Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


You Know You Are Healing From Complex Trauma – When You Don’t Internalise Toxic People’s Darkness ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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This toxic person – decided trolling a woman who has suffered so greatly, and then is grieving the death of her abusive mother – was the person to troll, abuse and harass. Which is a pretty disgusting thing for someone to do. But, that’s sadly how vile some people choose to be.

I always reflect on these situations – as to how I dealt with it and I am pleased with myself. I did not get remotely upset. I did not feel hurt or angry.

I just stepped back, looked at the actions of this toxic person, and placed the appropriate boundaries. I did not respond to her many emails. I did not react back. I’ve learned that toxic people don’t respond well to being told their actions are abusive.

And this is indeed – healing.

I no longer internalise toxic people’s darkness. That’s their shit to deal with. Continue reading

Remaining calm, whilst being patronised…

Being patronised, or having my intelligence insulted….. is something I am very used to. It’s been happening, since I was a child.

Since developing far healthier self esteem over the last few years, I have realised, my intelligence & my empathy capacity, were the very strengths I have – that abusive, toxic or unhealthy people needed to attack the most…. So I wouldn’t expose what they are. My intelligence, is/was something they feared.

Over the last few years, having my intelligence insulted, has really irritated me. It’s been wrong for the person doing it at the time, and a trigger to past abuse.

But, having had this happen again today….. and reacting calmly – whilst politely asking the person not to patronise me….. shows my capacity to control my emotions, far better than a few years back.

I always use shitty life experiences, to gauge where I am at.

I now have the self esteem, to not be patronised and the capacity for self control, to not react back, with an equally shitty response. Continue reading


Boundaries are needed, when you are controversial.

People with a deeper level of insight into issues that are emotive, receive mixed reactions to their views.

There is no-one who has done good in this world, without being controversial. Because, people often do not understand a deeper point of view. And people mostly dismiss a different point of view that does not comply with their beliefs.

I have empathy in many ways, for those who are defensive about what they hear and don’t like hearing. I’ve had to face this myself.

The most wisdom I have ever gained, was by hearing what I didn’t want to hear. But, I listened, I considered, I asked more questions, I debated, I thought about it, until I knew I understood it completely.

One of these issues I have thought about a lot and considered deeply, is shame. And those who shame others, and why. Why society shames abuse survivors. Why shame is considered as a terrible emotion. Why the terms ‘victim’ and ‘self pity’ are obsessively considered shameful, by most of society.


What I have also learned in the process, is having boundaries. Some people, when faced with hearing what they do not want to hear, will respond inappropriately. They will be defensive, react from a place hurt and feel entitled to do so. I know, I’ve been there and done this myself. But, I always quickly know what I have done, and sort it out appropriately.

I had to learn my own boundaries, when reacting to others. And I have. I had to learn Continue reading

It’s a far safer way of developing friendships…

It takes a lot of self insight and honesty capacity, to be able to view yourself, from outside of yourself and then discern your own interactions and behaviours. And how they are perceived by others. Whilst also viewing other people’s interactions, behaviours etc.

Had a lovely time at my ladies group again today. A very diverse groups of ladies, all older than myself, all in very different relationship situations. Some divorced, some never married, some married. Very different lifestyles. Very difference financial situations etc.

People fascinate me. I am definitely able to use my discernment and vigilance skills, to see into the lives of these ladies.

I give very little of myself away. I talk about myself in a very careful, guarded way. But, still in a friendly way. They still only know I am married, have children, my husband is a cop. Little more than that has been revealed.

I, however, know a lot more about them. They have all opened up, shared, and the group have responded in a non judgmental way. Which is good.

I already know two of the ladies have had difficult childhoods. They haven’t said much, but I can tell from the little they have said. A couple have divorced out of unhappy marriages. One lady is unable to consider marriage, due to her childhood experiences. Which I can tell, was abusive, likely due to domestic violence type issues. One lady in a difficult marriage, with a controlling husband, who does not like her to go out. When she said ‘my husband lets me come to this coffee group, because it’s only the price of a coffee, and there’s only women attending. That spoke volumes to me. A few times, issues like depression have been mentioned. And I can see who is struggling with that, even if they are not going into any detail.

I’ve said little about what I have already picked up on. I’ve nodded and been careful in my responses. I want these ladies to feel accepted, not judged, not forced to reveal more than they want to. And with each of these ladies and their life situations, it is not my place to give opinions, or advice. I just let them be themselves.

I just want them to have somewhere safe to feel welcomed and included. Somewhere ladies can meet and not feel any pressure, in any way. Just a space and group to feel they belong.

We also have lots of laughs and giggles, and Continue reading

Wise enough to know…when I’m not wise enough.

Wrote this on my Lilly Hope Lucario FB page..

As we were waiting outside my 5 year olds classroom this morning, another mother speaking to her 5 year old son..

“If you keep messing I’m gonna smack ya and all your friends will see and they’ll all laugh at ya”.

Then she looked at me and smiled, as if she thought what she said was funny and I was going to smile back. It took every ounce of strength in me to not say to her..

“Do you realise how emotionally and psychologically abusive it is to say that to your child and that smacking is physical abuse, as per neuroscience and child development/psychology.”

I think my facial response, was probably enough for her to realise, I didn’t agree or think what she said was amusing.

Poor parenting, is the cause of much harm, abuse and mental health in the world.

Several responses were stated including how some would have said something anyway and too many ignore abuse, which is do understand but this was my response..

Yes, too many do turn a blind eye to child abuse. I think if she had hit him, I would of probably said something.

I’m also aware that in the moment of what occurred, my emotions became heightened, and I will react in an annoyed way – which will only annoy her and not have any positive affect. And I wouldn’t want to say something just to relieve ‘my’ annoyance, I would only want to speak in a way that would actually help the child.
Continue reading