Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Turning hypervigilance into discernment, is healing ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Hypervigilance, is fear based. It is based upon the fear that people are not what they seem, and will hurt you, or be harmful in some way. The traumatised brain goes into panic when it senses someone may pose a threat to our wellbeing.

Hypervigilance, is very understandable, when someone has experienced ongoing abuse, where they believed their life or safety to be at imminent risk. It is a skill that was required to stay safe.

Part of healing complex trauma, is to turn the hypervigilance of the fear of people and the need to work them out for any sign of potential harm….. into careful and steady discernment. Discernment is healthy and a deeper skill than many people do not normally have.

Discernment allows us to calmly work out people’s motivations and behaviours…. without the fear of hypervigilance, that makes us shut down, withdraw or isolate.

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Discernment allows us to accurately read people and then in a calm manner – decide on the actions we may need to take, and the boundaries we may need as a result.

I am adding to this blog, following a question about how we actually develop discernment. This was my response….

Discernment starts by having self control and impulse control. When we sense something is potentially wrong, we have to stop, sit back, not act and think about it. It requires not having fear based processing/reactions. We also learn to consider people’s words, actions, patterns. If words and actions conflict. Watch how people treat others. Do they treat others well? Also understanding selfish and unselfish behaviours. The motivation behind people’s behaviours. It is a skill set that takes the capacity to really understand human behaviour.

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Discrimination is wrong & causes trauma ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I really hate discrimination shown and hate projected at the LGBTIQ community and people of colour. It has never made sense to me, how someone being e.g. gay or transgender and/or e.g. black -makes them ‘bad people’. It is totally irrational. Yet there is much hate shown. And it causes a lot of trauma – which is not okay.

Being gay or transgender, or black etc, does not mean someone is a bad person.

My abusers (and there are multiple) – were all white, heterosexual, educated people – who would not have received any discrimination. Yet they were highly abusive, toxic people.

This taught me much about what makes a person bad…. and what doesn’t.

And interestingly, each abuser shows discrimination in some form to others. My step father was racist. The psychopath was racist and hated gay people. The church minister shows hate to the LGBTIQ community – under the guise of ‘religious beliefs’ aka twisting the Bible to show hatred. All this shows to me is their toxic personality disordered issues common in sociopaths, narcissists and psychopaths, that is linked to racism, discrimination and abusive behaviours. Continue reading


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Creativity, is healing for the traumatised brain ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I have various creative interests and I have recently re-ignited my love of scrapbooking and framed layouts. Creativity, is known to be excellent for the traumatised brain. And many child abuse survivors, find outlets in creativity, which also helps inner child healing.

I mostly concentrate on layouts of my two sons, which I don’t publicly show. But, this is one I did last week, of my puppy 🙂 This was the day we picked her up & she was a little bundle of cuteness, sat on my lap, shaking like a leaf. She is a much loved member of our family and we adore her. Having boys, means more masculine layouts, but now having a female puppy – means doing girlie ones 🙂

Creativity, gardening, sewing, are all in my healing toolbox. An enjoyable way to be mindful, be grounded and creating lovely things. Continue reading


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This Blog – reviewed by a doctor of psychology, as one of Top 6 Trauma Blogs! :)

Received an email from a psychologist (doctorate) – stating this blog has been reviewed and is listed as one of Top 6 Trauma Blogs!

See @ https://openforest.net/6-great-traumaptsd-blogs/

Feel very honoured and so thankful for this feedback and the support and encouragement from professionals, as to my work being meaningful and helpful.

 

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I have also been asked to consider reviewing their website, which I am in the process of doing.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.

All rights reserved.

No part of any entry/blog, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, screenshots, copying & pasting, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods.

This includes adaptations in all forms of media.


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I now take weekends off the internet, to address better self care ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Self care, boundaries and balance, are always an ongoing part of my journey. When you are not taught or modelled healthy boundaries, healthy balance and self care in your formative years, you often struggle with them in adulthood.

It takes insight and self honesty and the willingness to take advice, to improve these.

I have compulsive behaviours, which I have self compassion about (now). I also have issues with feeling overly responsible for helping others…. due to parentification abuse as a child/teenager. I was made to have adult responsibilities, by my unhealthy and selfish mother.

I have the self insight to know I have issues, and that I need to manage them. And I have the insight to know – these don’t change overnight.

You cannot change 4 decades worth of

belief systems and behaviours, overnight.

It takes a lot of time, perseverance and

willingness to want to change.

It’s a journey and a process, that

requires continual honest self reflection.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

 I have discussed this recently, in counselling. This issue was raised and my counsellor, who is also a doctor – stated she too needed to address balance when she first started her GP practice. She worked too many hours and needed to cut back, to have healthier balance.

I listened, and I could see where I am spending too much time on social media and the internet. Although I have cut down from the amount time spent online, from previous years, I still need more balance for a healthier life.

It was suggested I take weekends off and I agreed. If I view my work online as a job, I would have weekends off. So now I do. Continue reading


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A conversation that shows how people defend perpetrators and ignore the victim ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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I have a ladies group I organise and attend and a very interesting conversation recently occurred. The conversation was about the increase in armed robberies, in fast food places, within our area.

As it was being discussed, I noticed not one person commented on the trauma of having a  gun or a knife etc, in your face. And how most of the fast food staff are young, and how this would feel.

Not one.

But, several spoke of the ‘reasons’ aka ‘excuses’ for the armed robbery. One woman stated it was probably motivated by drugs and how awful it must be to be a drug addict. One said you must be a very desperate person to need to do that.

But no mention of the victims…

When ‘I’ mentioned the trauma this armed robbery would cause the victims, no-one bothered to consider that and it was immediately dismissed. It was dismissed in particular by one woman who really believed she was ‘so compassionate’ and ‘non judgmental’ to be thinking of the perpetrator, yet she showed NO compassion to those victimised.

It really re-iterated how screwed up people’s thinking is.

And how people often will jump straight to the perpetrators defence, but show no empathy for the person traumatised by this intentional act of crime and harm.

This is not about compassion….. this is about what people need to do, to make life seem better than it is, and so they can believe heinous people and the heinous harm they do to others, seem not so bad. Or make themselves ‘feel good’ about being nice to perpetrators. All self serving and deluding themselves as to the real motivations for their thinking.

If anyone has REAL empathy and compassion – they would put themselves in the shoes of the victim, and see the horror and trauma the victim has been subjected to. But, they don’t want to think about that…. because that is about dealing with reality and the truth about the deep harm people choose to inflict on others. So easier ignored.

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