I was never ‘allowed’ to be angry, or have any appropriate responses to the vile, painful, disgusting abuse I endured.
I’m still told I am not ‘allowed’ – by society, by church people.
So, I internalize it, into self hate, self shame, depression and suicidal thoughts.
I’ve been told by church people – anger means you are a ‘child of the devil’. Speaking the truth means ‘you are demonic’.
I’ve been told I must not label, or speak badly of my abusers, as that destroys ‘them,’ and that makes ‘me’ bad and instead I should just have compassion and forgiveness, because my feelings, emotions, processing trauma and grieving, don’t matter.
I have endured decades of abuse, and according to others, I am meant to deal with this quickly, for the sake of others, for ‘their’ needs, to make life comfortable and more pleasant, for ‘them’.
Abuse is far more ‘palatable’ –
If the victims would just ‘get over it’ quicker. Continue reading