Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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25 Obvious & Non Obvious Self Care Issues – Complex Trauma Survivors Struggle With ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Self care is something spoken about a lot, and seems so very easy. Well, not to complex trauma survivors and in particular childhood complex trauma survivors.

I asked my Facebook community, what were their biggest self care issues, these were some of their responses, which express the obvious self care needs and the not so obvious self care needs, complex trauma survivors struggle with.. Continue reading


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You Know You Are Healing From Complex Trauma – When You Don’t Internalise Toxic People’s Darkness ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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This toxic person – decided trolling a woman who has suffered so greatly, and then is grieving the death of her abusive mother – was the person to troll, abuse and harass. Which is a pretty disgusting thing for someone to do. But, that’s sadly how vile some people choose to be.

I always reflect on these situations – as to how I dealt with it and I am pleased with myself. I did not get remotely upset. I did not feel hurt or angry.

I just stepped back, looked at the actions of this toxic person, and placed the appropriate boundaries. I did not respond to her many emails. I did not react back. I’ve learned that toxic people don’t respond well to being told their actions are abusive.

And this is indeed – healing.

I no longer internalise toxic people’s darkness. That’s their shit to deal with. Continue reading


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Surround yourself with good people ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I no longer choose to be around people who don’t want the best for me.

I have no issue with removing people from my life who have non genuine motivations.

I have no desire to be around those who use and abuse others.

I no longer feel the need to give any attention to those who criticise me, put me down, mock, scorn, ridicule, invalidate or any other toxic behaviours.

I have no feeling of responsibility for toxic people.

And what is even better – is I have no desire to even think about these people, what their issues are, or why they are behaving the way they do.

Those days are over.

I don’t care to give them any attention, any longer.

I choose now, to only surround myself with good people who are genuine, have good motivations and want the best for others.

Who I associate with, connect with, spend time with, give my energy to, allow into my inner circle …. will be a reflection of all I always deserved – good people. Continue reading


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I realised, I needed to be much tougher. And that’s not a bad thing ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

All my life, I have tolerated unhealthy and abusive issues from others and never stood up for myself. Abuse was my ‘normal’ – from as far back as I ever remember.

I’m aware my childhood created the very vigilant, very intuitive person I am – who was also a doormat to anyone else’s toxic issues. I was groomed to tolerated it.

It always went really badly – when I tried to stand up for myself. Because when toxic people see their victims are going to resist/object to what they are doing – they turn up the heat on their toxic behaviours. Which is done intentionally – to stop the victim from resisting or objecting.

This pattern of not objecting or resisting continued on, all my life. Until about a year ago, when I started to realise I had every right to tell people to take a hike and they were not welcome in my life – in any form.

I had to fight with my self over this – to not feel like I was doing the wrong thing. It ‘felt’ wrong – to have boundaries with toxic people. It wasn’t my normal and I always had considerable anxiety at having boundaries, and standing up for myself – because of the history of being treated worse – when I tried.

Now, after more recent issues occurring in my life……. I really am at a stage where I am O.V.E.R. dealing with other people’s issues and I do not in any way now – feel responsible for helping them, or dealing with their issues.

I have healed enough and developed enough self esteem – to insist people behave in a way that meets my requirements for behaviour/attitude, or they will not be in my life.

I am tougher now. And I am glad to feel that anxiety about this – having gone.

I have standards and people have to meet them, or they are out.

This doesn’t mean I hate them, or want anything bad to happen to them. It doesn’t mean I don’t want the best for them – I do. So, no wrong judgments and assumptions needed – about how I feel about toxic people.

But, I simply do not have any desire to have toxic people in my life, in any way. And wherever possible, they will be removed from my life.

I have realised I need to protect my empathic self, from those who do not deserve it. And people do need to earn my respect and my empathy. People don’t get to demand or expect that from me anymore.

I feel stronger and tougher, than I have ever been in my life.

And I see how badly I was previously treated – by not having this strength of emotional boundaries, self esteem and toughness.

This doesn’t mean I no longer have empathy – but I am very selective as to whom I give that to.

It doesn’t make me compassionate – to be a doormat to other people’s toxicity. That made me vulnerable and easily preyed upon.

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Toxic people don’t play fair, and they look for vulnerable people. Continue reading


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The Healing Journey, Takes As Long As It Needs To Take ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I am a great believer, in we can only heal what we choose to acknowledge and choose to deal with.

I also know the depths of pain and suffering and grieving, due to complex trauma – need to be processed slowly. So not to overwhelm us completely.

I have needed to take my healing journey a lot slower than I would have liked. But, it was and still is – the speed it needs to be. I no longer criticise myself for how long it is taking. I have taken that unnecessary burden and shame it creates – off the table. And I have replaced it with self compassion.

There are many layers of trauma involved in complex trauma. There are many layers of emotions and pain. There is whole complex grieving process to go through. This cannot be a quick process. Trying to heal quickly, only forces us to suppress that which needs healing. And then healing is very limited., as a result.

It takes time, and every journey is different. We cannot compare and all we can each do, is focus on our own specific journey, our own unique needs and allow the healing journey to take it’s own pace.

We need this self compassion and self patience. Both of which, are very difficult for many of us, but something we all need to develop. Our healing is dependent on these and they are a part of the journey and they take time as well.

Continue reading