Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Managing my emotions better, in group situations.

I am a very empathic person. When I hear someone speak of something traumatic, or see people upset, I struggle not to get emotional. I feel their pain.

I’ve been running a ladies group for a few months. Today, the group was smaller, there were four of us. The smaller groups tend to be easier to talk within. They are very different and diverse ladies, different lives, experiences. I love hearing their stories and thinking.

Two ladies today, I had a feeling were going through something, and I knew one lady had been having a tough time. So, when she arrived, I gently said I was glad she was here and I had been thinking of her. I could tell she was very appreciative that I had remembered previous conversations and was asking her if she was okay.

Today, the conversation was heavier than normal. This lady I had been concerned for, shared her battle with depression and being suicidal.I could hear both the relief to have a group safe enough to share within, but also the pain in her voice and face, body language.

I didn’t want to get too emotional, because I wanted to remain controlled and be able to react appropriately.

Then another lady I had been concerned for, shared her husband committed suicide. Many years ago, but again I could feel the pain and grieving. I know and understand, grieving can go on a long time, and that’s okay.

It took everything I had, not to fill up with tears. I really struggled, but I managed it. I could feel them there, but managed to keep controlled.

I listened to both of these ladies, their experiences, their emotions, how terribly hard this was for both of them. I leaned in, nodded and validated how hard this all is. I had that ‘watching myself from outside of myself’ experience I can now have, to monitor how I am reacting and seeing how others may be experiencing my reactions, facial expressions, words, tone etc. I wanted to make sure, I was responding, in the most appropriate way I could.

I wanted these ladies to know, it is okay and safe to share. I was Continue reading


Yes, I sure will ban your arse…

I take my role of admin of my community peer support page seriously. I spent a year, trying to reason with rude, unreasonable, narcissistic, angry, nasty people… Then I listened to advice that said ‘why are you even bothering?’.

And it’s true. It’s not my job or responsibility, to fix every unhealthy person. I’ve taken waaaaaaaay too much of that, in the past.

And I do know, I now only endure, what I allow.

So, yes, if you are rude, nasty, inappropriate, unhealthy, mean, narcissistic, passive aggressive etc – then I will ban your arse off my page. I wont be rude to you, or get angry with you. But, I will not tolerate you.

No arguing. No reasoning. I do not have to explain myself. I’m not anyone’s counsellor, or life coach or emotional punch bag.

I’m not here for every unhealthy person, to attack, vomit their shit & darkness onto. And I do admin my page, for the health and well-being of every person there, as I see fit. I understand some may not appreciate, or like that, or agree with my choices, and that is okay….they can take themselves somewhere else, or maybe set up their own page.

I am person, who deserves respect and to be treated with dignity. And I will insist on that.


A needed post for my Facebook Community, about the differing needs of many..

Something I have noticed and I’ll explain, as best I can..

—When I post positive quotes and posts….some people find this hurtful, and invalidating – which I do understand. But they do help the people who need them.

—When I post about how hard this journey is and my own fears etc……some people claim I am too negative and claim I promote not healing. But they do help the people who are in that place and need validation.

But, I cannot help every individual, with every post. Not unless I keep the posts very surface level and vague. Which to me, is pointless.

Please know – all I can write about, is my deep honesty of how I feel, what I have experienced, what I research, what the experts say, what I have learned in counselling and what may be helpful and useful for community members.

Not all posts will help every community member – they just can’t – because we are all very individual, with different needs at any one time. And that is okay.

None of my posts – are ever meant with any intention other than to help someone – and they always do. But they can’t help everyone.

My posts are just from my heart and because I care.

I hope people can have understanding of how difficult it can be to be an admin (and a healing person too) of a group with such individual and differing needs.

I do try my very best, and I do care.

If a post isn’t what you need to hear, please know – that is not meant to hurt you at all – and please know you can take or leave what you feel is helpful.

Much love, Lilly ❤

This received all positive responses, which is good. People do need to remember, we are all different and have different needs and are at different points in our journey. And we all need to remember in a community, it isn’t just about our own needs. It is about 13,0000 + people. Continue reading


AA’s ‘Twelve Steps’ – originally founded by Christians. Interesting.

The twelve steps program has been changed and amended many times since it’s original foundation, to assist in a range of problems. I know it’s used by mental health group programs too.


Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), the first twelve-step fellowship, was founded on August 11, 1938 (although some speculate the date as being June 10, 1935 which is the date that Dr. Bob had his last drink) by Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith, known to AA members as “Bill W.” and “Dr. Bob”, in Akron, Ohio. They established the tradition within the “anonymous” twelve-step programs of using only first names “at the level of press, radio and film”.[5]

As AA was growing in the 1930s and 1940s, definite guiding principles began to emerge as the Twelve Traditions. A singleness of purpose emerged as Tradition Five: “Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.”[6] Consequently, drug addicts who do not suffer from the specifics of alcoholism involved in AA hoping for recovery technically are not welcome in “closed” meetings unless they have a desire to stop drinking alcohol.[7] The reason for such emphasis on alcoholism as the problem is to overcome denial and distraction. Thus the principles of AA have been used to form many numbers of other fellowships for those recovering from various pathologies, each of which in turn emphasizes recovery from the specific malady which brought the sufferer into the fellowship.[8]

In 1953 AA gave permission for Narcotics Anonymous to use its Steps and Traditions.[9]

Twelve Steps[edit]

These are the original twelve steps as published by Alcoholics Anonymous:[10]
1.We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2.Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5.Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Continue reading

“You have no idea how much counselling you provide here”.

This was a comment to my community page, where I always speak raw honesty of my journey, good, bad and ugly. I receive comments like this often. And comments stating that I know more than their counsellors and they print info of mine off to help their counsellors understand complex trauma and it’s affects more.

I don’t profess to be a counsellor, or to have professional counselling experience, or that I know all I need to know to be a counsellor and I remind my community members frequently of this. I also remind them, nothing I say, or post should be a substitute for real counselling.

I consider my community page – to be peer support. Not counselling.

I have no grandiose ideas about my capacity as support, no ego to say I know it all and no motivation other than to help validate and share what I am learning. In fact, the more I learn about myself and humanity – the more I know I need to learn, and tell people that too. And I am willing to learn, because I need to. Even if it really hurts, which sometimes, it does. The truth, can be painful, embarrassing, humiliating, devastating, but also powerful, empowering, healing. Continue reading


Support Groups? Maybe I will give them a try…


I’ve considered this before, but felt and was advised, I needed to get more of my counselling done first.

Now, I realise after 18 months of counselling, I have partly healed, but I still very much have PTSD and depression.

So, I am considering contacting a local support group, they are a national organisation, but have local meetings close to where I live.

I have noticed they have a 12 step program, to recovery. I hope I don’t have to say….

“Hi everyone, my name is….and I am a PTSD’aholic.” Continue reading