I have an email @ firstname.lastname@example.org
**Please note, I am not a mental health professional, so I cannot and don’t give specific advice, as I am not trained to do so. **
I also cannot keep up with all the emails I receive and there will be a delay in any I am able to respond to.
I appreciate your understanding.
Please know my specific journey is documented in this blog, and is about my trauma and life. My journey is not the same for all, and if your journey is different – I honour that.
Please note, the online abuse survivor community does attract abusive people, who wish to cause harm online. Only appropriate comments are accepted on this blog, and all trolling, attacking, nasty, passive aggressive, or other inappropriate comments will be ignored. And the IP address (which shows when comments are made) – placed on the blacklist facility WordPress offers.
I have boundaries, and appropriate and respectful communication is expected.
Please know I have a Website I created as a gift to all who may need it. My Website is recommended by mental health professionals in the trauma field.
My Website has a wealth of information, collating a considerable amount of info about Complex Trauma and Complex PTSD, abuse and child abuse, into one convenient location.
For all advice required about trauma, coping strategies, self help, book recommendations etc – please see @
January 5, 2015 at 3:48 am
I’ve been with a sociopath over 9 years. It took awhile for me to figure out something was wrong and then I was just floored I am still so upset I have made him move out of my house. I’m have a five year restraining order. here is the enigma: there had been a few brief moments where he showed me true compassion I know it was real. yet how can that be possible? He showed up recently sobbing and crying and wanted back in but I will not allow that. what I want to address here is if we say that they cannot be cured does that mean we do not really believe in the power of Christ do you understand what I’m saying he can do anything I don’t understand why all these Christians places say it cannot be cured. a long time ago I saw this documentary maybe you could try and find it. it is about a Christian couple who adopted two children one was maybe one year old and a little girl I think she was about 5 they had not known their history that it was conveniently left out and this little girl has so many issues that she had to of been a sociopath she would torture animals they would wake up and she would be standing over their bed with knives no matter what they did it didn’t make a difference somehow she went to some place and two years later they showed this little girl and she was healed she had emotions she had feelings it was a miracle that’s what Jesus can do please try and find this video I don’t even know the name of it and please get back to me I want to know what you think after you watch it because I really really want him to get better I am a Christian and I pray he can get better I have to believe he can get better, or I don’t believe it all.
April 3, 2015 at 4:35 pm
Dear Lilly, I thank you for showing me there are good people like you ;in Australia. you know I was still cptsd when I ended up marrying and living in wa wehere I was with satan, really a;nd boy did I suffer being an American, I was abused horrifically in the marriage and ;the kids who were adults hated me for no;reaason;. because I was brainwashed and afraid workplace bullying and even the counselor o;f Holyoake made prejudice remarks about America and it just topped the cake on who I will never trust. after running away to save my life I was so afraid to say a word, to get help or anything in fear of getting beat up. when ;I had my own place for me and my dog I met some awful people who used me for the use of my house and oh I didn’t know anyone who had ;a heart. really. it wasn’t until ;I decided; to rent a room; with my neighbor as the last place t;o live before I got; back to; what I don’t know as my mom and two brothers also died while I was in exile there trying to get home.; I missed out on my brother by a few months. my pain is very deep. Ive ;had the life suck;ed out of me and from; working 15 years straight in hyper ready to protect myself, I am thankful I am blessed to be alive and at home. even my retirement fund didn’t want to let me see my brother with a bit of it. they referred me to welfare a;nd I didn’t want this. ive seen and witnessed and experienced com;plete and total; hell, disrespect threat, ;;;;oh man slave, every abuse, I made ;it I made it home. I made ;it home I made ity ho;me, what was a pro;mise to travel back at least once a year, never happened, I was afraid of the man who I thought was my friend. I was in total con;trol ;and I mourned alone, I lived life alone for 15 years. I watched my family ;grow and age on facebook. I can go ;on a lot happened and I ;lost everything. my things were taken from me, ;I cant believe how I survived. I couldn’t even speak at one job as the people did not like americans. I listened for 15 years my ex screaming in my ear with no bounds, and hearing ;;all about yanks ;;so muched happened my trust for others is gone. ;ive been; back since late 2013. I am sill afraid. I have learned a lot, ;;but the horror of hate I went through, I don’t understand;d. ; I spent my life in solitude with my two dogs. people who ;came into my life and I never wanted