“You are a powerful voice for survivors” ~ NAMI Oregon

 

Date: o8/11/16

So thankful people feel less alone, due to my work ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Some feedback on my Facebook page today….

Your words are like a breath of fresh air, Lilly.

I no longer feel alone in my recovery, I have yearned all my life for someone/anyone to understand.

So, when I came across your fb page I finally realised

I’m not alone and others do understand.

THANK YOU.

I am glad to know my work helps others feel less alone. To feel understood and have someone explain and express the things complex trauma survivors feel, helps with the capacity to cope and to heal.

Awww, a congratulations poster :)

Awww, someone posted a congratulations poster to me, due to my success at becoming a published writer, having articles of mine, published in a best selling authors new book.

So very thoughtful to send me this ❤

My ladies group is going so well :D

A few months ago, I set up a ladies group, for ‘mature thinking’ ladies. We meet up for coffee and interesting chat.

It’s going so well. Such a diverse and interesting group of ladies.

The ladies give such great feedback and it is lovely to see friendships forming and conversations where people feel confident and safe to share some of their more personal details. And I make sure the reactions and responses, are appropriate. Whilst being tolerant of differences in opinions, which don’t create any harm.

Of the core group of ladies, which is about 12 of us, only one is an issue. I handle her by keeping vigilant and I can already tell, a few of the other ladies have cottoned on to her issues. So that’s been interesting to watch. I offer more appropriate responses, when I hear her unhealthy ego, being flexed. She makes every conversation about herself, so I always direct the conversation back to others.

Some new ladies came today, and I ensured they felt welcomed. They both wrote lovely responses, about how welcomed they felt and left great comments about how the group is hosted. One of the new ladies, has already confirmed she is coming to the next two group chats.

I feel a little more able to show my funny/kooky side and I like to create some giggles. I told them about getting my puppy next week, and how excited I am.

I’m still not offering much in the way of personal details – other than about my children, my hobbies, my puppy.

I can really see how my discernment, empathy, sensitivity to the needs of others, and capacity to respond appropriately to issues, is really

Tears, due to a dedication to me.

Shahida Arabi – an amazing best selling author, invited me to write articles for her new book about healing from narcissistic abuse. I felt shocked, honoured and blessed. Since I first connected with Shahida, we have become support and friends and we encourage each other, in this often challenging journey, of helping others.

Shahida, has kindly sent me the pre-release review copy of this book. I’ve only just started reading it, and have read her dedication to me.

I am feeling very emotional. I sometimes still think ‘is this really me’. My life feels surreal, often.

After decades of being abused, scorned, lied about, told I am worthless, not good enough for anything except being used and abused…… the last few years, have been surreal.

All the support from many mental health professionals, my own counsellor, many survivors of complex trauma and this belief and support in me, from Shahida, feels unreal sometimes.

But, it is real. This is the my life now. Gone are the days of being put down, being treated like a doormat, being used.

I still remember the Bible verse my first counsellor told me4 years ago….

“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” Matthew 7:6

Now, I stay away from ‘dogs’ and I am continually seeking healthy, genuine, kind people.

I am still getting my head around it all.

But, I am SO deeply

My editors encouragement, for my book = tears :)

I am in the process, of getting my book done and published, this year. I have an amazing author, who is also an editor, ghost writes etc. He has made it very clear, he really believes in my work and what I am trying to do. And I know, this feedback, is from a very genuine place.

I feel like this is an incredible blessing. This author, is a Christian too.

Whenever I encounter genuine people, it makes me cry. Good tears.

When people believe in you, after so much abuse and people putting you down, it feels strange, but so good – to hear genuine views being given.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Managing my emotions better, in group situations.

I am a very empathic person. When I hear someone speak of something traumatic, or see people upset, I struggle not to get emotional. I feel their pain.

I’ve been running a ladies group for a few months. Today, the group was smaller, there were four of us. The smaller groups tend to be easier to talk within. They are very different and diverse ladies, different lives, experiences. I love hearing their stories and thinking.

Two ladies today, I had a feeling were going through something, and I knew one lady had been having a tough time. So, when she arrived, I gently said I was glad she was here and I had been thinking of her. I could tell she was very appreciative that I had remembered previous conversations and was asking her if she was okay.

Today, the conversation was heavier than normal. This lady I had been concerned for, shared her battle with depression and being suicidal.I could hear both the relief to have a group safe enough to share within, but also the pain in her voice and face, body language.

I didn’t want to get too emotional, because I wanted to remain controlled and be able to react appropriately.

Then another lady I had been concerned for, shared her husband committed suicide. Many years ago, but again I could feel the pain and grieving. I know and understand, grieving can go on a long time, and that’s okay.

It took everything I had, not to fill up with tears. I really struggled, but I managed it. I could feel them there, but managed to keep controlled.

I listened to both of these ladies, their experiences, their emotions, how terribly hard this was for both of them. I leaned in, nodded and validated how hard this all is. I had that ‘watching myself from outside of myself’ experience I can now have, to monitor how I am reacting and seeing how others may be experiencing my reactions, facial expressions, words, tone etc. I wanted to make sure, I was responding, in the most appropriate way I could.

I wanted these ladies to know, it is okay and safe to share. I was

‘A special thank you’ dedication…. tears.

Shahida Arabi, is wonderful, intelligent, genuine survivor, who I am blessed to have connected with. Her first book, was notably important and I appreciated it greatly. I knew it would help many and so I added it to my book recommendation list on my Website and via my social media. That was over a year ago.

Since then, Shahida and I have been in regular contact and she invited me to write some posts to add to her new book. I was shocked, and so thankful! I sent some posts and Shahida confirmed they would be included in her new book. I have advertised, recommended this book, as I know this will help many more people.

We have discussed many matters regarding being advocates for abuse survivors and the ups and down of this journey, in trying to help others in a meaningful way. We have supported each other about issues that arise, caused by other people, and we can write to each about this, knowing we both have similar thinking and empathy. And this support, has been wonderful to both offer and receive.

“Seriously! Where has this woman been all my life”

Had some meaningful & amazing feedback about my work and my thoughts.

“Seriously! Where has this woman been all my life

“Refreshing to see validity of your own theologies”

“Thank YOU.

You are like a freshly squeezed glass of lemonade

on a hot summer day.

Many of us feel lonely in our examinations”

Responses like this, make me tearful. I know how vital empathy is. I know how desperately many of need and search for the right words, the right understanding. The deeper understanding of the depths and levels of issues created by complex trauma.

To know I am that voice, that empathy, that understanding for others, who have suffered so greatly, is an amazing place to be.

It is a place I don’t take for granted. It is a place I am so thankful for.