Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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It’s always interesting seeing people demand I should not express my emotions & my journey ….. on ‘my own’ blog.

The world is full of different types of people. Some are selfish, self serving, envious and feel absolutely entitled to put others down – even on the persons own blog.

This blog is where I express everything I am going through. The good, the bad and the ugly.

It is my place to talk about my own specific journey. This is not a place for people to ‘tell’ me – my emotions and my journey are ‘wrong’.

Yet, there are people out there – who tell me I should not do this. Or I should do this differently. In the way ‘they’ think I should write. And leave nasty comments, when I am struggling. Their selfishness – and need to kick someone when they are down – is so evident in their attitudes.

I have come to understand – selfish attitudes, self serving beliefs, entitled attitudes, malicious mindsets and a need to hurt someone – are common and quite frankly – pathetic.

I will continue to express my journey, my emotions here on my own blog, with the honesty and integrity I have – to express it all. Continue reading


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Thank goodness for the Twitter block button.

Today, I think it was a Twitter full moon. Too many dysfunctional people, with self serving agenda’s, little empathy and little insight.

Many of the issues I write about came to surface, as exactly what I know plays into stigma, harm and abuse.

Including…

  • The shaming issue of forcing views about forgiveness. People assume because they have forgiven – everyone should. And very entitled to project their views. Which is such a lack of empathy and abusive.
  • Calling mental illness – demons…. which I know is not appropriate, very triggering for church abuse survivors. I have empathy to know not to trigger and harm spiritual abuse survivors. Others choose to not care, or think about this in a deeper way.
  • Facts confirming abuse/child abuse/violence, causing the most PTSD & Complex PTSD, which irritates military people, because they normally get all the attention about PTSD.  When the very fact that abuse is an epidemic, then it makes sense that PTSD/Complex PTSD caused by abuse, will also be an epidemic.
  • PTSD being classified as a disorder…. some demand it should be ‘injury’ not disorder, because it was caused by trauma…. But so are many other disorders – like schizophrenia, OCD, Bipolar, Depression etc So I know in demanding PTSD be seen differently, is very demeaning about other disorders. And plays into stigma about all mental illness. And again, I have empathy to not upset people with other disorders. And the term disorder, just means collective symptoms, experiences by groups of people. So PTSD is a disorder.
  • People arguing about the description of Complex PTSD, despite me following all the experts – including Judith Herman, John Briere, Bessel van der Kolk and many more. The non experts think they know more than the experts.
  • Someone demanding the self care mantra, is rubbish. Which is bizarre.
  • People’s general lack of empathy, self serving attitudes, selfishness, lack of insight, lack of self insight and agenda’s that have no awareness of having thought or empathy for others.

All these issues, that people get very irritated, angry and defensive about, would not be issues, if people had empathy. If people could see outside of their own needs. If people considered the needs and emotions of others. If people stopped being Continue reading


It is a sad reflection of the world we live in when…

It is sad reflection of the world we live in…

Where you need to spend more time explaining

why you are empathic and compassionate and

receive more negativity and rejection about

having these virtues…..

Than you ever do, if you choose to be

selfish, egocentric and self serving.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario


It is such an immature mind, that only wants to ‘focus on the good in people’.

Society loves to promote so many unhealthy ways to think.

‘Focus on the good”
‘A beautiful mind only looks for the good in others’
‘Don’t talk about people faults, instead encourage their strengths’
“Always expect good to happen’
And many more like this.

Hardly reality is it.

This is very immature and all about giving yourself an easy life. There is good and bad in all of us. And neither should be ignored.

Yes, it is ‘reality’ that some people do have considerable more bad in them and do terrible things to other people. So, is it okay to avoid, ignore this. No, because that is enabling them.

I’m not ever promoting that we hate people. But ‘ignore the bad in people?’ Really!? That is not the way to help people to be healthy, by avoiding the bad in people.

That is just apathy and choosing an easy path for yourself, and both of these are rife within society. Continue reading


I think I need to develop some ‘I don’t care, not my problem, is it’

I don’t have this capacity to switch off my conscience, my empathy, my sense of needing to deal with things fully, when other people are being harmed.

I know most other people do, and it’s selfish, apathy and self serving.

Some people will wrap it up with pretty bow, and call it boundaries, or compassion, or grace. Which is bullshit. And very dishonest of people to suggest so.

But, maybe for my own healing, considering all I have been through, maybe I need to develop this self serving crap. To survive in this pathetically weak society I have to exist in.

Maybe I should think “I don’t care if a narcissistic, lying, manipulative, self serving, abusive man is a pastor at a church. I don’t care. I’m outta there. They can all deal with it and get lied to etc. Their problem. I’m okay, I’m safe from it all, who gives a shit if many others are being deceived…..not my problem is it”.

Maybe I should not care that abuse is increasing, and so many people are suffering and most of society doesn’t give a shit.

