it is narcissist behaviour.

 

I see so clearly how this is a typical narcissistic trait – it gives abusive people the perfect way to abuse others and then demand you just forgive and forget – with no consequences to the behaviour.

I see clearly how church people/religious people LOVE to use this to do as they wish, have no consequences to their behaviour, have no repentance and put the full responsibility on the person hurt – to do the forgiving – and call them a bad Christian if they don’t.

Abusive religious people love cheap grace and demanding forgiveness – with no repentance. And projecting blame onto the victims. And telling you, you are wrong to feel angry about the abuse/lies you have endured.

I’ve known since I was a child, that people not dealing with their behaviours appropriately, is wrong. Continue reading


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Why I’ve always wanted older people to ‘look after’ the inner child me.

“Inverted parenting is a hallmark of an alcoholic family, as well as in a family with a narcissistic personality disordered mother.

This situation causes post traumatic stress disorder.

None of the children are getting their emotional needs met in a healthy way. Each position that the children fill serves a purpose for the family.

The children often act very mature, such as acting 40 when they are 10. However, when they are older all of their infantile needs rise to the surface and they want to be taken care of by their partner.

This often dooms the relationship because the partner can not be the parent and save the relationship.”

This ^ From Blog http://echorecovery.blogspot.com.au/search/label/Scapegoating

I was treated differently to my sisters, so this applies to me, but they ended up being like their parents, rather than like this. But, we were all abused. I was the mother to my sisters, and also looked after my mother’s needs.

I don’t actually want my husband to take care of my ‘inner child’ – which is probably one reason our relationship has lasted, but I have sought it from others, men and women.

Those unmet childhood needs, continue on, right through adulthood. I don’t know how to stop this.

Needs are needs.

It’s not like I can take medication to stop that, or go to AA etc. Continue reading


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Abusers, always use ways to discredit their victims.

I’ve had this all my life. Starting in childhood, my abusive mother and abusive step father used all the typical narcissist/psychopath tactics to discredit me as a someone credible, to keep the abuse hidden. Keep the family secrets hidden. The scapegoat role I was given, was extended to my sisters who were moulded to be the same as their parents.

At around 13/14, I tried to kill myself. I took a whole load of tablets and wanted to die, I couldn’t take the pain any longer. Of course my mother was annoyed at me about this and I was labelled an attention seeking drama queen. The perfect way to discredit me, should I dare to expose anything. Other family members were also manipulated into believing I was the issue. This continued for 40 years, until I started to expose the truth, my sisters now hating me. As they were trained to – if I ever exposed the truth.

Dysfunctional families, will do anything and everything, to keep the dysfunction and truth from being exposed. The scapegoat is the threat. So they to have discredit the scapegoat, as much as is possible – with lies, deceit and further abuse.

Being very open about having my past and having PTSD, has also been used by others as the perfect way to discredit me, not believe me about an abuser pastor, minimize what I endured. Not believe me when I explained he is a narcissist, a liar and an abuser. This discrediting used by all concerned to not do what is needed. Not do what is right. It gives them the perfect excuse to take the easy, comfortable road. Again the narcissistic abuser, lying in all the many ways lies are used. Manipulating people and them going along with it. Like apathetic sheep.

More abuse, and by ‘Christians’ this time. Continue reading


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Scapegoat abuse, is deeply damaging psychological abuse. My sisters continued it.

My sisters were trained by their abuser father and our abuser mother, to treat me as the scapegoat.

I was blamed for everything.

I was blamed at 12, for the sexual abuse by a paedophile friend of my step father, blamed for this paedophile abusing my sister. Told it was my fault, because I didn’t tell earlier. I was shown no care or love. I had been abused for around 3-4 years, forced to watch hard core porn, molested, forced to perform sexual acts on the paedophile.

I now fully believe my mother and step father knew the abuse was occurring. My step father had a circle of abuser friends, and he continued speaking to this paedophile, after the sexual abuse had been disclosed.

I was blamed for many other things too. Continue reading


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Cancelling appt with psychiatrist this week.

I am aware if I talk about certain things, it will become part of my medical records.

Should I ever need legal help, due to anything – abusive, manipulative people, will use whatever I have on my medical records, against me.

I don’t intend taking that chance. It’s bad enough having PTSD on my medical records – which is little understood by so many.

I do not intend to allow my PTSD etc, to be used as scapegoat again, this has already happened by church people.

I intend being very careful from now on, what I speak about with anyone, even in counselling. I know what I am dealing with, I know why. I have deep insight and awareness of my mind and it’s high capacity to function.

I don’t trust people to do what’s right, because so few do. People use whatever they can, lie, manipulate…it’s human nature.

Paranoid – no.

Vigilant – yes.

Discernment – yes.

Wise – yes.

Insightful into humanity – yes.

Experienced into humanity – yes.

Stupid – no.


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“Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers”

I am going to buy this book as I truly believe the damage caused by being raised by narcissistic/sociopathic people, is deep.

It is good to read/hear different perspectives and know more about why we subconsciously act, react. think, fear – the way we do.


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The reason why the ‘scapegoat’ is picked…

I found this on the amazing Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/pages/Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder-Mother/499761973369646

Every post this page ^ posts – describes is my childhood.

But, I am actually glad I was the scapegoat, because I knew my family were mentally ill, I knew what they did was wrong and unhealthy, and abusive.

I am thankful I didn’t become like them.

I am thankful they knew I didn’t conform to their abusive ways and saw me as a threat to their world of abuse.

I am eternally thankful – to be very different to all of them.