Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Brainwashing and how common it is. As per neuroscience and psychology.


This is probably a book any person who is involved in religion should read. I also see how this could extend to all the New Age/pseudoscience followers too.

I see clearly how so many religious/new age people are brainwashed and don’t employ rational thinking.  I see it everywhere.

I am not a sheep and prefer rational thinking and dealing with reality. I choose not to be conned and manipulated and just follow along with anything that does not seem okay. Even though that would be the easier path. And having grown up around master manipulators, I’ve learned how to spot them, their traits and trust and consider my intuition.

I feel sad for people who get brainwashed, but I feel even more sad for those they harm. And of course, it is only those Continue reading


Find a church….. yeah…. not easy.

My hairdresser is a church goer. She’s a nice enough woman. Each time I attend my hair appointments, she asks me whether I am attending a church now. Each time, I say no. She is aware of the abuse I have endured at a toxic church. In her mind though, I am not a good enough Christian, if I don’t attend church. There is always that attitude – that I ‘should’ be in a church. And no matter how I approach that conversation – it is not ‘good enough’, that I don’t.

It is simply a case of stage 3 faith progression and no awareness of that. You don’t have attend church, to be a Christian. Many spiritually progressed Christians, don’t attend church.

I actually would like to be a part of a church community. I would like to know other Christians. But, I am unwilling to compromise my beliefs, or subject my children to abusive/unsafe/unhealthy/toxic doctrine/environments.

My list of what I will not compromise on are…

  1. They need to not be welcoming child sex offender/paedophiles. I am unapologetic in my belief that they are not to be trusted, and secure in my desire to keep my children safe from sexual abuse.
  2. Has strict child protection strategies in place for youth groups, children’s ministry.
  3. LGBTIQ welcoming. And not only welcoming, but accepting in every sense. No attitudes it is sin. I do not want my children subjected to any views contrary to this.
  4. Not fundamentalist, or right wing/conservative. As I see so much unhealthy, cognitively distorted thinking, I choose to avoid and not subject my children to.
  5. Not enabling/encouraging child abuse in the form of physical discipline. Which I know is abuse and is domestic violence.
  6. Don’t victimise victims further with more abuse – pushing forgiveness, reconciliation etc with abusive people and shaming the victims – as the ‘bad’ people, if they don’t.
  7. Must understand 1st Century Biblical context.
  8. Must be led by spiritually progressed leaders, who are not stuck at stage 3 in faith progression.

Continue reading

Supporting good people, often leads to abuse from toxic religious people. So be it.

It has been reported a gay priest has been booted out by the Vatican. Sure, they are meant to be celibate, but it is pretty clear where that toxic rule leads….. priests having sex and sadly also to abuse. (These are separate issues).

They keep paedophile priests in ministry, but not the gay ones. Wow.

It is interesting they are quick to boot out a priest for not remaining celibate and being gay…. but don’t boot out all the paedophile priests and those who protect and enable them. Continue reading

Churches welcome sex offenders/paedophiles, but abuse gay people. Calling being gay an abomination.

I will never understand the mindset of church people who believe in welcoming paedophiles, sex offenders into their churches – offering up children as potential ‘sacrificial lambs’ in the process. They tell people the paedophiles/sex offenders must be forgiven, must be believed if they claim they won’t offend again. Bible texts are thrown about, with ‘we must not judge’ ‘we are all sinners’ generalisations projected. Grace, mercy etc are twisted to suit.

But….. if you are gay, well ‘that’ is the abominable sin. The terrible sin. The sin supposedly destroying Christianity. As per church people’s twisted interpretation, out of context, of OT verses.

If you are gay, you are pretty much not welcome, you won’t be allowed into ministry, you will be told your sexual orientation is sin and you cannot get married. Regardless of your heart, character and how good you are as a person. Regardless of how kind, compassionate, decent you are…… doesn’t matter. You’re gay.

But, paedophiles, sex offenders….. they have apparently not committed the abominable sin, and their intentional, deliberate and vile abuse they choose to make innocent children endure….. that’s okay. That’s forgivable, immediately. No judgment of their heart or behaviours allowed. And those who do have an opinion on this, are then deemed wrong. And paedophiles/sex offender types, know this. Know they will be protected and use this fully to their advantage. Continue reading

Crying listening to Amazing Grace, while watching I Am Cait.

I’ve been watching the reality show ‘I Am Cait’, because I wanted to educate myself on the transgender community. To me education is required, otherwise opinions are just often ignorance and prejudice. As I see everywhere. I choose not to be ignorant. I choose to be educated.

I’ve enjoyed and found the series fascinating, and mostly due to the other transgender women and their stories.

The last episode had the song Amazing Grace at Caitlin’s name change service, led by a Christian women pastor.

Amazing Grace has been a highly emotional song for me, for decades. I cried listening to it again today.

Being transgender does not make someone a bad person, or weird, or a freak as they are often seen as. These women and men were lost and now they feel found in what they truly believe is their authentic selves. I am so deeply happy for them. I am glad they found themselves and have each other.

There is so much ignorance, stigma and prejudice about the transgender community. And all wrongly so. And I know God loves these souls, just in the same way as He loves me, my family and everyone else. Continue reading

I feel sad for Anna Duggar, but still more concerned for her children. The children are voiceless.


I agree with all of the above link. It is an intelligent assessment of the Duggar situation.

I agree with this….

