Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


You listening abusers, society, religious people? It is NEVER the victims fault.

vic

This applies to EVERY type of abuse – emotional, mental, verbal, psychological, sexual, physical, spiritual, religious, bullying etc.

No matter what you have been told by the abusers, or their supporters/apaths.

No matter what family or friends have said.

No matter what BS ‘victim blaming’, ‘victim shaming’ society vomits.

No matter what any abusive religious people say.

No matter what you did, what you didn’t do, what you wore, what you drank, what…………anything.

It is N E V E R the victims fault.


5 Comments

Those suppressing/avoiding their own trauma, should not be preaching this is needed for all.

insight

I understand fully why people suppress their trauma. I did this for 20 years. It was too unsafe, I was too alone to deal with it.

So I did what society tells people to do – got over it, moved on, never looked back. Or at least tried my absolute best. Even my own husband did not know the details of my trauma for 10 years. Proof that I did not talk about it. I lived a highly functioning, capable life. I was suppressing all my trauma.

This for me, was the worst thing to do, but it was all I was capable of at that time, and that’s okay.

I realise for many, this is what they will do all their lives. And that’s okay too. Some can’t delve into their own trauma, their own minds and souls. And for some – to do that would kill them. It has nearly killed me, doing this.

So, I have complete compassion for anyone else doing this. It does feel a far safer place to be – suppressing and avoiding it all. Focussing on the good. Finding the positives, counting your blessings and just striving for as good a life as is possible.

I really do 100% understand this and if that is what someone needs to do all their life, I understand and I will not judge.

What I don’t like – is when people doing this – telling everyone else this is what they ‘should’ be doing. Judging others.

And I definitely don’t like it when some of these people then accuse others of ‘dwelling in their trauma’. or ‘acting the victim’, or suggesting the time span of this person being in a painful processing/grieving stage – is too long.

Some people suggest trauma survivors are ‘choosing’ to dwell. Continue reading


Church people’s ‘faith’ sure can become a big fat idol, for evil.

A lot of church people are just as screwed up as secular society, if not more so.

They hang on to certain views and certain Bible verses and they use that to avoid wisdom, to avoid responsibility, to stay apathetic and basically use it as an idol for all the wrong reasons.

Cardinal Pell – someone I have identified easily as having the dark triad traits – along with his matey Sir Tony Abbott – caught out lying – again http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-08-11/church-report-found-priest-guilty-of-sex-abuse-no-charges-laid/5662984

Now some Christians will just automatically revert to – ‘we must not assume that is correct, we must not listen to gossip’ etc….perfect excuse to not believe that evil is occurring. No thought or empathy for the victims. Perpetrator protecting, at it’s best – only with church people’s crap as the excuse.

And this kind of evil, is not just a Catholic Church issue – I have been shown that very clearly, over the last few years.

Do any of these church people even try to imagine what it is like to be abused and not be believed and treated like shit – abused more? Evidently not. Empathy – not common. Yeah sure there are counsellors willing to listen to the abuse – all re-active stuff after the abuse has occurred, blab on about compassion for abusers and even then victims get doubted, but who is actually trying to stop the abuse?

It sure isn’t people like Cardinal Pell. And he’s been promoted. Oh how that is something that so familiar with me – an abuser – who gets away with it – the victim treated like shit – lies corruption, cover ups – no-one steps up – and the abuser is promoted.

Commonly occurs, it would seem. For the victims, this disgusting evil behaviour, is more abuse. And so few care. Such good ‘Christians’, aren’t they?

Talk about mind controlled, abuse encouraging, victim blaming, victim re-traumatising, evil occurring. But, apparently I am wrong to think this. It’s my ‘issues’ to care about the victims and point out this evil. Yeah sure ‘I’ am the one with the issues… Continue reading


2 Comments

Maybe everyone else was right after all….

Maybe, I should just minimize all I have been through, because that’s best for others.

Maybe, I shouldn’t place the blame for abuse with abusers, and just accept I deserved it. Law of attraction and all that. I must have intentionally looked for it and attracted it into my life.

