Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


My son’s first night at Church youth group. Anxiety.

I have anxiety. Inwardly, rather than outwardly. My stomach is letting me know I have anxiety, as I feel nauseous.

I do know it is absolutely okay that I have anxiety about my son attending a church youth group. Especially when we’ve only just started attending the church and I don’t know the people there yet.

It is also okay that I have anxiety, because church has not previously been a positive experience at all, for me, or my son and family. So, it is normal to feel concerned, worried and be anxious.

My rational mind is thinking it will be most likely be fine, he will most likely be safe and have a great time.

My anxious mind, that has a great deal of knowledge of widespread church issues and poor attitudes regarding potentially or known abusive people …… is reminding me just how badly churches can f*** it up, when it comes to keeping kids/teenagers safe.

I need a drink.

*sigh.


Update on this blog. Found out the youth group is finishing at the end of this term. So, Continue reading


Church went well. Far more than I anticipated.

I don’t believe in many things being a coincidence. I believe fully in God’s pure love and power. Beyond anything I can comprehend.

Church today…. went really well. Friendly people. When we got there, the fellowship tea, coffee etc was happening and they have that between the end of the first service and the second more family friendly service. A few older people came and chatted with me, very friendly. I like older people.

Found out about the teenage youth group and a little about some of the people running that. One being a music teacher of a local high school. Spoke with another woman who is a youth leader, she seemed really nice. So we’ll rock up on Saturday, and drop my son off. My son is also into music and wanting to learn to play the guitar, so knowing a music teacher, is good. He is happy to be going there on Saturday.

During the very relaxed, easy going service – the Reverend spoke of N.T.Wright – who happens to be one of my favourite Christian authors/theologians, and knows 1st Century and historical context and it’s importance. The Reverend’s husband, is a big N/T/Wright fan too as he expressed to me. That was re-assuring for me to hear.

During the service, they talked about how they are welcoming and supporting two Syrian refugee families Continue reading


My mind & body are subconsciously thinking WTF! But, emotionally, I am quite calm.

Emotionally, I am pretty calm this morning. Despite my concerns about potentially walking into what could be anything from a nice, relatively healthy environment…….. right through the church continuum….. to the equivalent of being a lions den.

I don’t view churches or church people, through ‘rose coloured’ glasses and pretend they are all okay. As most church people like to. They are not all okay. I am a realist. And have considerable research and insight. And experience.

But, I am holding onto knowing, there are some out there, that are generally healthy. And whilst none will be perfect, some will have more good stuff, than not good stuff.

So, I’m pretty calm. Emotionally.

My body, however, is reacting differently. As is the issue with Continue reading


Gardening expert, on the benefits for mental health.

At the International Gardening Show I attended today, one of the experts was talking about the benefits to mental health.

I have this mentioned on my Website @ http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/#!great-for-stressanxiety-reduction/c1ycp

Gardening is benefiting me and helps manage my PTSD symptoms 🙂

These are from the talk…

DSC_1242-002 Continue reading


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Tackled my fear of public speaking today…. at a gardening show :) I won a competition too ;-)

I attended an international gardening show today, with a friend. There were talks by well known people within the gardening and landscaping field.

We attended what I thought was a talk about floral displays. It turned out to be a competition, and a world renowned landscaper and winner of many awards, a reality show celebrity from a popular home show, and a floral designer, were 3 of the competitors.

They wanted a volunteer from the audience and my ‘friend’ volunteered me. So, very reluctantly, with anxiety rising fast, I got up and went up to the stage. With the 3 experts…

I’ve never done a floral display in my life, I have no idea what to do with the floral wiring etc. I had no idea what to do, except that the flowers and leaves, had to go in the foamy stuff… Apparently that stuff is called Oasis…. I know that now 😉

This was being recorded and photos were being taken, for media for the show :-O And I kept having a microphone put in front of me and asked to speak… :-O Continue reading


The Australian police are terrorist targets. Not good news when married to a cop.

A police worker has been murdered by a 15 year old radicalised terrorist. I feel deep compassion for the family of the murdered man, and the police involved in this murder and the subsequent need to kill the teenager. I also feel compassion for this boy. To have your mind twisted so young and be given a gun and be encouraged to murder a police worker, is terrible.

These extremists are evil to twist the mind of a teenager in this way. I don’t know if his family are involved. If not, then I feel such compassion for them too. They have to live with knowing their son murdered this police worker. They will no doubt receive such hate, due to this now.

All police are on high alert, as there is info this is something on the terrorists agenda – to murder police and more than one.

Police already do a dangerous job – facing career criminals, people armed, Ice/drug addicts, cop haters, people with mental illness that causes them to be dangerous etc.

Now, they face actual terrorism occurring, and it is no longer a ‘threat’. It is occurring. Continue reading


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Nearly had a car crash today… but remained very calm.

Driving to the city is something I have avoided in 10 years of living in my current location. Anxiety had always prevented me. But, last week I ventured and today I drove with a friend.

Today, I was anxious and missed a turning and ended up going through the city, which I did not like or feel comfortable with. My friend was lovely and was helping me with directions.

I ran a red light accidently, and it nearly ended in a car crash. My friend was clearly shaken and I felt worse for her than myself. I felt terrible. It was entirely because I was talking, whilst trying to look at the GPS and not concentrating enough on the road. I apologised and my friend was very gracious and we ended up laughing about it later. I was thankful for that. Humour always helps.

I actually remained very calm throughout the situation and was able to continue driving, Continue reading


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Treated myself to an adult colouring book :)

Went to the shopping centre today, for the first time in weeks. While there, I spotted all the adult colouring books now readily available. They have become so popular.

Until now, I have purchased children’s colouring books, but these adult ones are definitely better.

So, I treated myself to one 🙂

This one has famous quotes in it and I spotted ones by Carl Jung, C.S.Lewis.

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Colouring-in, has great benefits for stress relief, anxiety reduction, mindfulness and are also great for inner child healing. Continue reading


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Pretty stressed, as my son has a mass of lumps in his neck.

My 12 year old son had an ultra sound and chest x-ray today, following blood tests, because he has lumps in his neck that are growing in size.

These lumps are at the side of his neck, not where you get swollen glands with a sore throat. They are inline with the back of his ear. They can visibly be seen sticking out of his neck. He’s had them for over 6 months, and the previous GP we saw about them, said they were okay and only be concerned if they got bigger.

Well, they are bigger and have grown in this last 6 months. I can see on the ultra sound x-rays, there are many lumps both sides of neck and a few are over 2cm’s is size. One is over 3cm’s in size.

The GP we saw this week, had said if there were bigger than 2cm’s, tests would need to be done to find out what they are and what’s caused them. He seemed concerned about them.  Continue reading