Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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25 Obvious & Non Obvious Self Care Issues – Complex Trauma Survivors Struggle With ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Self care is something spoken about a lot, and seems so very easy. Well, not to complex trauma survivors and in particular childhood complex trauma survivors.

I asked my Facebook community, what were their biggest self care issues, these were some of their responses, which express the obvious self care needs and the not so obvious self care needs, complex trauma survivors struggle with.. Continue reading


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11 Ways Child Abuse Survivors Emotionally Self Harm ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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There is a fairly good understanding in society about physical self harm – such as cutting, burning etc.

But, there isn’t anywhere near as much insight and understanding, as to all the many ways child abuse survivors – emotionally self harm.

The following are ways survivors of child abuse – harm themselves. Often completely unaware they are self harming. It is often not a deliberate act of self harm.

When considering whether a behaviour or thinking is harmful, it is necessary to look at the result of it. Is there something negative occurring, as a result?  If there is, and the survivor keeps repeating it, then this is emotionally self harmful.

I want to make it clear prior to anyone reading this – there is no judgement about any of this. I am simply pointing out what I see are understandable – but unhealthy ways child abuse survivors harm themselves. And only in identifying these, can a survivor choose to change and heal. Continue reading


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Emotional Self Harm & Lack Of Self Care

A post to my page..


~~~ Emotional Self Harm ~~~

Do you find that you know what you ‘should’ do to help with self care and wellbeing…but just feel unable to do it?

I find that I plan and expect too much for my current capacity.

I think part of this, is because I never learned self care and healthy behaviours, plus I used to be highly functioning – so I feel a failure now and also due to feeling continually exhausted.

But….I also know it because I have always had emotional self harm issues, with setting myself up with unrealistic expectations, which subconsciously I know I will fail, and then I hate myself.

This is common with complex trauma survivors, especially those who have been harmed in prolonged abuse by narcissists/psychopaths and those scapegoated by parents.

Emotional self harm, is not obvious like physical self harm e.g. cutting.

But, emotional self harm, can cause just as much harm, is harder to understand and therefore, more difficult to accept we are doing to ourselves. And I believe emotional self harm, is probably as much, if not more prevalent in complex trauma survivors, than physical self harm…..but is rarely talked about – due to not being visible and not understood by many.


I also realise my reasons for doing what is considered healthy – like exercise, were previously not for healthy reasons, it was also a form of self punishment/perfectionism issues (I was a gym junkie) and also because I needed to ‘look’ as perfect as I could, and yet never looked ‘good enough’.
It was never about my health and wellbeing.Now I don’t have my unhealthy reasons to eat well, exercise etc, I have no driving force to do it regularly. Because I clearly don’t care about myself enough to do it regularly for my healthy wellbeing.

Continue reading


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The Compulsion to Repeat the Trauma – Re-enactment, Revictimization, and Masochism, Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD*

The Compulsion to Repeat the Trauma

Re-enactment, Revictimization, and Masochism

Bessel A. van der Kolk, MD*

http://www.cirp.org/library/psych/vanderkolk/#n120

This is really hard reading.

I have read about this before, but now I am starting to realize the extent of how the child abuse and child sexual abuse, has affected my entire life, in so many ways.

My emotions, are a kind of relief, to start to understand and have less confusion…..combined with levels of shame I still feel, deep sadness that I have been harmed in such profound ways, and anger towards those who caused all this.

And anger to those who made choices to take advantage of my vulnerable state, to hurt and harm me more, as despite anything I did and my psychological reasons for this…..

This still did not give anyone the right to abuse me, it does not justify what they did, or lesson the severity of the abuse they caused, or make their lies/denying etc, acceptable. It still in no way minimizes their intentions to harm me, or the harm they caused – which was about their issues, not mine. I was such easy prey and they took advantage of this, completely.


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Self Flagellation…..there are many ways to self harm., hurt oneself….but this is not what God wants.

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This just came to me….thank you Jesus ❤

Self harm….something many participate in and have many reasons for this. All shame based.

It’s interesting and sad how wrong so many church people can get what God wants, and how much He loves us.

He doesn’t want anyone to hurt themselves. And certainly not to prove our love for Him. God is pure, perfect love. This does not require us hurting ourselves, for Him. Yes, be uncomfortable, act with courage, spiritual integrity, wisdom….but not get really hurt in the process, harming healing and wellbeing. I do know God does not want or expect that at all.

Self harm, is not only the religious practices some participate in. There are many, emotional, spiritual, psychological forms of self harm, and I have several. I had even more in the past. And it is weird that I still crave some of the ones I no longer participate in.

I know my deep desire to do what is needed for God….can put me into the non healthy boundary area, of thinking it is okay if I get hurt, to do what is right for God.

But, I do need to question myself about this. This cannot become an excuse, to harm myself. That will be an idol – my need to self harm, not at all what God wants. And I do not want to be worshipping my need to self harm. Because, I know what God wants, is absolutely perfect for what we need. Continue reading


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I guessed Robin Williams was abused as a child.

I guessed there would be abuse from Robin Williams’ childhood. There usually is, when someone is suffering through their life and has suicidal thoughts.

This is from Wikipedia, so not entirely sure of it’s accuracy, but as with many who suffer mental health disorders and suicidal thoughts, often this is due to childhood abuse.

Williams described himself as a quiet child whose first imitation was of his grandmother to his mother. He did not overcome his shyness until he became involved with his high school drama department.[17] Williams attended public elementary school at Gorton Elementary School (now Gorton Community Center) and middle school at Deer Path Junior High School (now Deer Path Middle School),[18] both in Lake Forest, Illinois. His young friends recall him as being very funny.[19] When Williams was in seventh grade in the fall of 1963,[18] his father was transferred to Detroit, so the family moved to a 40-room farm house in suburban Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, where he was a student at the private Detroit Country Day School.[20] He excelled in school and became president of the class. He was on the school’s soccer team and wrestling team.[21] In middle school, Williams was bullied and sought out new routes home to avoid his tormentors.[22] He told jokes to his mother to make her laugh and pay attention to him.[22] Williams spent much of his time alone in the family’s large home, playing with his 2,000 toy soldiers.[22]

Williams’s father was away much of the time and, when he was home, Williams found him “frightening”. His mother worked too, leaving Williams to be attended to by the maids they employed. Williams claimed his upbringing left him with an acute fear of abandonment and a condition he described as “Love Me Syndrome.” Continue reading