Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


2 Comments

Validation of my intelligence is good …. but it doesn’t reduce the pain, or the aloneness.

The last couple of counselling sessions, have resulted in a lot of validation. It was stated I am far more able to clearly see my trauma history and understand toxic/unhealthy people and their motivations and issues, than at any point in my life. I am far more able to speak up about all I know, understand and express the depth of that understanding.

This has all been validated. Along with being told that I am a very intelligent woman, with a capacity to think things deeply and rationally. To a much deeper level than average. And what people cannot understand – they will reject. So rejection features a lot in my life. It’s always the default for people who don’t understand something, to reject it. Few people ‘get me’. That’s the reality I am enduring.

Also validated, was my understanding of victim shaming, victim blaming, shame shifting in all it’s many forms. Plus, why it happens, the motivations for it, and why it is so wrong. I understand people’s motivations are very often not at all what they delude themselves they are. Rarely do egocentric, selfish, narcissistic, unhealthy, irrational, character disturbed, or delusional people – ever admit their true motivations and issues. They reside within lives of delusions, fantasies, lies and irrational thinking. I understand that very clearly. And how much this occurs throughout humanity.

And I can now verbally express all this, far more easily and with considerable clarity. Which is about my healing/growth.

This includes the depth of my understanding of all the harmful people who have abused me throughout my life.  Including my husband. Who it was confirmed, is highly narcissistic, with sociopathic traits. And it was validated he comes from a highly dysfunctional, narcissistic family. It was helpful to have this validation. And that I was duped, manipulated and exploited. I was not in fact looking for an unhealthy or co-dependent relationship. I fell in love with a man who did not exist. I fell in love with a fantasy my husband (and his parents) believe about himself. Who lied from day one. And he continued on with his selfish, manipulative, deceitful and toxic ways, for 16 years. Stealing from me the right I had to find someone genuinely good/ healthy/ decent/ trustworthy, who would be a good husband and good father. Plus, the validation of how I know this man never loved me, never cared about me, and is in fact incapable of love, due to the depths of his fantasy/delusion about himself. And I’m glad my counsellor has done counselling with him, as that is further validation, based on her own therapy with him.

But, all this validation, does not take away my reality, that I am different to most people. Feeling different, is something I have always felt, and continue to feel. And it makes me feel so terribly alone. And that was validated as a very real situation I am in. It is not a ‘complex trauma irrational issue’. It is a very real issue, with very valid reasons why, which are not about anything wrong with me. But in fact, are due to deeper intelligence skills.

always an unusual

The validation of all this, is good. It helps in knowing I am correct in my thinking. But, it doesn’t take the aloneness away. Just because I understand why I am so different to most people, doesn’t make me feel less alone. Or make it less painful. In fact, it makes it worse. Continue reading


Leave a comment

My Facebook Page Now Has Over 50,000 Members/Followers/Likers ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

facebook-logo

 

My Facebook community page has now over 50,000 likers/followers/community members.

Considering Complex PTSD is not widely known about, and many mental health professionals are not fully educated in Complex Trauma, or Complex PTSD….. I am thankful to be able to reach so many.

Complex PTSD is very different to PTSD. In terms of the trauma causing them and the symptoms endured. And many Complex Trauma survivors, have both.

Complex PTSD is considered by experts, to be far more life impacting and far harder to treat, heal, and understand. Continue reading


4 Comments

Surviving the war of severe abuse & then the war of PTSD ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Having severe PTSD & Complex PTSD, feels like a continual war, with your own mind.
lanadelrey-native-american-hat-001
You live through a war – where danger is all around. Terrible things happen. It takes everything you’ve got to survive.
Then you are forced to live a war coping with heinous memories of severe abuse and horror – no-one should ever experience.
You re-live and re-experience it all, as flashbacks and nightmares.
And it sometimes feels too painful to bear.
It’s a continual battle.
A continual war.
A war you can never forget.
Because the PTSD brain won’t let you forget.

Continue reading


2 Comments

Started trying daily yoga. Watching ‘Healing Yoga’ – with Deborah Devine.

healingyoga_deborah2_600

Healing Yoga: Yoga for Real People with Real Problems

I am aware of the benefits of yoga, for trauma/abuse survivors, and for people with PTSD, Complex PTSD. Many trauma experts encourage yoga as a way for trauma survivors to connect with their bodies – as our bodies hold trauma and are physiologically affected by all types of trauma.

http://www.traumacenter.org/research/yoga_study.php

I sporadically do yoga at home. I can’t afford to attend yoga classes, so doing it at home is what I have available to me. Motivation, is my issue and why I don’t do it regularly enough.

I found Healing Yoga with Deborah Devine on Foxtel watch anytime downloads, so I’ve decided to give it a go every day. I feel motivated by being able to follow these guided classes.

I ignore any spiritual/religious aspects of yoga, and simply focus on the health, wellbeing and healing purposes. Continue reading


3 Comments

Turning hypervigilance into discernment, is healing ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Hypervigilance, is fear based. It is based upon the fear that people are not what they seem, and will hurt you, or be harmful in some way. The traumatised brain goes into panic when it senses someone may pose a threat to our wellbeing.

Hypervigilance, is very understandable, when someone has experienced ongoing abuse, where they believed their life or safety to be at imminent risk. It is a skill that was required to stay safe.

Part of healing complex trauma, is to turn the hypervigilance of the fear of people and the need to work them out for any sign of potential harm….. into careful and steady discernment. Discernment is healthy and a deeper skill than many people do not normally have.

Discernment allows us to calmly work out people’s motivations and behaviours…. without the fear of hypervigilance, that makes us shut down, withdraw or isolate.

dsc_2251-005

Discernment allows us to accurately read people and then in a calm manner – decide on the actions we may need to take, and the boundaries we may need as a result.

I am adding to this blog, following a question about how we actually develop discernment. This was my response….

Discernment starts by having self control and impulse control. When we sense something is potentially wrong, we have to stop, sit back, not act and think about it. It requires not having fear based processing/reactions. We also learn to consider people’s words, actions, patterns. If words and actions conflict. Watch how people treat others. Do they treat others well? Also understanding selfish and unselfish behaviours. The motivation behind people’s behaviours. It is a skill set that takes the capacity to really understand human behaviour.

Continue reading


Leave a comment

Discrimination is wrong & causes trauma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

sad-woman-8-001

I really hate discrimination shown and hate projected at the LGBTIQ community and people of colour. It has never made sense to me, how someone being e.g. gay or transgender and/or e.g. black -makes them ‘bad people’. It is totally irrational. Yet there is much hate shown. And it causes a lot of trauma – which is not okay.

Being gay or transgender, or black etc, does not mean someone is a bad person.

My abusers (and there are multiple) – were all white, heterosexual, educated people – who would not have received any discrimination. Yet they were highly abusive, toxic people.

This taught me much about what makes a person bad…. and what doesn’t.

And interestingly, each abuser shows discrimination in some form to others. My step father was racist. The psychopath was racist and hated gay people. The church minister shows hate to the LGBTIQ community – under the guise of ‘religious beliefs’ aka twisting the Bible to show hatred. All this shows to me is their toxic personality disordered issues common in sociopaths, narcissists and psychopaths, that is linked to racism, discrimination and abusive behaviours. Continue reading