Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


I must remember churches are full of wolves in sheeps clothing & stage 3 immaturity.

My levels of frustration about church people, is due to my understanding that many of them, are not in fact Christians, and many are very immature in the faith journey. And knowing the harm they cause, as a result.

And whilst I have awareness of where they are at…….. I am also aware, they choose not to see anything further, than stage 3 thinking and beliefs.

stages of faith

I’ve been identified, by my first Christian counsellor, as being at stage 5. Those at stage 3, will believe people such as myself, as being ‘backsliders’. Because they refuse to see anything more than what they want to believe.

This spiritual maturity, runs parallel to emotional growth and maturity. I see this with most people, who resent, resist and repel, anything and anyone, they do not personally understand.

And interestingly, many ministers and church leaders, keep the ‘flock’ at stage 3…. because it’s easier to control. They don’t encourage questioning….. they just want mindless sheep.

My frustration, is not so much that they are immature, but for the harm they cause to many, as a result. Which is not okay. People will immaturely state I am judgmental. Which I fully expect, from unwise, emotionally and spiritually immature people.

dogs bible

Plus the very obvious issue – of ‘wolves in sheeps clothing’ and the ‘dogs’ that are attracted to churches, because church people so often fail to deal with such people in an inappropriate manner.

wolves in sheep clothing

But, I will not keep quiet, to placate people, who as a result of their choices, harm others.

That would be placating evil. I don’t do that.

http://www.psychologycharts.com/james-fowler-stages-of-faith.html Continue reading


Regarding Mark Driscoll being forced to resign & immature opinions, I must remember the stages of faith.


My previous counsellor, explained to me how my lack of understanding why so many church people think the way they do and why I felt like I was in high school, was due to this.

She identified me as going into stage 5, where most church people will remain at stage 3, all their lives. It was huge moment of clarity to see this.

And she explained how those at stage 3, don’t know anything more, so will reject anything outside of their own understanding, their own needs and what suits them and their earthly desires. Their rejection is their ego, even if they don’t see that.

There are also many church leaders, who will actively want stage 3 churches, as it is easier for flock control and they don’t get questioned, challenged etc. Continue reading


Done with Christianity as an organised religion & done with Christian counselling.

So much has happened over the last 2 years related to so called ‘Christians’ that I know has profoundly affected my healing, caused me more abuse and trauma, and I know I need to just separate myself, from it all.

I have seen so many people who claim to be mature Christians, fail so badly and I find it quite bizarre that they all can’t see it.

I’ve seen lies, excuses, corruption, justifications, minimizing, spiritual abuse in the masses, child abuse and well so much more, but I’ve already blogged enough.

I think so many really are mind controlled, into this concept that it is needed to minimize abuse and protect abuse perpetrators. All with their wrong interpretations of grace, compassion etc.

All this has shown me, is how much these people hurt abuse survivors, abuse them further, spiritually abuse them and re-traumatise them and re-victimise them.

And worse, they truly don’t care. They all stick together.

They truly are the perfect examples of narcissist/sociopaths or their apaths. Continue reading


I am every immature church persons…..nightmare….especially for the men.

I realise that my challenging of so much I see within churches, is a freakin’ nightmare for many.

Especially all those who have been brought up in churches – where as children they are forced to have blind obedience and submission and of course ‘women must keep quiet’.

I do see, I am very problematic to all these deceived people, stuck at a very immature level of faith – at stage 3, where most will remain all their lives, very evidently leading to these mind controlled, sheep like people, who don’t challenge, don’t question, just accept, believe what they are told, like docile sheep.


I see the fact that I challenge the mind controlled issues many have, is very unusual to them – and they will not like this and I won’t create many friends.

But, you know, my faith, is the most important part of my life and I don’t intend to compromise that – to make friends with deluded, deceived church people.

I am way beyond that and just because they can’t understand that – is not my issue – it is theirs and it is their sin, to not challenge themselves and their thinking.

I know a ‘woman’ challenging men in conservative, right wing churches – is such a huge issue to them!!! Poor darlings, I know their ego’s get hurt by that and it threatens their need to be dominant and be ‘the man’. Continue reading

Soul ages/emotional development in adults and where people I know, fit.

This all fascinates me and answers so many questions as to the people I have known in my life. It validates so deeply what I have always known.

Soul ages from http://lonerwolf.com/soul-age/

1. Infant Souls

Primary Focus: Being alive.

Lessons To Learn: Basic life skills, survival, mortality, physicality.

Age Comparison: 0 – 4

Key Characteristics: Raw, untamed, playful, excitable, unsophisticated, tribal, cautious, childlike, group-reliant, hunter-gatherers.

Also known as Newborn Souls, these people are often perceived by others as being ignorant, childish and innocent to the complexities of life. Possessing a very simplistic understanding of life, and a genuinely guileless approach to the world, Newborn Souls find it hard to adapt to ‘civilized society’. Instead, they prefer familiar clans, tribes and groups of people in wild, untamed environments.

2. Baby Souls

Primary Focus: Belonging.
Lessons To Learn: Social structure, rules, roles, human relations.

Age Comparison: 4 – 13

Key Characteristics: Compliant, regimented, dutiful, role-defined, absolutist, proprietous, disciplined, traditional, strong values.

