I care about my children’s emotional health.
I care about my children’s developmental needs.
I care about the adults they will become.
I care whether my parenting models and teaches them all they need.
I care they know – what is on the inside matters, far more than anything on the outside. Continue reading
I was aware pre-schoolers have imaginary friends and that is absolutely normal. But when my 6 year old started talking about ‘Sidney’ – I decided to research if this was okay. Child psychology fascinates me, as well as adult psychology.
Apparently, school aged children with imaginary friends can be more in-tune with emotional needs and connected emotionally to their parents. I’m aware my 6 year old, is an old soul type, a deep thinker and mature for his age, as has been noted by his teachers. He was recently given another ‘excellence in behaviour’ award.
We’ve had lots of talks about Sidney, and I always validate Sidney exists and ask questions. I know what he what looks like (he eyes just like me my son explained) and he is a ‘sensible’ friend. I giggled when my son said Sidney was his sensible friend, because his friends in school were not sensible. They are silly.
I hear him chatting to Sidney, when he is playing Continue reading
Today, I put the Deep Heat on, swallowed some strong Ibuprofen to relieve pain in my back, and went out …. having some family time at one my boys favourite play areas “the wooden park” as they call it. It is also by the coast, so that’s nice too. It was good to get out the house and see the boys having fun ❤
My 6 year old ❤
The little sandy beach.
Interesting article https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201405/narcissistic-parents-psychological-effect-their-children
Always good to see professionals and experts confirming and validating just how damaging these personality disordered caregivers are and validating the profound effect their abuse has on their children and the adults they become.
From the article…
Because the narcissistic parent-child bond was so distorted and corrupt, the offspring as adults tend to gravitate toward drama-laden, roller-coaster relationships – especially with romantic partners.
Because they didn’t grow up with the belief that they were intrinsically okay and good, it makes perfect sense that these individuals would gravitate toward stormy romantic partners later.
These adults would feel like a fish out of water in a relationship with someone who loved them consistently, and the experience would be so unfamiliar that it would cause major anxiety. Continue reading
Reading this best seller, as I like his work I have read online so far. He understands personality disordered people well, and does not minimize the effects and harm caused to the victims.
He really understands all the different covert manipulation tactics like lying, gas-lighting, vilifying the victim etc.
I don’t have a lot of things I need and I do deserve. A decent family of origin, a trustworthy decent husband, a counsellor, support.
What I do have, is my children and Jesus. And I love them. And I know they love me.
I have a huge amount of grieving that I am still doing and the list got longer. And that is all normal and needed for someone who has lived my life.
I also have my children’s future, their growth, their happiness, their lives to help build and much love to give them.
I have Jesus and although I crave a human adult to love me and I know I don’t have that and probably never will, I do have Jesus’ love and I have to pray for Him to be all I need.
I’m going to make a sign, and put it by my bed. Like an affirmation I can read every morning – of my love for my children and Jesus and their love for me.
I will make it enough. And have gratitude for this.
My husband and I often take turns in the school runs. But, yesterday, I told my 6 year old, his dad and I would both pick him up. He was so delighted when we were both there.
This morning, he told me how much he loved both of us being there and asked could we always both pick him up and also take both take him to school in the mornings.
It was such a clear understanding of how much my children want us to all be together as a family…
I struggled to hold in the tears.
To think of us possibly splitting up, and then seeing my little 6 year old ask this very sweet request – that both his dad and mum be there for him….. well it hit me straight in my heart.
Tears are flowing just writing this.
Am I being selfish, considering us splitting up? Should I just tolerate the shit his father chooses to dish out to me, and just suck it up…… for my children’s sake – because they are more important?
Or, is my guilt about this all affecting my children, blurring my capacity to do what is right?
My mind changes on this hourly some days.
Hurts so much.
And then I am numb again.
Picked my son up from a bowling birthday party this arvo that was at a shopping centre, so we stopped in a little café and had some dinner early. It was really lovely, just the 3 of us. Relaxed and fun, my boys have fun characters and I encourage that in them.
We watched some teenagers getting into trouble, with security having to deal with them, so I used the opportunity to explain what is appropriate behaviour and what isn’t. And pointed out that they may come from homes where they don’t have good role models, so we don’t need to ‘hate on’ them, call them names etc (as their father would). But, be aware that their behaviour is wrong. Always good to use real life experiences, to teach them.
As we were laughing at something funny my eldest said, whilst walking through the shopping centre, I saw some people …. an elder and his wife – from the abusive Baptist church, sat at a café. I could see he was looking directly at me, and as I have no idea what his reaction and thoughts are …… I just walked on by, continuing to laugh with my son. I do not have to have interaction with abusive people, or people who condone abuse. I noted that my anxiety did not increase at all seeing them, which is good. I really know I am over all that trauma.
So, we got home and the three of us continued having fun and chatting and I know that I am a really vital part of their life, to teach them right from wrong, teach them how to have virtues and morals, how to behave around women, how to be respectful etc and all the things their father fails at and does not teach them, because he does not possess them.
I realised how much my children need me and how I always need to prioritise them above anything else.
When I made the choice to have children, I made the choice to care for them until they are adults and are able to care for themselves, and I will.
I really love my children.
And they need me.
I knew my 5 year old, would love the bunny – Flopsy and he has such fun playing with them. He chats away to them, using his imagination and playing so beautifully ❤
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This is how I found Flopsy the rabbit, and one of the fairy’s this morning …… talking to each other…… so cute!
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Mr wise ol’ Owl ….. and the pretty budgies ……… chillin’ in the fern basket 🙂
Decided I want my family to make use of the amazing brand new local library 🙂
Stunning brand new building, very lovely….. tea & coffee free…
Evening story time for the younger kids was great, a nice little group of about 10 kids – all cuddling up with their teddies etc…. so cute!
Lots of books, magazines, CD’s, DVD’s, toys to choose from to lend. Boys picked out books, and I picked up gardening magazines 🙂
Kids loved it, husband cool with it, and I loved it….. great family time, doing something healthy and fun! 🙂
Success!
To be repeated……. weekly 🙂
Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD 
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