Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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We Need To Stop Shaming Severe Abuse Survivors, For Not Being ‘Strong Enough’ ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Throughout my work as an advocate for abuse survivors, I have seen a considerable amount of victim shaming, victim blaming and shame shifting. And I see the bigger picture of how much harm this causes.

Many abuse survivors are not ‘stronger’ after the abuse they have suffered. And for those who claim they are – that’s great, but it is very narcissistic to then look down on those who are struggling and mock, belittle and/or shame those who are deemed to not be ‘as strong’.

Many abuse survivors already feel considerable shame, due to the abuse they have suffered and when they are treated in this victim shaming way, that shame increases, and often leads to increased mental health issues, and can lead to suicide. When shamed for not being ‘strong enough’ – survivors can feel a burden, useless and weak. For those who have spiralled down to suicidal thoughts – this added shame can push them over the edge.

If you think about it – it doesn’t even make sense that every survivor of heinous, severe abuse – would be stronger as a result. Would anyone expect a person who has severe life impacting physical health issues, to be stronger? Of course not. Many abuse survivors have debilitating mental health issues, and many also endure physical health issues, which are life impacting and very difficult to manage. And that is not through any fault of the survivor, it is entirely the responsibility of the perpetrator(s) of the abuse.

It truly is a lack of empathy to insinuate any abuse survivor is ‘acting like a victim’ or ‘choosing to dwell in victimhood’ – when the fact is – no-one else knows the extent to which the abuse has affected the survivor. There are many factors that are beyond the survivors control, that affect coping and healing. And true empathy knows that.

Yet, I see these shaming terms perpetuated around social media and the internet. Far too many mental health professionals also choose to victim shame, and each one of those is blocked by me, as I will not tolerate it, condone it, or enable it.

As a highly insightful abuse survivor and therapist Pete Walker stated about complex trauma survivors….

For many such clients, we are their first legitimate shot at a safe and nurturing relationship. If we are not skilled enough to create the degree of safety they need to begin the long journey towards developing good enough trust, we may be their last.

Empathy is vital for severe abuse survivors, and shaming complex trauma survivors – creates considerable fear and a huge lack of safety. This causing the survivor to withdraw and possibly never reach out again for help. And the therapy offered, will require considerable effort to develop and maintain the degree of trust required for any therapeutic benefit. Shame should have no place in a complex trauma survivor’s therapy relationship.

See here for more info for therapists treating complex trauma. Continue reading


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Why Being Authentic Really Matters ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I have the skill of working people out – as to them being authentic, or fake, and whether they are manipulative and exploitative. All due to a lifetime of ‘wolves in sheep’s clothing’. A lifetime of surviving and dealing with toxic people. It has created a skillset beyond the norm, which I required from a young age, to survive.

Red flags occur all the time in my life. My personal life, and on social media. I will come to know someone is not authentic (including on social media) and this has been proven correct and accurate, so many times. I will detect a fake, quicker than most people. Even quicker than many who know about toxic people.

One of things I truly hate in humanity – is the ease of which so many people will manipulate others, through lies and deceit, and exploit people in the process.

I see this within the pseudoscience world…. so many con artists peddling lies, to exploit people for money. And exploiting people’s insecurities and worries about health and the health of their children.

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So many people out there, are exploiting people with alternative health, that has zero evidence of efficacy and dangerous stupidity is being encouraged. Anti-vaxxers are huge perpetrators of spreading lies. They work on promoting fear and a belief in conspiracy, that is now leading to formerly eradicated diseases coming back and the death of children as a result. There is no evidence that vaccinations are dangerous, or cause autism or any other issues. But, there are many people promoting this conspiracy theories about Big Pharma and they are delusional.

And anti-vaxxers are just one area of dangerous and delusional thinking, that is negatively impacting society. Another example is pyramid/MLM schemes that promote lies and deceit. One company I became aware of who engage in this is DoTERRA Essential Oils, who have been slammed by the FDA for insinuating oils can cure cancer, Ebola and autism. And they have a deceitful marketing scam in place, which is complete lies – that their oils are ‘therapeutic grade’. There is no such thing. The only ‘essential’ part of essential oils, is believing their lies. That is essential to them successfully conning you. When I found out this company are based completely on lies and exploitation, I realised just how deep the levels of con artistry exist within the pseudoscience world.

This from Dr George Simon – is insight into the minds of pseudoscience promoters….. who do not want to submit to the greater knowledge, research and understanding of scientists and experts in the field….

“To have character integrity you have to not only be genuine but also principled. Moreover, to be properly principled you have to both respect and be willing to subordinate yourself to some “higher power” or authority. Ultimately, the mark of the disturbed character is their deficient or absent recognition of and submission to a higher power.

The manipulative personality is a particular breed of character. Most folks manipulate to some degree. But some folks “con” as a lifestyle. Such disturbed characters get the things they want from people through deception and trickery. They are who they are, which I suppose makes them “authentic” in one regard. But they’re not who they appear to be when they present themselves to you. So that makes them inherently dishonest – proverbial wolves in sheep’s clothing.”

~ Dr George Simon – Expert In Toxic People & Author of In Sheep’s Clothing. 

