Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Cheap grace……… the ruin of many church people ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

Reading through ‘The Cost Of Discipleship’ – Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and it is challenging for me. Many terms used I don’t know, and Bonhoeffer is clearly way beyond my intellectual level, but I am attempting to take it in.

This is going to take time for me to read, and digest. And that’s okay. God, Jesus, my faith, are worth it. And I need spiritually feeding and nourishing and I need that from wise and spiritually progressed Christians.

This following section, I understand.


This cheap grace has been no less disastrous to our own spiritual lives. Instead of opening up the way to Christ it has closed it. Instead of calling us to follow Christ, it has hardened us in our disobedience.

Perhaps we had once heard the gracious call to follow him, and had at this command even taken the first few steps along the path of discipleship in the discipline of obedience, only to find ourselves confronted by the word of cheap grace. Was that not merciless and hard?

The only effect that such a word could have on us was to bar our way to progress, and seduce us to the mediocre level of the world, quenching the joy of discipleship by telling us that we were following a way of our own choosing, that we were spending our strength and disciplining ourselves in vain – all of which was not merely useless, but extremely dangerous.

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I don’t do ‘cheap grace’ and ‘cheap forgiveness’. That’s for immature church people.

I am not wrong because I do not engage in cheap grace or cheap forgiveness.

I understood how these were wrong, even before I read about them. I am often very aware of bad theology and poor, disordered behaviours, long before I even read the views of others about this.

I know I have been identified as being well past the faith stage of most Christians, most church people.

Yet these very immature church people, often preach and project their own issues with this, onto others, demanding others do the same. I wish they would be quiet, and stop preaching what Satan wants.

http://thesesheepbite.com/christian-behavior/cheap-grace-cheap-forgiveness/

One of the contemporary church’s pillars of thought is the recent notion that our chief business as Christians is forgiveness—forgiveness of everyone, all the time, without exception, and without confession or repentance as a prerequisite. In its present form, it appears to be just another version of what German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer called “cheap grace.” He defined this phenomenon as follows:

Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without repentance, is baptism without church discipline, is communion without confession of sins, is absolution without personal confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without the living and incarnate Jesus Christ. (Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Nachfolge, 15th ed. Munich: Christian Kaiser Verlag, 1985, 14).


Christian counselors and motivational speakers today advise us that our responsibility is to forgive all those who do us wrong. We are called upon to forgive immediately, without waiting for the offender to ask for forgiveness, or even before he senses the need for it. We’re reminded, “We’re all sinners in God’s sight. All sin is equally bad.” Or, “If we don’t offer this kind of forgiveness, then God will not forgive us,” and, “Jesus’ blood covers it all anyway!”

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I have waves of complete sadness for disordered, abusive people…

I do have waves of complete sadness and compassion for abusive people – to the point where I cry, because I don’t want their lives to be what they are – for ‘their’ sakes.

Then I wonder if this is unhealthy and I am being pulled back into their desire for me to feel sorry for them, when I know – they do not in any way feel any compassion, remorse or guilt for anything they do. And I know they ‘want’ people to feel sorry for them, so they can continue what they are doing.

These emotions confuse me.

And I know I do have empathy for even the worst types of abusive people. Like paedophiles, psychopaths, malignant narcissists.

I struggle between having empathy……. and knowing this can be the slippery slope to what Satan wants.

I see others who think they have compassion, and mercy and forgiveness – and they enable abusers, minimize what they do, attach neutral words to who they are and what they do…… and think that’s wisdom. It’s not – it’s Satan’s work.

And I know it’s not wisdom.

But, I still can’t help feeling so sorry for anyone who is so fucked up, they choose dark, abusive needs, and enjoy it, or have no willingness to deal with what they truly are.

Some people tell me my empathy is wrong and unhealthy.

Some tell me it is good.

Some tell me it isn’t enough and I need to view them in positive/neutral ways.

I think of Christian music and songs that say everyone needs forgiveness, mercy, compassion. But so many church people and people claiming to be Christians, get this so wrong.

Yes, everyone does need mercy, compassion, forgiveness, grace ……. but in no way should that ever = enabling, condoning, minimizing, ignoring, avoiding or applying cheap grace.

I feel a great need within me – to make sure I am seeing this in the most healthy and wise way.

Am I there yet…… I really don’t know. But, I do see I am further along getting this, that many.


Found out today, about more corruption going on in a church.

I won’t say where and who is involved, but this doesn’t surprise me and I had already sensed this may occur.

Spiritual abuse and bullying (narcissism/sociopathy), goes on more within churches more than most church people want to admit.

It’s obvious to me as well, that where there are people who are not blind to this darkness….there will be more abuse occurring,  to get them out. Satan works harder against those who will call out the darkness in others.

And there will be all those blind to the truth, blind to what is obviously occurring….all going along with it, or ignoring/avoiding it. All enabling this darkness to continue and increase, but they won’t admit that to themselves, or accept what they do is wrong. Their need to continue their actions, paramount above truth and goodness. Cheap grace often used and is a terrible darkness running throughout churches worldwide.

People always do what they need to do. Believe what they want to believe. Churches are full of such people.

Many victims of abuse occur as a result, and they are just forced out, and the abusers raised up as a result. All completely the opposite of what Jesus modelled.

It’s truly terrible.


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‘Honour & Respect Your Abusive Parents’ – is more abuse. Church people….stop this.

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I hate this crap that church people like to perpetuate………how it is a terrible sin to think badly of our parents, no matter what they do.

Grrrrr……..it is the abusive parents who sinned, abused us and stole our need and right to have parents we could honour and respect!

This is why I have to stay away from church people.

I can’t handle their emotionally, psychologically abusive, re-traumatising, spiritually abusive views about abuse and abusers. I see clearly why abuse is rife within Christianity and it bothers me, that so many non Christians see this clearly too – and think this is what God wants. He does not, at all.

But, I am not resilient to deal with it. It is self care to stay away from people who will hurt me more.

I can’t handle anymore hurt and so many are so immature in their faith, in their emotional intelligence. Yes, I get that is where they are at. No, I don’t hate them because of this, but I do not have to tolerate it and ignore it either.

They hurt far too many abuse survivors and that is not okay. These immature views, force abuse survivors to suppress their needed emotions, their healing. Which can take a long time and church people ‘judge’ that too. They think they are Jesus – to know how long someone’s healing ‘should’ take. Continue reading


It is a sad reflection of the world we live in when…

It is sad reflection of the world we live in…

Where you need to spend more time explaining

why you are empathic and compassionate and

receive more negativity and rejection about

having these virtues…..

Than you ever do, if you choose to be

selfish, egocentric and self serving.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario


I am researching spiritual abuse/perpetrator protecting within organised Christianity.

These links have given me a lot of food for thought.

http://www.marydemuth.com/perpetrators/

http://www.marydemuth.com/spiritual-abuse-10-ways-to-spot-it/

http://www.barnabasministry.com/recovery-uncovering.html

http://www.godswordtowomen.org/Grady.htm

http://enrichmentjournal.ag.org/200102/112_ministering_to_abused.cfm