to know again as id find out the lies, bein;g used and ;oh laughing and make fun. ; ive never seen or kn;own anything like this.; ive been abused a few times before that and that was really bad.; this is amazing. I cant; believe I live, I cant believe wha;t I went through; there. the memories I don’t want are endless. I am very sad a;nd depressed you know trying to get home was ;hell,; ;as I was being ripped ;off left an;d right I was alone and stood alone and had strangers be my emergency number to phone my sis;. I have been abused every which way I;nthe name of hate, and seen a lot of bad things. even pcycologist ripped me off lby abusing my card and money I lo;s;t everything.my poor dog was being overfed to my helplessness by a drunkard a roommate who never listened to me. ;my pooor dog was so fat. I was so scared. I was so on the alert oh man. well that’s part of what happenead to me there and I wish I was never so naïve. I think; your a diamond shining amongst the dirt . you know I was nearly run off the road twice. i feel alone in the world, completely ;alone with no one to turn to or trust, where people hate you and your accent wh;ere youl get ;used an;d abused and made f;un of h;ated and disrespected in every way including rape. so glad I am home, ;safe. getting help and your web page helps me. I cant believe; how people can be so evil. that place,; was a heck ;of a lesson, and will take forever to heal from this very lo;ng nightmare. I felt like I was the ;aonly o;ne with a ;conscious and who loved God, my dogs and I are home, my; dogs are americans now and God has blessed us. I will never leave my country again. i didn’t know what i was doing, didn’t see the big picture,; and can still sleep fo;r; two months.
June 30, 2015 at 1:13 pm
I read your blog and find alot of great info for my recovery as well.
I am trying to work on attachment issues….trying to love myself especially the inner child.
Inner child therapy hasn’t been very effective…I have to many blocks.
Do you have recommendations I could go to for help? ( books, websites)
July 18, 2015 at 4:56 am
I have followed this blog for a while now and can say that you have helped me with different parts of my own life. For this reason I have nominated you for a Liebster Award. From what I understand, it’s to highlight the smaller blogs for their hard work. I believe you deserve recognition.
Please don’t feel obligated to participate in this. If you don’t want to do it, just delete this message.
Please keep up the hard work, you are appreciated and you are valued. x
July 18, 2015 at 9:56 am
Thank you so much!! I feel very honoured 2 receive this award. Much appreciated!
September 7, 2015 at 1:47 am
I accidentally posted this on your other website but this is the active one I assume so I’ll post it here.
I love your website, thanks for all your information on such a hard to find topic. I was looking through your recommended books section and the first book “Complex Ptsd from Surving to Thriving” by Pete Walker seemed very very good. Can you please post the Table of Contents from it so I can get a better look? I can’t find it on google. Does the book deal with inner somatic work and body-based awareness? Or is it more conceptual and impalpable in its general message?
September 7, 2015 at 1:47 am
Hi I love your website, thanks for all your information on such a hard to find topic. I was looking through your recommended books section and the first book “Complex Ptsd from Surving to Thriving” by Pete Walker seemed very good. Can you please post the Table of Contents from it so I can get a better look? I googled it to no avail. Does the book deal with inner somatic work and body-based awareness? Or is it more conceptual and impalpable in its general message? Thank you!!!
September 7, 2015 at 12:50 pm
Pete Walkers’ book is amazing and I truly recommended it for anyone starting to process through this complex PTSD journey, especially if the trauma was in childhood.
I don’t have a table of contents, but I do have some of the info on my website, as Pete gave me permission to use it.
My website is @ http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/
September 7, 2015 at 10:29 am
You are a blessed soul to have this website. Gifted. You probably would qualify for the MENSA Organization.!! I am sure you have a very high IQ !
September 7, 2015 at 12:48 pm
Thank you. I always hope my website, this blog and anything else I do, helps someone.
I don’t think my IQ is MENSA level!
I do think deeply about a lot of stuff, as well as being someone who has always been very vigilant and always taken everything in.
February 21, 2016 at 5:28 am
SO glad that I found your blog and look forward to reading and finding ways to cope. Maybe learn how to give up the guilt for being sexual abuse from my father, brother and emotional, verbal abuse from mom. Being told its the past let it go. Am trying to start my healing again I thought I had it all handled WOW that was not the case. Pandora’s box is open.
May 15, 2016 at 4:16 am
I just received an email from someone one and I am wondering if your site has been hacked?
May 15, 2016 at 7:17 am
Hi there, could you please email me at email@example.com to forward me the email. Thank you for letting me know and contacting me. Lilly ❤
June 26, 2016 at 2:59 pm
I am so glad that you have children. I know that you are a very good mother. Don’t give up, a lot of people need you.
