Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

When you have been abused as a child, you need to learn these ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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alone all my life-002

Remaining calm, whilst being patronised…

Being patronised, or having my intelligence insulted….. is something I am very used to. It’s been happening, since I was a child.

Since developing far healthier self esteem over the last few years, I have realised, my intelligence & my empathy capacity, were the very strengths I have – that abusive, toxic or unhealthy people needed to attack the most…. So I wouldn’t expose what they are. My intelligence, is/was something they feared.

Over the last few years, having my intelligence insulted, has really irritated me. It’s been wrong for the person doing it at the time, and a trigger to past abuse.

But, having had this happen again today….. and reacting calmly – whilst politely asking the person not to patronise me….. shows my capacity to control my emotions, far better than a few years back.

I always use shitty life experiences, to gauge where I am at.

I now have the self esteem, to not be patronised and the capacity for self control, to not react back, with an equally shitty response. Continue reading


I am ‘quirky’. And absolutely okay with that label.

We discussed this in counselling today. All part of my ‘what I am/what I am not’ processing.

People have labels for those who don’t fit the ‘norm’. Who aren’t ‘average’. I’m not the norm and I’m not average. I haven’t had an average life. I don’t have an average personality. I don’t have average intelligence. I don’t have average thinking capacity. I don’t have an average conscience. I don’t have average capacity for empathy, self honesty, insight. I know these are strengths and they are nothing to feel negative about. No matter what other choose to think.

None of my strengths make me better than anyone, but I am someone many people don’t understand. Often people have a tendency to reject what they don’t understand. So, I get labelled in many ways – good and bad, meaning I am different. Which I am. And I am absolutely okay with that.

I not only accept my ‘quirkiness’ – but now I embrace it. I like my quirkiness. I am okay with being different. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses. I have self insight.


Those who are okay with my quirkiness, that great. Those who don’t, that’s okay too.

I have no motivation, need or desire, to ‘fit in’, or be validated by anyone. I have no need to try and be ‘normal’ or ‘average’- just to be accepted by anyone. Continue reading

Counselling homework… What I am/am not.

Several weeks ago, we started art therapy. The issues that have needed to be dealt with, over the last few weeks, have side-tracked this art therapy. But, I said today, I do want to get back to that. And my counsellor, was encouraging of this.

I also said tomorrow, I am having a whole day off social media and blogging, and have a day creating a collage of the fab family pictures I have of my 7 year old’s Birthday at the zoo. She was very encouraging of this too and asked to see photo’s when I’ve finished it. She is a great believer in creativity helping people to deal with, process trauma. And for general wellbeing, for everyone. She is creative and does a lot of patchwork/sewing.

So, now we are back to doing the art therapy, I have to think about a list of things I am, and things I am not.

This is hard for me. I know I am considered brave, honest, intelligent, insightful, not your average person  …. but after that, it gets a little difficult.

I have heard a lot of people give me their opinions of who I am. Good, bad and ugly opinions. And it’s always easier for me to believe the bad things, than the good.

I have issues still, due to my childhood… where unless I am really amazing at something…. it’s not ‘good enough’. And I feel like Continue reading


I had to learn I deserve healthy people & healthy relationships

For a long time – decades – I didn’t believe I deserved healthy people in my life. So I accepted unhealthy and toxic people. It was all I knew. It was what was ‘normal’ for me, from early childhood, onwards. And I was inevitably treated badly, abused, harmed, by them.

I had to learn my intuition about people, and my capacity to work people out, is accurate and highly developed. And to not ignore it. It is a gift from having to keep myself as safe as possible, for the first 20 years of my life.

Now, I do know I deserve healthy people and healthy relationships. Continue reading


There is such freedom, in not taking other people’s issues, personally.

nothing personally


I am at that stage in my healing, maturity and growth, I absolutely know – other people’s issues, are nothing to do with me.

I no longer see other people’s issues as a reflection of me. They are only a reflection of themselves.

I no longer absorb them.

I no longer blame myself. Or allow people to blame me for their own issues.

I no longer feel responsible for helping other people fix their issues. I leave that all to them.

I no longer feel I need to endure their issues, as I was trained to in childhood. I now know, I do not have to tolerate them. And enabling them – is unwise and does not benefit anyone.

I totally recognise, other people’s issues, in all their many forms – are Continue reading


Really thankful for new friendships.

I am really enjoying the new friendships I have formed. I enjoy walking and chatting, having coffee and slowly building new friendships with mature and easy going women.

It feels good to be staying away from chaos. And being far more discerning in where and who I form friendships with.

Having boundaries, is proving continually how different life can be. By staying away from those who create chaos and unhealthy, immature people, life is easier.

I value these new friendships, as well as the ongoing friendships I have.

When you realise how needed boundaries are, and how no longer tolerating toxic, or unhealthy, or gossip loving, or manipulative etc, it does indeed improve wellbeing…. life improves. Continue reading

My Website, Blog, are a deep reflection of who I am.

My Website and Blog have been described as many things, all of which are a reflection of who I am, because they are my writing, from my heart. They are both continuing to evolve, grow, expand and this is a reflection of me too.

I have had mental health professionals describe them as;

Rare, unique, quality, passionate, engaged,

practical, clear, insightful, real, raw,

inspirational, encouraging, needed, vital,

wonderful, honest, educated, intelligent,

knowledgeable, wisdom, compassionate,

courageous, kindness, hopeful and

unusual depth of understanding

of a new and complex

field of psychology.

These are all a reflection of who I am. Because everything I author, write, express, is me. From my heart and soul.

Continue reading


Michelle Obama, says Beyonce is a great role model…..really!?


I have been quite disappointed in Beyoncé’s demise into needing to be half naked, and writhe around in video’s in a highly sexual manner, which has become a common theme of hers now.

Now, I like Beyoncé, I like some of her music. I don’t think she is a bad person, in any way. But, since getting married, she has for some reason, changed and not all for the better, at all. 

But is this really the ‘message’ we want to send our youth, teenagers etc? 

Do we want girls to believe you have to act like that and be half naked, to be attractive and be like our favourite role model?


Do we want boys to believe this is what girls should be doing and to sexualise them, from such a young age.

Quite frankly, this seriously disappoints me, that someone like Michelle Obama could consider this type of behaviour, to be role model material.

It all feeds in to women being treated as sexual objects and men can treat them as such.

It all feeds in to rape culture and abuse of women being acceptable, condonable, justifiable. Continue reading

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It is okay, to feel good about our achievements/gifts/strengths ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

A post to my community page 🙂
Over the last few months, I have been diligently beavering away, updating my Website, making it more user friendly, adding heaps of info.

(Website @ http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/ )

I am happy with how it is now looking and thankful it helps many, and I am pleased with my achievement. It doesn’t mean I think it is the best, or is amazing, or anything of that nature. At all.

But, it is the best *I* can provide and I *am okay* with that.

We often have been programmed through abuse, to not believe anything good about ourselves, to feel like saying something is a strength, or an achievement, is not okay. Is wrong.

I still have issues about feeling anything good about myself – but I am working on it 😉

It isn’t wrong.
We all have strengths, we all have gifts.
And it is *okay’ to acknowledge that.

Continue reading