“Although it is easy to judge Anna Duggar for her decision to stand by her man, it’s important to understand the psychology behind this imbalanced relationship. In Anna’s environment, victim-blaming and sexism seem to be just as powerful as the so-called Christian principles she’s following. Often, they go hand-in-hand.”

Victim blaming is rife in church circles and many other religions. I’ve written about that many times. But, this article doesn’t take into account the affect on their children. The increased threat of abuse and sexual abuse to their children. Most articles about the Duggars, don’t highlight the affect on their children. Continue reading


One of those overwhelming teary, spiritual Jesus situations happened today.

At the food bank I volunteer at, a guy has attended a few times. He’s a lovely guy, 6ft 10, openly gay and a drag queen. He’s got multi-coloured hair and I ensured each time I have seen him, that he feels very welcome. The first time I met this guy, there was something about him, that I knew was special. Now I know why.

Today, he opened up and spoke to myself and the chairperson of the food bank service (who is a former pastor who no longer attends church)… about his life. He was brought up in church, was a former worship leader and has spoken at Hillsong, but only because they did not know he is gay. He spoke about his work and all he does helping others. He then spoke about faith, his understanding of the Bible and how church people abuse it to hurt gay people. He spoke of the persecution he has endured, having Bipolar, but also the blessings and miracles that have also been a part of his journey.

Both myself and the chairperson (who understands not being a stage 3 faith person too), ensured he knew he was welcome, among friends and that we do not have the same issues many church people have with gay people.

Listening to his story was emotionally and spiritually huge and I felt such a blessing to speak with this man who ‘gets it’. Who spiritually gets it and understands Jesus’ love. Continue reading

Interesting chat with some Christians today.

At the food bank I volunteer at, there is a mixed group of people, some of whom are Christians, some are church people.

Had a really interesting chat today with two volunteers about spiritual progression, the damage caused by right wing, fundamentalist, hard line, shame/big stick led churches. And it was interesting to talk with people who also recognise the damage, abuse, spiritual abuse this causes, and how far from Jesus this is. And know about spiritual progression and how most churches are stage 3 led, and contained within stage 3 progression and why. Continue reading


What Does the Josh Duggar Dialogue Say to Assault Victims? A wise Christian Perspective

This is by Stephanie Tait – Christian

See here http://thejoyparadeblog.com/what-does-the-josh-duggar-dialogue-say-to-assault-victims/

When I started this blog, I had decided that I never wanted to write this post. Hot button topics? Politics? Debate? This was never going to be that sort of blog. There was enough internet commentary already, and mine wasn’t going to be that sort of place. And yet I’m sitting here in front of the screen, writing my first post back after a month long hiatus of sorts, and never in a million years did I expect THIS to be what I needed to write. But for the million and one blogs and articles dissecting the recent Duggar scandal from every angle and point of view, one was glaringly missing to me: and it’s the one I simply can’t allow to remain silent. Am I concerned about the potential loss of readership? Of course. But some things are simply too important to remain silent about. Someone has to speak up for those who can’t always speak for themselves.

So bear with me dear readers. I promise, this will not be a heated debate or rehashing of the same rhetoric you see all over social media and the blogsphere. If you would give me a few minutes and an open mind, I want to give some thought to the people who are being given the least attention right now in this whole sensational media explosion – the victims of sexual assault.

What exactly does our public dialogue about Josh Duggar say to victims: both his own victims, and all victims of sexual assault by a family member or friend? As I read post after post, status after tweet, and all manner of debate and discussion about what and who is to blame, I can’t help but read each of them through the eyes of assault victims. I see some common themes and phrases popping up repeatedly in response to the all out attack the Duggar family is supposedly facing right now, and I wonder how many people have really asked themselves what they are communicating to assault victims with their words? Let’s take a closer look at four of the more prevalent messages I’m seeing.

He sought forgiveness and repented, and became a great person, so why is everyone trying to destroy him over a past mistake?

A common theme to some of the defenses of Josh Duggar seem to be that he’s a good man, a family man, with a wife and kids who depend on him, and that coming after him is vindictive and cruel. There are many who would frame the dialogue to make Josh a victim in his own right: coming under fire from an out and out attack by the progressive left. Over and over I hear messages of sympathy for a man who’s built a wonderful life for himself and his family and is now being senselessly dragged through the mud when he’s already repented and apologized. But what does this dialogue say to victims of sexual assault, especially those who experience their pain at the hands of someone they know and quite possibly even love? The heartbreaking message we are sending them is that if your abuser apologizes and seeks your forgiveness, its unfair and purely vindictive to seek meaningful legal consequences for their actions. 

If Josh Duggar is being unfairly persecuted despite his apologies and remorse, what does that say to a young victim who is struggling to decide whether or not to potentially “ruin the life” of her family member by reporting them to authorities? How much harder is it for a victim to knowingly send a long time friend and mentor to jail when they are being bombarded with messages about how believing in the power of Gods forgiveness means accepting a heartfelt apology and not destroying the life of a “good person” over a “mistake.” It is difficult enough for many sexual assault victims to seek justice in their cases because they already struggle with the complexities of feeling both love and pain towards the same person in their abuser, so in adding this extra layer of confusion how many victims might we be ultimately silencing? How many will now tell themselves that the “right” thing to do is accept an apology and move on without justice?

“How can people call him a child molestor when he was just a child himself!” / “He was so young! It wasn’t a crime, it was teenage mischief!”

This has got to be one of the most damaging pieces of rhetoric I have seen making the rounds. Continue reading