Maybe, I should just accept I was ‘asking for it’ because I wore the wrong clothes, or I didn’t say no enough times, or I gave off this vibe that said – yes don’t have great boundaries, so you may come and do as you like to me, even as a child.

Maybe, I enticed all these men to sexually abuse me, because I am a bad, vile, girl. It wasn’t their fault really, it was mine.

Maybe, I should believe that God sent Satan to pick on me deliberately, because He needed me to suffer to teach me something. And He doesn’t love me enough to let me have a nice life – so He decided I need to suffer.

Maybe, I am not healed of my PTSD, because I am bad, God is angry with me and He only heals those who He prefers.

Maybe, I haven’t met God’s ego – that others believe he must have, because they say I haven’t prayed enough or forgiven enough, to meet His high standards, so I will suffer until I ever do.

Maybe, I do have evil demons in me – and not PTSD, and I am influenced by dark forces within and I need an exorcism.

Maybe, in fact karma really does exist and I was a witch in a previous life and now I am getting all I deserve and people should not interfere – they are stopping me getting rid of my bad karma – by the suffering I need to do.

Maybe, I should just stop thinking of people who harmed me as abusers, narcs etc – which I am apparently ‘bad’ for doing and just think of them as lovely human beings who just need compassion and love. Continue reading


14 Comments

Decades of abuse & it being ‘all about the abusers’. It’s still ‘all about them’.

sad distance-002

Sad lady

Further to a blog I wrote earlier, the invalidation abuse prolonged sufferers receive from others, is very damaging.

So, here’s a bit more of why.

I’ve had prolonged abuse, from birth, abused by parents who deliberately and intentionally turned me into a child sexual abuse victim, and I have been groomed, repeatedly and forced into abuse, including considerable sexual abuse, as a child and as an adult.

During this, everything was about the abusers. All of them. What they wanted, what they decided to do, how they wanted to hurt me, about their dark needs etc…And all the while, I wasn’t allowed to protest, to say no, to complain, to voice my emotions. There was never any consideration about me, how I felt, the pain I endured.

Because of all this severe abuse, severe suffering, severe pain, once I was 20, and moved away from family, away from all those abusers, I just suppressed it all. I had no-one to share all that with, no-one I could talk to, no-one to help me.

So, I did what society says abuse survivors should do, and ‘moved on’, ‘tried not to think about it, ‘didn’t act the victim’ and I worked, provided for myself and looked after myself. I had PTSD, I’ve had it since being a child, but again, I just ignored it as best I could. Which was the worst way to deal with it.

20 years of all this suppression, and at 40, I had a breakdown, because the brain cannot suppress that much trauma indefinitely. Then I had no option, but to have to start to deal with it. 3 years later, I am still processing, still trying to heal.

Some of the people, who I have told about my past, have been so deeply invalidating of my emotions, that it so painful. I’ve had so many invalidating comments that I would be here all day listing them.

One example and this is a common church attitude….right in the beginning of my breakdown, I had a pastors wife almost dismiss it all and say ‘well your mother was probably abused too’. And this was said in a way that of course being a ‘church person’, that this should be my focus….to focus on my mothers issues….to focus on how hurt she is….to focus on forgiveness….and not be angry at her. And that because she ‘may’ have been abused, that was the reason, the excuse, the justification for the abuse to me.
Continue reading


19 Comments

Invalidation, enforcing feeling ‘sorry for the abuser’ – leads to more shame, more trauma.

I see this all the time, in the media, on social media, within society, within Church people, even in my own Christian counselling.

This happens all the time, everywhere.

People/society/Christianity – all programmed to ‘not think the worst’ about an abuser, ‘look for the good’, assume the victim is lying/exaggerating and minimize what you haven’t personally endured.

I’ve been ‘invalidated’ (not intentionally) in counselling, because it is Christian based, and they can be the worst for avoiding the worst possible reality about someone’ bad’.