Source: https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/manipulative-characters-lack-authenticity/

You only have to look at the obvious BS being promoted by people like David Avacodo Wolfe – who is indeed a #WolfeInSheepsClothing. He peddles absolute BS and so many fall for it. It is a dire state that society is in, when he has over a million followers on Facebook alone, and so many choose to agree with his beliefs – such as ‘gravity is a toxin’, ‘chocolate is an octave of the sun’ and ‘the earth is flat’. I find it absolutely bizarre that people swallow that BS. But, I also suspect Wolfe knows he is peddling BS, and he is actually laughing at how much BS people will swallow. I think he really knows what he is doing, and a master con artist. Either that, or one of the most delusional people on the planet. And he is getting very rich – despite claiming that Big Pharma are only in it for the money. Does Wolfe supply his supplements and ‘natural’ products etc for free……….no of course he doesn’t.

And some people truly buy into the belief that believing lies and BS, makes you ‘open minded’. It helps them rationalise their irrational thinking. Their capacity for insight and critical thinking, does not exist.

Some people will claim all of this is harmless. But, it isn’t. The bigger picture is it’s dangerous and affects the health of people, and worse – is harming children.

It also encourages delusional thinking – because any thinking that is based upon lies, with no evidence to prove it’s efficacy – is delusional. Continue reading


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My Timespan Of Shutting Down Completely To Cope/Survive – Is Lessoning ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

As per my last post, I have been really struggling. Ongoing trauma issues in my life and a lack of support for that, can be really hard to deal with.

Childhood complex trauma survivors – have to unconsciously formulate coping strategies, that help them survive the ongoing abuse and trauma being endured. These ways of coping – continue on into adulthood.

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One of my coping ways from childhood which still occurs now – is ‘Freeze’. Which is said by Pete Walker – to be the trauma typology of dissociating. And is the hardest to treat and heal – of the four types of trauma responses of Flight, Fight, Freeze, Fawn.

See here for more info https://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/about1

As per Pete Walker… The freeze response, also known as the camouflage response, often triggers the individual into hiding, isolating and eschewing human contact as much as possible. This type can be so frozen in retreat mode that it seems as if their starter button is stuck in the “off” position. It is usually the most profoundly abandoned child – “the lost child” – who is forced to “choose” and habituate to the freeze response (the most primitive of the 4Fs). Unable to successfully employ fight, flight or fawn responses, the freeze type’s defenses develop around classical dissociation, which allows him to disconnect from experiencing his abandonment pain, and protects him from risky social interactions – any of which might trigger feelings of being reabandoned.

I also have the trauma response of Fawn, which I have realised is something I display in my therapy relationship. Whenever threatened with any perceived threat of my counsellors withdrawal of support, or criticism of my efforts to deal with issues, or anything negative, I end up apologising – even when not appropriate/needed. It echoes my relationship with my mother…. I am hurt – but rather than face abandonment – I will do and say whatever I think she wants. Continue reading


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I Give Up

For the last 5 years, I have been trying to stand up for myself, to explain how all the abuse I have endured throughout my entire life, has harmed me. And tried to stand up for my needs, implement boundaries and not allow people to walk all over me and harm me.

All this has brought me is more grief. More abuse. More harm.

So, I give up.

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I’m just going to tell people what they want to hear and let them do whatever they want.

Just disconnect emotionally and get through the day as calm and detached as I can.

It’s the only way I can keep surviving, when I have no genuine support and no-one who cares about my wellbeing. All I have are people who victim blame/shame, tell me I am not good enough and everything I do is not good enough. And somehow always bring the issues about me being abused – back to somehow being my responsibility and shamed for my normal human responses to abuse.

I’ve been pushed too far now and I am too exhausted to do anything else, but give up. Continue reading


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Dr. Marsha M. Linehan – Expert On Mental Illness Reveals Her Own Fight

From the article….

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The patient wanted to know, and her therapist — Marsha M. Linehan of the University of Washington, creator of a treatment used worldwide for severely suicidal people — had a ready answer. It was the one she always used to cut the question short, whether a patient asked it hopefully, accusingly or knowingly, having glimpsed the macramé of faded burns, cuts and welts on Dr. Linehan’s arms:

“You mean, have I suffered?”

“No, Marsha,” the patient replied, in an encounter last spring. “I mean one of us. Like us. Because if you were, it would give all of us so much hope.”

“That did it,” said Dr. Linehan, 68, who told her story in public for the first time last week before an audience of friends, family and doctors at the Institute of Living, the Hartford clinic where she was first treated for extreme social withdrawal at age 17. “So many people have begged me to come forward, and I just thought — well, I have to do this. I owe it to them. I cannot die a coward.” Continue reading


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Giving Others Realistic Gentle Hope – Is Vital For Complex Trauma Survivors ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

My motivation in sharing my journey, in writing about what I process, how this complex trauma journey feels – is to give hope. Realistic, gentle hope – based in truth and reality. With lots of honesty and validation along the way.

I do write about the good, the bad and the ugly – because this complex trauma journey is not easy. It’s really painful, really exhausting and takes so much out of us. But, I believe every single complex trauma survivor deserves to heal, however long that takes.

I receive messages, emails, comments and feedback continually. Which is great, as it shows I am continually helping people in a positive and meaningful way.

This is just a few of the comments I received yesterday on my Facebook page, when posting my article published by Stigma Fighters. See here  https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2017/04/14/my-article-on-stigma-fighters/

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These types of messages I receive continually, really express how meaningful my work is, as an advocate.

Complex trauma survivors are in such need of hope, the gentle kind of hope that comes from insight, compassion and validation. Continue reading