July 25, 2016 at 5:51 pm
This blog has helped me to forgive and be gentler with myself, accept my life, and realize that others may not ever understand what I have coped with. Which can be hard and lonely. I am wondering about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which is a group therapy offered by my hospital. Does anyone find this therapy helpful? It seems to start with the premise that my distorted thoughts lead to reactions/ feelings that are not helpful to me. Yet I stump what my distorted thinking might be? has anyone used CBT for situational PTSD, Depression, self-isolation, etc?
July 25, 2016 at 10:07 pm
Hi Kim, I am so glad anything I share here, helps you in any way.
CBT is very helpful for working out what we are struggling with and finding ways to manage it.
Being in a group setting, may be helpful, as others will also be sharing their struggles and it may feel validating.
I know managing emotions and triggers, depression, anxiety etc, is hard and the CBT may help you to manage any of these symptoms you may find challenging.
The group setting may also help you feel less lonely in this journey.
I would say try it, and see how you feel about it once you know what will be talked about and discussed.
Much love, Lilly ❤
August 31, 2016 at 9:51 am
I would love to get your blog in my email. I am not sure how to navigate that.
August 31, 2016 at 10:23 am
Hi Karen, when you go to one of my blogs, a pop up will ask you if you want to follow the blog. When you click on this, I think that’s where you can choose to have my blogs in your email. I think you might need to create a WordPress Profile to do this. (which can be anonymous).
May 12, 2017 at 6:29 am
Lilly–I’m a survivor–I have a diagnosis of DIDor Multiple personality disorder–I hate the term “disorder” as it was how I survived and why I am who I am now. I am high functioning and have been in therapy since I was around 35. My former therapist who was really good, diagnosed me and now at 64 I am with a new therapist who deals with DID and complex trauma. What a journey I have been and am on!! I am learning to accept my selves and learning to cope, stay safe and depend on Jesus more and more.
I write poetry and draw and paint, journal and write pros. I am not published because I haven’t felt safe enough to “put it out there”.
Thank you for this place and for your courage to tell your story and share your journey.
August 6, 2017 at 3:56 am
Der Lilly , I just have found your blog via an Instagram quote, I am deeply moved. I grew up in the same way and my life was full of pain and misery. I didn’t get any help, nobody noticed my pain. I started to feel at the age of 46, with 2little children, than I broke with my mother and her family ( my father died ). I am still in a hurtful marriage, I am not sure if I will make it or not. I educate myself via internet. I do that for my children, they deserve a better life, and increasingly for myself. I am completely alone and financial dependant from my husband. But I think I have so much received, I can’t give up now. Since January 2017 I called my way “my healing journey”, never heard that before and today I am reading your words…, and feel very encouraged. Thank you so much for your work. Sorry my English is not very well, I can better read than write.
September 4, 2017 at 4:51 am
i was very abused as a child .i have m.e bladder and bowel problems .i am disabled have
asperger syndrome. PEOPLE NEVER SEE THE EVERY DAY EFFECTS .it is a life sentence
i sit cry /snotty nose very often .helps so much .research is very very RARE .i am in a authors
book book was out this year .my story among others
May 5, 2021 at 9:00 pm
Finally I found someone who really does not victim blaming! I cannot believe this! Are you an angel fallen from the sky?!?! I find victim blaming also on the sites of those doctors who promote self compassion! Victim blaming is present in the psyche of all my friends who endured severe trauma! And because of this they are not able to begin a healing journey! I am 46 and I began to heal a few years ago. All the interventions of mental health professionals during my whole life were pretty detrimental. I happened to tap into a ressource of mine in an accidental way and that changed everything. I suffered from a very serious dissociation my whole life, do you know anything about family scapegoating? Mine was pretty brutal. And now I can see how the society responds to victimization. But I feel very alone, I was having the feeling I was the only one to see this. Then I stumbled upon very few articles which gave me a bit of hope and finally you! I still need to walk a long way, I still need empathy, much of it. Recently I vented my pain and anger to a friend who really helped me in many ways, and his reaction was to remind me that there are people who suffer from tumors. I felt really really alone, completely alone. It is also paradoxical how psychologists can be very dangerous to people who endured severe trauma, this is my experience and I ask mysrlf how this can be possible. My answer is that they are part of society, so maybe we should ask ourselves why society denies and stigmatizes and shames. Sometimes I think that I would like to create an association that fights these negative drives, can we call the lack of empathy a negative drive, a negative force, which contributes to disempower an already disempowered human being? THANK YOU. I NEED YOU.