Maybe I shouldn’t care that millions are affected badly, but this pathetic society view, that physical health – even if self inflicted, is still a priority over mental health – which hasn’t been self inflicted. Continue reading


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No expectations. No disappointments.

I my life experiences, I have learned, that expectation of people, leads to getting hurt.

Humans, are deeply sinful. Often lacking in integrity. Often very selfish. Often dishonest.

I have tried many times, to trust people, to expect good, and mostly been very disappointed, very hurt too often, abused too much. Yes, I probably expect too much from people…like honesty. Like…wisdom. Like…unselfishness. These seem beyond the capacity of many.

I feel very disconnected from society, from people. Always have done. I’ve always seen all these issues people have and tolerated them, assumed it was me that had the problem. Now, I know it isn’t me.

It’s hard being someone with life wisdom, a deeper understanding of people’s issues than they have of themselves, with growing psychology understanding.

I am a Christian, I am meant to tolerate people, and I always have. I still do. But, in no way, is my increasing awareness of humanity, giving me more capacity to trust in people, in fact it is exactly the opposite. And Jesus knew not to trust people, He knew all the disciples would fail Him. And they did, when the shit hit the fan. A perfect Biblical illustration of human weakness. Yes, He still loved them, but He knew not to trust them.

If you never trust, you never expect, you don’t end up disappointed, don’t get hurt. After my life, it is the way I know I need to be.

I don’t think people who lack courage, who lack honesty, who lack integrity, who lack compassion, who can’t be trusted – are bad. They are who they are. But, I know all too well the hurt and harm this can cause and does cause.

I’ve always said, to trust anyone, to expect good to happen, to expect anything good from people – has always been my greatest form of self harm – and it was. Continue reading


Narcisissm & bullying epidemic, increasingly abusive & unhealthy society.

We are living in a narcissism epidemic where;

Apathy thrives

Abuse increases

Abusers are enabled

Wisdom decreases

Bullying is rife

Victim blaming increases

Fewer people care

And more and more enjoy it.

So wrong!

I refuse to join in with this sickness. I see it so clearly and I see how unhealthy society is.


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A perfect example of a highly unwise Quote.

A perfect example of highly unwise advice peddled in society…

“Everybody is special. Everybody. Everybody is a hero, a lover, a fool, a villain. Everybody. Everybody has their story to tell.”
– Alan Moore

My response…

“What utter rubbish. Paedophiles, child molesters, serial rapists, serial murderers, harmful and abusive narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths? Are they hero’s? Are they lovers?

As long as society peddles these unwise views, all the people who are not these things – continue to believe they are fine and don’t need to change.

So many people churn out these quotes and have no clue of the bigger picture. They just say what they want to believe about themselves.”

These quotes – peddled around society, are just so beyond inaccurate and so wrong.

THERE ARE REAONS WHY SOCIETY IS BECOMING INCREASINLY UNHEALTHY – DON’T BE A PART OF THAT!

They encourage unhealthy people (which is the majority of the population – most just don’t know it) – to think they are special and don’t need to change, self reflect or grow.

And this is part of the many reasons, society is encouraging and increasing unhealthy thinking, cognitive distortions, harmful behaviours, abuse, narcissism etc.

BUT THOSE WHO CANNOT SEE THIS, UNDERSTAND THIS AND DON’T HAVE INSIGHT – BUT FEEL ENTITLED TO GIVE ADVICE ANYWAY, CONTINUE, HAVING NO CLUE OF THE DAMAGE THEY ARE DOING. OFTEN JUSTIFYING IT. THEIR EGO UNABLE TO ACCPET THEY ARE DOING WRONG AND OFTEN WHAT THEY ARE DOING, IS SELF INTERESTED ANYWAY.

Yes, these quotes may be what society wants to hear, but they are not what society NEEDS to hear.


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Spanking is abuse & harms the brain – neuroscience is now proving this.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-me-in-we/201202/how-spanking-harms-the-brain

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201309/research-spanking-it-s-bad-all-kids

Medical professionals investigating the long-term effects of spanking have consistently found a link between corporal punishment and increased aggression in children. Such “educational” discipline correlates to higher levels of acting out in school and trouble in academic performance. It predicts vulnerability to depression, typically in girls, and antisocial tendencies usually manifest in boys.

The American Academy of Pediatrics and The American Psychological Association oppose striking a child or adolescent for any reason.

I used to attend a church, that had so many women (& men) – that were depressed, miserable, irritable etc – and I used to sit and think – wow, aren’t we as Christians, supposed to be joyful? But many of them weren’t. A lot of them struggle with depression and related issues.

This church also believes and promotes physical abuse as ‘discipline’. Having hitting babies & toddlers, and taking belts etc to older children and teenagers.

I rest my case.

A good hard spanking, is domestic violence.

Continually hitting children, is child abuse.