Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


4 Comments

Interestingly, the worst bullying and harassment I have had on social media, has been from ex military.

Firstly, I will state that many ex military are wonderful people. In no way, am I generalising all ex military, or current military as the same.

The worst bullying and harassment on social media, has been from ex military. And I see why. The military attracts and develops some people into beings with little conscience, little empathy and an ability to destroy people – with no remorse, with the ‘reason’ of protecting their country. It gives them the belief that this psychopathic behaviour, is okay. The military develop and grow people into fighting machines, with pack mentality, where retaliation and revenge are part of the job. They are taught/forced to suppress all emotions, all sense of conscience, all sense of remorse. All the hallmarks of highly disordered/unhealthy people. And the better the psychopath they become, the more they are hailed as being a military success.

I’ve read so many articles on the internet about how the military has higher than average levels of narcissists /sociopaths/ psychopaths and it’s easy to see why. And how many will be further up that continuum than average.

Plus you only have to read the appalling statistics on sexual violence perpetrated within the military, to see what goes on even within their own comrades. Quote “Last year, soldiers were 15 times more likely to be raped by a comrade then killed by an enemy.” http://mic.com/articles/72503/pentagon-releases-startling-new-statistics-on-military-sexual-assault. Again behaviour by people with no empathy, no conscience, no remorse. And willing to harm others, easily. More facts about sexual violence/abuse perpetuated by military @ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/military-sexual-assault-facts_b_4281704.html.

And even the ‘fight’ trauma response in itself, is narcissistic. See http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/#!about1/c2bg

I think the military destroys many people.

My husband works with a few fellow cops, who were ex military and they have confirmed how higher levels of violence, bullying, and nasty behaviour does go on, how many have a ‘chip on their shoulder’ and they have seen this for themselves. How they treat their families badly and feel so entitled in their actions.

It makes sense to me how this occurs, when you consider the type of training and combat training they endure. And the psychological implications of this. Continue reading


1 Comment

Maybe I am just enabing abuse… maybe I am just allowing myself to be abused….

One issue I have noticed and it does make me think I am enabling abuse…. is my husband’s issues are getting worse.

I know that if you give narcissistic people an inch….. they will take a mile.

And anyone who doesn’t realise this, does not know personality disorders.

I see my husbands lies frequently now. And he truly does not care, no remorse, no guilt and he will continue. He is a pathological liar.

People who lie a lot, rarely change, I’ve read that too.

As my reactions to my husband change and I don’t get angry, move on from it quicker  etc……. I do know this gives him the green light, to lie more.

Like a child…….. what you allow, they will continue and they will increase.

So, not getting angry – is probably making it worse.

He knows he can ‘get away with it’.

And he has zero remorse about this.

This has been really bothering me …… and is why I do need to question what I am doing.

It’s easy for people to say… you should just leave him.

Its also easy for people to say …… I should stay and do XYZ.

It’s easy for them to make me feel bad and feel shame for not agreeing with them and doing what ‘they’ say I ‘should’ do.

I am being emotionally abused, and I know that.

Lying to someone often, is abuse.

Being constantly aware of lies, not being with someone I can trust, is not pleasant and is horrible to endure, and I am not going to let anyone ‘tell’ me, I should not have emotions about this.

Why would anyone choose to be married to someone they absolutely know they cannot trust, be aware they could be having an affair, worry about my children picking up on all his stuff, and ending up the same.

Why I am doing this to myself?

Why am I allowing and enabling someone to increase their abusive behaviours.

Have I not endured enough.


1 Comment

My son is being bullied at high school and I don’t know what to do.

Last day of school and my 12 year old was physically bullied again today, by a group of about 6 boys. Pushed over and ended up face planted on the ground and has a really sore knee.

He also found out today, one of his friends – who’s mother is a teacher at the junior school next to this high school, has pulled her twin children out of the high school and they are starting somewhere else next year…..due to all the bullying.

Wondering whether I should consider doing the same. If a teacher is pulling her children out and I know there have been other parents who have pulled their children out due to bulling…..then I’m considering doing the same.

My son went through this at a junior school (the one next door to this high school). Bullying issues not dealt with appropriately, and my son had visible anxiety issues. Moved him to another school in beginning of grade 4, and he was so much happier immediately and stayed that way. Really thrived, great friends, grades all improved.

Now, he is at the High School (which is our catchment area), where these junior school kids have come from, and the bulling is rife, clearly not being dealt with well and my son is being subjected to bullying – physically, emotionally, verbally.

I don’t know whether this is just your average amount of bullying that goes on these days, and moving him will not lesson that, plus he won’t be with his friends….or whether there would be less bullying elsewhere.

I really don’t know what to do.


2 Comments

My son is being bullied in school….at times like this, I desperately wish I had a wise mother for advice.

