The patient wanted to know, and her therapist — Marsha M. Linehan of the University of Washington, creator of a treatment used worldwide for severely suicidal people — had a ready answer. It was the one she always used to cut the question short, whether a patient asked it hopefully, accusingly or knowingly, having glimpsed the macramé of faded burns, cuts and welts on Dr. Linehan’s arms:
“You mean, have I suffered?”
“No, Marsha,” the patient replied, in an encounter last spring. “I mean one of us. Like us. Because if you were, it would give all of us so much hope.”
“That did it,” said Dr. Linehan, 68, who told her story in public for the first time last week before an audience of friends, family and doctors at the Institute of Living, the Hartford clinic where she was first treated for extreme social withdrawal at age 17. “So many people have begged me to come forward, and I just thought — well, I have to do this. I owe it to them. I cannot die a coward.” Continue reading →
Today, I shared the blog I wrote about how empathy for complex trauma survivors in therapy relationships is vital. And how therapists speaking in a clinical, non ‘normal’ emotions way, flags as unsafe and hinders building enough trust and safety in the therapeutic relationship.
INFJ – is one of the personality types in the Myers Briggs Personality tests, which are based upon the work of Carl Jung.
I am an INFJ. I have a strong sense of justice, intuition, right and wrong, a capacity for empathy and motivation matters to me. These strengths, are usually far more developed in INFJ’s, than average.
I read an article the other day, how when narcissistic people take these tests, their delusion based answers, can give them a result of being an INFJ.
‘Sensitivity’ is something that is often confused and plays into this delusion. Being oversensitive to criticism, and always reacting badly and immaturely, is narcissism. Whereas, being aware and sensitive of the needs and emotions of others, is empathic sensitivity. There is a huge difference between these. The former, is all about self and self serving. The latter is about others, and others centred.
A popular INFJ page, has posts which are more narcissistic based motivations, than empathy based motivations. They include hurting others, and a sense of entitlement to do that, with no conscience and no remorse.
The posts are often ‘me me me’ based. With little thought as to the effect of this on others. Doesn’t sound empathic to me. Sounds narcissistic to me.
Having considered the posts and the reaction to one post – where I disagreed – it became clear – the admin and other commenters, were in fact narcissistic in their attitudes and responses. They justified their harmful behaviours. Classic narcissism. Continue reading →
A post to my page, about what is required, to manage PTSD and Complex PTSD symptoms.
You need self insight and self honesty, to acknowledge the symptoms, why they are occurring. And then a willingness, to learn to manage the symptoms. Which takes time. But, is worth the effort and needed for a better quality of life.
Judgmental people, often claim judgment is wrong. What they really mean is ‘don’t judge me’ but it’s okay for me to judge.
People who call others stupid, are often that themselves. Stupid people, don’t know they are stupid.
Ignorant people, often call others ignorance.
Uneducated people, often call others uneducated. Only strong people know life is meant to be a lifelong learning process.
Nasty people, often call others nasty.
The list is endless.
I see this on social media, a lot.
I often see posts, that I just shake my head at….. because the people concerned have no insight, self insight, self honesty, or the capacity to see how hypocritical they are and how they are projecting the very issues, they have themselves. Continue reading →
I see so many unwise, dishonest quotes travelling social media. They truly are bizarre to me. All they show is a lack of self honesty and a lack of self insight.
This quote is one of them…
For any person to believe their heart is pure, is basically saying they are perfect. No-one is perfect. No-one is without thoughts that are not perfectly good. Everyone has thoughts, that are imperfect and no-one is ‘never’ selfish at some point.
It takes courage to admit this.
I absolutely agree, there is a continuum people are on, and too many people are too far up the selfish, self serving continuum………. and some are far less selfish, and far less self serving.
But, no-one is pure. No-one is perfect.
It is an unhealthy ego, that believes their heart is pure and not capable of improvement.
All this quote shows to me, is this black and white thinking issue, many people have. Where they believe in something absolutely and have little self insight, or self honesty.
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We discussed this in counselling today. All part of my ‘what I am/what I am not’ processing.
People have labels for those who don’t fit the ‘norm’. Who aren’t ‘average’. I’m not the norm and I’m not average. I haven’t had an average life. I don’t have an average personality. I don’t have average intelligence. I don’t have average thinking capacity. I don’t have an average conscience. I don’t have average capacity for empathy, self honesty, insight. I know these are strengths and they are nothing to feel negative about. No matter what other choose to think.
None of my strengths make me better than anyone, but I am someone many people don’t understand. Often people have a tendency to reject what they don’t understand. So, I get labelled in many ways – good and bad, meaning I am different. Which I am. And I am absolutely okay with that.
I not only accept my ‘quirkiness’ – but now I embrace it. I like my quirkiness. I am okay with being different. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses. I have self insight.
Those who are okay with my quirkiness, that great. Those who don’t, that’s okay too.
I have no motivation, need or desire, to ‘fit in’, or be validated by anyone. I have no need to try and be ‘normal’ or ‘average’- just to be accepted by anyone. Continue reading →
In counselling today, we discussed this issue I have had, of positively labelling myself courageous, brave. I feel that I have the capacity and have demonstrated enough courage and bravery, to see why people label me as such…. but struggle with these labels.
The result of this discussion…….I have demonstrated these over decades of time. To survive all I have, and take care of myself for as long as I did, is ‘enough’ to earn me these labels.
We also discussed the term ‘warrior’ and I see that can shame people and why. I do have considerable insight and reflection capacity, to see this is a label, that people can give themselves to cope. They need it as an identity. But, it also shames others, who are not seen as being ‘warriors’. Which is not okay. I don’t want to shame anyone. I don’t need that label. I am human, I struggle at times. I don’t want the burden of trying to live up to the ‘warrior’ image. I don’t need that label as my armour – to help define my self image/identity. This was confirmed as healthy.
But, the outcome of discussing all this, is I have demonstrated enough bravery, courage, inner strength, resilience, insight, honesty, empathy…. to indeed call myself those descriptions. Without any clarification needed.
My counsellor does feel my ‘not good enough’ issues due to all the childhood abuse, have played into my issues with not accepting these labels/descriptions, in full. So, it is good I worked that out too. The ‘not good enough’ is something many narcissistic parent survivors, deal with. I see how mine, have affected me.
I don’t have to have 100% perfection – every single day – in courage and bravery etc…. to be ‘good enough’ to call myself these. No-one has perfection in these. What I have already demonstrated and continue to demonstrate over decades, ‘is enough’ to earn these descriptions.
We also discussed my recent thoughts about accepting complements, why I have struggled with them and how I am now dealing with them. Which was described as more self reflection, more insight. And definitely a healthy way to view compliments now. For example, someone calling me very beautiful. I can accept graciously, that is someone’s opinion. And that is okay. It is also okay if people don’t think I’m beautiful. I’m totally okay either way, and don’t ‘need’ people to think I’m beautiful.
I receive a lot of feedback about my work, here on this blog, my website and social media platforms.
Anyone can write about the symptoms of PTSD and Complex PTSD. And anyone can post generalised positive quotes etc.
But, it takes deep insight and empathy, to write about the deeper issues we face, and the deeper consequences of severe trauma and complex trauma.
I am thankful I am able to help many people, in a meaningful way. And to be writing about issues, most people are not writing about, that I know impact survivors lives, often in ways they don’t even understand.
And to be writing in a very honest way, as to how these issues impact and affect my life too. So people know, they are not alone. Someone understands.
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