Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


6 Comments

So glad to see Jeff Brown understands Eckhart Tolle is harmful, not helpful.

I often feel like an alien on this planet. I see and understand things most people don’t.

I am always so glad to read Jeff Brown’s posts and comments.

Today I saw this comment from Jeff, in response to someone on his page commenting about Eckhart Tolle.

fullscreen-capture-24122016-80920-pm

Thank God for people like Jeff Brown. Thank God he also has the discernment to know fake and false ‘teachers’.

Jeff makes me feel like I am not an alien. I am not totally alone. There are souls out there, who see and understand human emotions and human behaviour – on a much deeper level. As I do. Continue reading


Leave a comment

Those that focus on the importance of forgiving your aggressor while you are still hurting are aggressors, too ~ Jeff Brown

“Make no mistake.

Those that focus on the importance of forgiving your aggressor while you are still hurting are aggressors, too.

They too are channeling their unresolved material in your direction. They too are denying your value and trivializing your suffering.

Many who preach forgiveness are merely bypassing their own unprocessed victimhood.

Trauma survivors in denial, they need you to artificially forgive, so that they can turn off the tap of their own remembrance.

If they can jump you to premature-forgiveness, they no longer have to see the reflection of their own unprocessed pain in you.

It’s the most dangerous game of all- to invite forgiveness of other, before a victim has been truly seen in their woundedness, before (s)he has truly moved through an organic process.

If you have been wounded, you have been wounded. It’s that simple. And you won’t heal it, and the world won’t evolve beyond its hurtful ways, if we sweep that truth under a bushel of forgiveness.

The heal is for real.”
~ JEFF BROWN


5 Comments

I realised, I needed to be much tougher. And that’s not a bad thing ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

All my life, I have tolerated unhealthy and abusive issues from others and never stood up for myself. Abuse was my ‘normal’ – from as far back as I ever remember.

I’m aware my childhood created the very vigilant, very intuitive person I am – who was also a doormat to anyone else’s toxic issues. I was groomed to tolerated it.

It always went really badly – when I tried to stand up for myself. Because when toxic people see their victims are going to resist/object to what they are doing – they turn up the heat on their toxic behaviours. Which is done intentionally – to stop the victim from resisting or objecting.

This pattern of not objecting or resisting continued on, all my life. Until about a year ago, when I started to realise I had every right to tell people to take a hike and they were not welcome in my life – in any form.

I had to fight with my self over this – to not feel like I was doing the wrong thing. It ‘felt’ wrong – to have boundaries with toxic people. It wasn’t my normal and I always had considerable anxiety at having boundaries, and standing up for myself – because of the history of being treated worse – when I tried.

Now, after more recent issues occurring in my life……. I really am at a stage where I am O.V.E.R. dealing with other people’s issues and I do not in any way now – feel responsible for helping them, or dealing with their issues.

I have healed enough and developed enough self esteem – to insist people behave in a way that meets my requirements for behaviour/attitude, or they will not be in my life.

I am tougher now. And I am glad to feel that anxiety about this – having gone.

I have standards and people have to meet them, or they are out.

This doesn’t mean I hate them, or want anything bad to happen to them. It doesn’t mean I don’t want the best for them – I do. So, no wrong judgments and assumptions needed – about how I feel about toxic people.

But, I simply do not have any desire to have toxic people in my life, in any way. And wherever possible, they will be removed from my life.

I have realised I need to protect my empathic self, from those who do not deserve it. And people do need to earn my respect and my empathy. People don’t get to demand or expect that from me anymore.

I feel stronger and tougher, than I have ever been in my life.

And I see how badly I was previously treated – by not having this strength of emotional boundaries, self esteem and toughness.

This doesn’t mean I no longer have empathy – but I am very selective as to whom I give that to.

It doesn’t make me compassionate – to be a doormat to other people’s toxicity. That made me vulnerable and easily preyed upon.

dsc_2707-014

Toxic people don’t play fair, and they look for vulnerable people. Continue reading


Leave a comment

Opinions are like assholes…. but they can still hurt ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

dsc_2707-005

Discernment, wisdom, rational thinking, empathy…. are all required to have a decent opinion. Especially about issues related to complex trauma.

There are some people who ‘get it’. And many who do not. Yet, they will voice their opinions anyway.

I have learned to ignore them. Mostly. But, when they come from people who are significant in my life, they hurt. And that’s okay – because the person mattered. And when people matter, anything harmful they do, does hurt. That’s normal.

I can also now choose to accept their issues are actually theirs. I know that now.

Continue reading


Leave a comment

“You are a hero with a hero’s heart, to choose to survive and deal and still be a good hearted person”

I shared my blog about the most painful, yet most courageous, most brave thing I have ever done, was to accept the truth about my mother being complicit in all the abuse I endured including the child sexual abuse. And how this takes far more courage, than making excuses, which was far easier.

This was some lovely feedback I received….

“Absolutely! And you are a hero with a hero’s heart, to choose to survive and deal and still be a good hearted person.

Disillusionment is the most difficult emotion to face and get through, and so many choose not to, because it IS so incredibly painful to face and deal with all that it brings.

Enlightenment, waking up, wisdom, growth, is a very painful process because it’s facing our illusions and seeing the truth, it’s disillusioning, and it’s not an easy path. It’s a hero’s path.

Well done Lilly ❤ “

It is such lovely feedback and I will take some time to digest these words. As part of my believing good things about myself, and not dismissing them, as I have always done.

(This is the blog, the comment was in response to

https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2016/10/13/the-most-painful-yet-bravest-thing-i-have-ever-done-lilly-hope-lucario/ )

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.

All rights reserved.

No part of any entry/blog, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, screenshots, copying & pasting, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods.

This includes adaptations in all forms of media.

 


Leave a comment

Coming back to deeper truths ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I am aware, this quote is very true for my healing journey – and therefore many other people healing.

I have often thought I am done with processing something, and then it comes back up again, and I process it further. To a deeper level.

spiral-3-001

And I don’t think we are ever truly done with processing many things, until we have learned all we needed to learn.

Which I see is a life long journey in many aspects.

I know I will never be done with learning, healing, truth and wisdom seeking.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

All blogs written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.

All rights reserved.

No part of any entry/blog, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, screenshots, copying & pasting, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods.

This includes adaptations in all forms of media.