When the victim, is being very honest, as most are, all this does is completely invalidate what that victim has endured and re-traumatises that victim over and over.

How is a victim of severe abuse, prolonged abuse meant to process everything deeply and fully, when the focus is to be concerned about how the ‘abuser’ feels, and by others assuming the abuser ‘didn’t know they were causing so much harm, didn’t mean it’ etc ???

I’ve had my ‘needed’ and ‘deserved’ emotions of anger towards the horrific abuse I have endured – completely invalidated by comments like ‘oh they were probably abused too’ and ‘the abusers are in such pain too’.

I have an ongoing huge difference of opinion with my doctor, who I do respect – who makes it very clear she does not believe in ‘labelling’ as this is ‘not okay for the abuser’. ‘Abuser’ – that’s a label I am apparently not meant to say. ‘Narcissist’ is another one, when in fact someone highly narcissistic, will act in every way out of a place of selfishness and ego – so every action, every thought, will be narcissistic. And abusers, rarely stop, and often abuse again, until they are stopped. So – that is what they are. People who are abusers. People who are narcissists. People who are sociopaths. People who are paedophiles.

The reason given to me for this shame inducing ‘we must not label’, which bothered me greatly at the time it was said, and still does, was ‘these labels can destroy people’. I’ve also had it said to me that these abusers are ‘in so much pain themselves to do what they do’.

Wow!

Did these ‘people’ care that they were destroying their victims lives? Of course not, in 99% of cases. None of my abusers cared – because they have no empathy, no remorse, no conscience. And they had a choice. Continue reading


Society must stop enabling/excusing abusers, based on mental health.

Abuse is increasing, in all forms.

A huge % of abuse is based on these disorders and other mental health disorders.

Mental health disorders are increasing.

Society must stop allowing mental health to be used as an excuse for abusers, to abuse.

Society needs educating about personality disorders, what the signs are, and must recognise these disorders more and in particular how they mostly cannot be treated successfully.

Society MUST reduce abuse and not allow it to continue increasing.


5 Comments

Covert victim blaming ‘You were given this life, because you are strong enough to endure it’.

I hate this kind of ongoing covert victim blaming.

Society loves it and perpetuates it continually. It is BS and further abuse.

I wrote these two posts about this on my page…

I really dislike the quote ‘you were given this life because you are strong enough to live it’.

Such BS.

This is a form of victim blaming. You are ‘strong enough’ therefore you got it all.

I was given my life – by abusers- and all the abuse in it, ‘regardless’ of whether I am strong enough to live it, or not.

Many people have lives that are too painful to endure. Many end their lives or feel suicidal, that does not mean they are not strong enough.

I wish all these covert forms of victim blaming, did not exist and were not encouraged by society.

Particularly abuse survivors themselves.

And then followed it up with..

Further to my last post about the ‘victim blaming quote’ – ‘You were given this life because you are strong enough to endure it’…

I will also add…..

I do believe ‘some’ can become stronger for it, but that does not in any way mean that is why we had to endure it.

For some, it destroys them completely.

We weren’t ‘given’ it because we are strong enough, at all.

Our abusers didn’t think to themselves ‘I’m only going to hurt her/him, because she/he is strong enough to endure it’. They didn’t care at all, if we were strong enough to endure it. In fact, some abusers wanted the abuse to destroy us.

I don’t like any forms of victim blaming and I won’t tolerate them.

Society is very unhealthy in many of it’s views about abuse and I stand up against them all.

I also dislike and will not tolerate other victim blaming such as;

– Suggesting God ‘gives’ you abuse to in some way teach you something – BS. God is pure perfect love and wants no-one to suffer. But, due to free will, people make choices for others to suffer, and God will use those situations, for His needs, with our best interests always at heart.

– Karma, Laws of Attraction, Buddhism – all forms of victim blaming to suggest you deserve it, need it, encouraged it. BS, all of it.

The blame for abuse is always and only the abusers – they made the choices to abuse. End of.

They also could have chosen, not to abuse. But they didn’t.

There needs to be people willing to speak the truth.