My son was hit several times by a bully in school this week, for defending a child being bullied. He did everything right and handled himself well.

Now it has been decided the boy will be suspended for 4 days next week. Due to this, the boy and his friends, have bullied my son relentlessly today, and threatened to ‘bash him up again’. My son and his friend who witnessed this again, reported it.

My son is really down, very quiet and there has been a few tears. He wanted a hug when I offered (at 12 he is ‘too old’ for hugs normally) and I know that means he is upset. He’s concerned this will continue on now.

Interestingly, all the bullies in the school have come from the junior school I pulled by son out of in grade 5 due to bullying and he was immediately happier and did so well at the second junior school, with no issues. The former one has a terrible reputation now of bullying, with quite a few people I know, pulling their children from there.

So these bullies in that junior school are now all bullying kids in the first year in high school.

I want to go there on Monday and calmly state I want this nipped in the bud, as I do not want my son subjected to ongoing threats and bullying – and remind the school they have a very strict behaviour management/bullying policy and I expect that to be adhered to.

But, my son doesn’t want me to go and see them, he thinks it would make it worse. He’s also angry at these boys, and I know to let him have his rightful emotions about this, I don’t believe in suppressing needed emotions. Just vent appropriately.  He has a right to be angry at being bullied, at being threatened, after already being punched 3 times.

What do I do, what do I do???…..Let him try to work this out, or go to the school anyway? My anxiety levels are really up right now. This will bother me now until I know either the bullying has stopped, or I have to go and see them. I maintain my composure in front on my children, but seeing them hurt, in tears, upset – pulls my heart apart inside me. Continue reading


2 Comments

My son was punched 3 times, for standing up for someone being bullied.

My son came home from school with a swollen and bruised eye yesterday.

My son’s friend was being bullied verbally and my son told the bully to stop it, and the bully had a big rage attack and punched my son 3 times. My son didn’t react back and just went to the office and reported it, with his friends to validate what had occurred.

The school office people were nice to him, gave him ice for his eye and told him it was great self control to not react back. They asked him if he wanted to phone his parents and go home but he said he was okay and remained at school.

My children are not perfect by far, but they are learning empathy, self control, courage and how to stand up for people who are being bullied. I’ve explained he needs to also be careful, as this can happen, and bullies can get very nasty when someone has the guts to stand up to them. Told him I am proud of him and validated his self control, courage and his good heart.

I wonder what’s going on in that child’s life, for him to need to be a bully and have rage and be physically aggressive. No doubt there are issues there, probably at home. There will be a story there. I talked about that with my son too. Not to excuse what the child did in any way, but just to show not hating someone and realise that as wrong as the bullying is, there is a reason.

Abuse is never okay, never condonable and needs dealing with.

But, empathy and non hate is needed too. And I want to model that for my children.

I try to teach and model all forms of emotional intelligence.


Lack of empathy and so much narcissism…..all over Miley Cyrus’ Facebook page.

I just read a whole load of nasty comments and cyber bullying, on Miley Cyrus’ Facebook page and they disgust me.

People have such a lack of empathy for others and such a great need to bully. And some of these people consider themselves nice people. And yet their lack of emotional maturity, is staggeringly obvious to me. They have no idea how poor mental health it is – to be narcissistic and put others down – to raise up own ego.

In my 20’s, I had behaviours that resulted in me being called everything – slag, slut etc. And I agree they are unhealthy, and should not be encouraged as okay.

But, there were deeply rooted & profound psychological reasons for why I had no self worth, and allowed myself to be treated badly, wore certain clothing and participated in behaviours that were very risky, very unhealthy. And I had no-one around me, to model healthy behaviour, or encourage healthy behaviour.

People can say what they like about my life then, ‘shame’ me, call me a slag, slut, skank, whatever…..I am no longer ashamed of what I did.

We live in such a Shaming, and Bullying society.

Continue reading


1 Comment

Narcissism, narcissism, I see it everywhere…shaming people for being ‘sensitive’, calling people names.

1545745_455784197877306_1920070378_n

Ouch – there is a whole heap of ‘labelling’ and ‘shaming’ right there.

Yes, I agree political correctness can go too far, but it is needed.

But there is nothing wrong with being sensitive.

Narcissists love to use this term and put others down for being ‘over-sensitive’. I’ve heard this all my life from my family and I see clearly with all my research how society embraces many aspects of narcissistic attitudes.

Empathy and considering other people’s needs, is not common.

All this poster is doing – is putting people down in a nasty, unnecessary way, to raise up own ego.

Calling people ‘pansies’ is bullying.

‘Humourising’ and ‘normalising’ bullying and covert narcissism, is a huge issue in society.

And that society…..is all narcissism.