No, what was meant to kill you, does not always make you stronger ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

That old saying ‘what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger’ – is a platitude and not reality for many.

Unlike many people, I don’t put inappropriate expectations and demands on survivors of complex trauma and those with severe mental health issues, like Complex PTSD.

Empathy and compassion, is meeting someone where they are at and not shaming them for not ‘doing better’.

I see a lot of shaming attitudes out there and I can see how these can push people over the edge and can make some suicidal.

I wish society would stop the glorification of ‘positivity’, ‘being busy’ & ‘forgiveness’.

I see a lot of shaming attitudes. People sometimes don’t realise what they are doing, is in fact stoking their own egos, whilst shaming others in the process.

These three – Positivity, Being Busy & Forgiveness – are examples, I see often.

The single minded pursuit of happiness and positivity – often is merely a distraction and avoidance of the issues, that the person doesn’t want to deal with. It is often an endless pursuit many fail to continually achieve, and then feel shame in the process. Because it is not a normal and healthy human state of being continually. It is normal, to have other emotions.

They assume ‘if I just keep being positive’ – in the end that is what I will become. So wrong and irrational, but many are on this mindless pursuit and failing to do what is needed, to achieve inner peace.

I stay away from the positivity/happiness gurus – who claim this is the way we must all be. No matter what we are enduring. I really see how little insight they have into emotions and the necessity for them all. And also don’t realise how un-natural it is to be constantly positive, constantly happy. And I see people chasing this continually and struggling with the failure.

I am not positive all the time, because I am real and genuine and I have normal and needed emotions. And I don’t apologise for that.

I stay away from those who stroke their ego’s by being constantly busy and letting everyone else know about it. It’s totally okay not to be busy all the time and someone’s ‘busyness’ does not increase our worth or value. And in fact, have down time, relaxation time and do nothing. It’s healthy. But, to continually harp on about ‘so busy’, does tend to make people feel really self important (ego).

I also stay away from those who glorify ‘forgiveness’. Forgiveness, is a very challenging and emotional issue and for those who claim you ‘must forgive’ and if you don’t – there is something wrong with you, or imply you can’t heal without their description of forgiveness, is very shaming and harmful to many people’s healing journeys.

People who claim they have forgiven those who have wronged them, and therefore everyone else must/should, are offering really unhealthy advice and at the same time, are stroking their own ego to believe their journey and how it is proceeding is the only journey/only way’. It is absolutely okay, to feel some acts of horrendous suffering imposed on others, are unforgiveable. Yep – unforgiveable. And you can still heal and grow and lead a healthy life, without it. No shaming needed.

The term ‘Victim’ – has been turned into something ‘shameful’ – which is more abuse.

Society has done a really good job of turning the word ‘victim’ into something to be ‘shamed’ about.

Which is more abuse.

That’s what people targeted & conned by fakes, frauds, abusers, narcs, sociopaths, paedophiles, sex offenders and all types of abusers etc are…victims.

I have been a victim to many.

Now I am a survivor, but at the time I was being hurt/harmed/lied to – I was a victim. 

This is where a lack of empathy and lack of compassion, becomes very evident. Only people who lack these, choose to ‘shame’ victims/survivors of abuse. And this hurts and harms us more.

The word victim, is **nothing**

to be ashamed of.