Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Anger is necessary, as part of healing & grieving.

I wrote a blog yesterday, about how I am not defined by all the abusers have done to me, I am defined by my courage to survive it all, to overcome it all and be a good person.

I struggle to allow myself anger. I suppress it. And I feel a lot of confusion and fear, when I feel anger. Yet, I know anger is a very needed, appropriate and normal emotion, after abuse and trauma. Especially the severity of trauma I have endured.

This came up in counselling last week, were I tried to explain I know I have anger within me. And I can’t cope with it, so I just suppress it.

This week in counselling, While explaining this processing I have been doing, I tentatively said, the success of this blog, my website and all the amazing feedback I get – is kind of a big middle finger, to all those who harmed me.

I said this tentatively, because I am conflicted as to whether giving all the abusers the middle finger, is appropriate and okay. I realise I was apprehensive, as to whether my counsellor would feel this was wrong. Whether this would make me a ‘bad’ person.

Her response, was very encouraging of me writing about this anger I feel and indeed, putting a pic of a middle finger, to all those who harmed me, mistreated me, abused me and treated me as a worthless person. And how this is okay to do on my blog. Continue reading


Being ‘religious’ has a negative effect on children’s EQ.


This study and it’s conclusions, doesn’t surprise me at all. The reason why – many adult religious people are uncaring, judgmental and lack empathy and that then clearly impacts the children they raise.

Two examples spring to mind, that many religious people hold onto with all their lack of empathy.

  1. Physical discipline – which is child abuse and domestic violence. Hardly conducive to raising caring children, at all. Children learn what are modelled and shown. If abused, they will often learn to be the same. Religious mind control demands that.
  2. Abusing LGBTIQ – in demanding it is sin, when it isn’t. Plus all the abuse that follows that. Hardly empathy, or compassion.

Both of these alone, are the issues of many religious church people. Absolute spiritual abuse, as well as emotional, mental, psychological abuse also. Continue reading

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You do not have to forgive. If you choose to – it may be a long journey – Pete Walker

As per Pete Walker – a very gifted and insightful complex trauma survivor and therapist


“There has been a lot of shaming, dangerous and inaccurate “guidance” put out about forgiveness in the last few years, in both the recovery community and in transpersonal circles. Many survivors of dysfunctional families have been injured by the simplistic, black and white advice that decrees that they must embrace a position of being totally and permanently forgiving in order to recover.

Unfortunately, those who have taken the advice to forgive abuses that they have not fully grieved, abuses that are still occurring, and/or abuses so heinous they should and could never be forgiven, often find themselves getting nowhere in their recovery process. In fact, the possibility of attaining real feelings of forgiveness is usually lost when there is a premature, cognitive decision to forgive.

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Posters I have made, to help educate about complex trauma and child abuse.


sad child

To suggest no parent ever intentionally abuses their child, is completely wrong, and offensive to intelligent people. People will apply all manner of cognitively distorted thinking to abuse – rationalising, minimizing, avoidance, excuses etc. None are rational, none are wise.

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So deeply sad to know, I would probably have been better off in foster care.

It is a sad state of grieving, to know I would have probably been less abused and less neglected, had I been put into foster care. Yes, the foster care system is not always positive and abuse and neglect does occur. It is also traumatising for children to be removed from their family. And that is so sad for everyone who endures this.

But, I also need to acknowledge, I probably would have been better off, if this had happened to me.

Being the survivor of complex trauma and every kind of abuse, including being sexually exploited by my mother and step father, for their paedophile and sex offender friends, I may very well have been better off in foster care.

My mother is a narcissist and has sociopath traits and my step father was a sociopath, so the levels of emotional, mental and psychological abuse, were profound, severe and continuing. Throughout my entire childhood. And knowing it is your own parents who caused such severe intentional abuse, is worse than anyone else doing it. It causes such deep wounds, to know your own parents wanted you to suffer and continually made you suffer.

I don’t have a pre-trauma identity. Severe ongoing complex trauma and abuse, was occurring from my earliest memories and no doubt prior to that. Continue reading

When you realise you’ve been lied to about child abuse, that is not okay.

People don’t get convicted of child abuse, unless there is sufficient evidence. When someone’s own solicitor says to a client to plead guilty of a lessor charge – to avoid prison, there clearly is sufficient evidence. I was lied to about all this.

When there are so many known instances of lying about other people, and continual bizarre behaviours, continual self absorption, continual lack of self insight, continual blaming of everyone else, and never looking within at who is the issue – you know not to believe what you are being told about anything.

Unhealthy, toxic people, who lie – never tell you the full story. They only tell you what they want you to believe – that gains them sympathy and no accountability. They manipulate people, and easily. It’s always someone else’s fault. Never theirs. They can do ‘no wrong’. They reel you in to their webs of deceit and drama. As narcissistic people do. Continue reading

So thankful for another website review, by a licenced professional :)

I am so thankful for all the reviews professionals I have received, for my website & this blog.

Today Jane Plattner LCSW  http://janeplattner.com/- a therapist specialising in PTSD emailed me this review..

“As a licensed psychotherapist specializing in treating PTSD I have found this website to be a gem.  I refer clients to it and believe there is some great information on this website.

Jane Plattner, LCSW”
To know professionals refer their clients to my website, is significant.

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I validate how painful it is, to grieve a stolen childhood, filled with severe ongoing abuse, fear and neglect.



Pete Walker explains grieving childhood complex trauma, so well. Pete will always be a special person in my life, as he voiced words I needed to hear and had never heard from anyone else. I am so thankful he gave me permission to use his work, to help reach others.

Grieving childhood complex trauma, is a lifelong journey. Continue reading


8 Types Of Toxic Patterns In Mother-Daughter Relationships – Peg Streep, Psychology Today Article


This article focusses on emotional abuse, toxic and disordered mothers inflict on their daughters.

It is sad when you read through insightful articles, and realise you are ticking all the types of toxic behaviours and as you go down the list.

It is important the ‘parentification’ (role reversed) abuse, is highlighted as not commonly known or talked about. It is a deep form of neglect and abuse, rarely understood.

My mother is a deeply toxic, disordered, sick, unwell, intentionally abusive woman. And I have no guilt in saying that anymore. There were more abusive behaviours from my mother, than detailed in this article.

And it is needed to be understood – other types of abuse can cause even greater damage, like physical abuse and sexual abuse/sexual exploitation and often to far greater depths, because they are combined with this emotional abuse.

It is an act of self compassion and healing, to state and know the truth. As only then can you begin to truly heal and grieve. Continue reading

I have deep concen about young girls being sexualised. Because I care.

I’m blogging this right now, because I want to say something to someone I know and I can’t. It’s not my job to point out how a mother is sexualising her daughter and how unhealthy that is for her daughter, and society.

A school mother I know, has her 6 year old daughter in dance classes. And the usual issues of applying a load of makeup and having adult hairstyles, is how they need to look for competitions. I’ve just seen these photos being shared on Facebook for all to see and potentially get shared by God knows who. The photos are awful. Face full of makeup, hair glamorised, skimpy/revealing clothing. I really feel for her.

Six years old and being told she needs to wear makeup, to look ‘good enough’ to win a competition. God, it makes me feel nauseous.

Six year olds do not need to be wearing makeup and looking like an adult, for any reason.

(And yes, they do experiment as children, with adult clothing dress ups etc, but this should only be in the privacy of home. And I still believe 6, is far too young for makeup and should still not be skimpy, revealing, provocative type clothing).

I’m glad I’ve done my research to know I am right about how unhealthy this all is. Continue reading