(This is where so many Church people are at and why I find them so immature)

Also known as Child Souls, these people seek to make meaning, order and stability out of the chaotic and uncertain nature of life. Perceived by other people as being clean, modest and rigid, Child Souls tend to be very conservative, religious and rule-bound. The Child Soul’s beliefs and senses of self are defined by their culture and traditional moral or religious system.

3. Young Souls

Primary Focus: Independence.

Lessons To Learn: Personal-advancement, free will, personal-achievement.

Age Comparison: 13 – 29

Key Characteristics: Ambitious, competitive, innovative, material gain, enterprise, freedom, individualism, self-centered, self expression.

(This is where most of the ‘success driven’ people in society are at and I see this is also immature and ego driven)

Also called Teenage Souls, these people often live by the maxim “my way or the highway”. The Teenage Soul, similar to an adolescent, seeks independence, social status and material gain. Essentially, these people are agents of change and are responsible for many of the greatest advancements in the world. Driven and externally focused, Teenage Souls tend to be “workaholics”.
Continue reading

Emotional maturity progression.

This all explains a lot to me, and I see how it ties in with the stages of faith too.

It further validates how I have continually felt like I am surrounded my immaturity.

Being an old soul and one with deep empathy, is not easy.

But, now I understand more of who I am and how most won’t understand who I am, and all my ‘quirks’ that are actually about my maturity and wisdom level of the old soul in me, I am starting to accept myself far more.

I am aware my faith understanding, is deep.

I see many church people’s attitudes and I see how far they are from what God wants for us.

I see rich church people, feeling entitled to be rich.

I see church people ‘doing their bit’ that eases their conscience.

I see Bible quotes used to hurt people.

I see cliques and inner circles.

I see them portraying God as a sociopath.

I see ministers putting themselves first.

I see fake Jesus’s being worshipped. Continue reading

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I have ‘woken up’ & all around I see people still asleep.

In fact, I was always half awake, due to all the abuse I endured. I had to see and know far more than any child should.

I’ve always seen so much and it has confused me, baffled me, disgusted me, astounded me – at how people can act the way they do – and actually think it is okay.

I tried to fit it, do as society did.

Now, I don’t.

So, I always was alone and always will be.

Awake, but alone.

Church people too often, are apathetic bystanders = abuse enablers.

Many Church people delude themselves with this ‘we all sin, we cannot judge’ crap, and cheap grace, that enables everyone to sin and just maybe say a quick pathetic ‘sorry’ and then apparently that means repentance and they won’t do it again. And it’s okay to abuse children with harsh physical abuse, and just ignore that.

Hey. it’s ONLY abuse, child abuse, spiritual abuse….what does that matter?

I even heard recently that it is okay if the wrong message is being spoken in churches, even if it is preaching God has evil in Him, as long as people are preaching Him. Wow. That is so not okay. So apparently the abusive, unhealthy church I was abused at, by a minister, is okay to continue preaching God is a sociopath and it’s okay to hurt people, physically abuse children, spiritually abuse anyone. Wow.

That deeply offends my understanding of God. That deeply offends my understanding of the harm to people this causes.

I currently have a survivor of church/religious abuse I talk with on Twitter. She/he has been hurt deeply by church people, being abusive, in childhood onwards. She/he is now an atheist. And I absolutely understand why. I am modelling to her/him, how I do NOT agree or justify what these abusive church people have done, including harsh physical discipline and how I know Jesus does not either. I don’t ‘tell’ her/him to believe in God, or make any assumptions as to what will happen if she/he doesn’t, because that is NOT my judgment to make, and I believe God has mercy and deep understanding for abused people who have been abused in His name.

All I can do, is to say, quite categorically – I do NOT think it is okay what has happened to this person, I do NOT condone it or justify it, like others will, and that I care, and I do not think any less of this person, in fact I have great compassion, patience and love for this person. And that, is all I need to do.

I don’t tell her/him to hate the people that abused her/him, and I also do not force the issue of forgiveness, because how would I know whether that is appropriate? I don’t. In fact I know it isn’t. That is another abuse far too many church people inflict on people. I don’t have this entitled need to force this on others. I just want to love them.

And this person has searched this blog and been tearful, but in a good way, to read my views on this. Particularly what I wrote about my understanding of ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’. Because I will NEVER accept that taking belts etc to children/teenagers is okay – it is not. It is abuse. Child abuse. As confirmed by my Christian doctor.

But, it does offend my soul when I see God spoken of bu church people, in terms of being a sociopath, or see people being hurt and harmed by unwise, immature church people. Particularly as they harm others, in the name of God, using perfect God, as the excuse.

It would appear that having integrity to what you know, having spiritual courage to say ‘this is not okay’ and having empathy with abuse victims, is considered wrong in society. Continue reading

Thought of another title for a book, ‘No, God is not a Narcissistic Sociopath’.

Within this, I could deal with all the reasons why so many church people and ministers, believe wrongly about God and basically believe things that state God has evil in Him and wants to hurt us, for His purposes.

Like the wrong reasons so many believe why Jesus came here.

Like how some wrongly believe God asks Satan to inflict his evil on certain people because Satan has to ask God’s permission first.

Like believing God ‘gives’ us pain and suffering to teach us.

Like how many believe God will throw people who do not live up to His expectations into a burning pit of fire, to burn for eternity.

All wrong.

All suggesting God has evil in Him.

All heresy.

All colluding with Satan, whether knowingly, or not.

All spiritual abuse, whether done knowingly, or not.

All likening God to a narcissistic sociopath. He is not.

He is pure, perfect love.