No, I won’t just ‘look for those who are helping’, in Paris.

These terrible murders committed in Paris, have led to a lot of posts and quotes on social media.

One popular one, is a quote about ‘looking for the helpers’. Which I understand, but this is purely one of those ‘don’t focus on unpleasant things, and just focus on the nice stuff’ quotes. To make life easier.

I won’t do that, because the people who’s lives have been forever changed, those who are grieving and are traumatised – need people to NOT ignore them. They need people to stand with them, to know they are suffering and are traumatised. They need support. They need love. They need compassion. They do not need ignoring.

Reminding myself, there is no point in expectation of someone who lacks capacity for empathy.

When dealing with a journey with so much abuse and trauma, it is normal and appropriate to want those closest to us, to care about what we have endured. And offer kind words, when we need them. When they don’t, it’s hurtful (again normal emotions) and perpetuates the lifelong issues, of those we love not having any compassion or empathy, when we truly needed them to.

So, when dealing with people who clearly lack empathy (even if they don’t realise it), it is helpful to remember, not to expect empathy from someone who lacks capacity for it. Some people are very limited in their ability to see other people’s pain, have any empathy and it is always healthier, to not expect anything from them. Some people can’t even offer sympathy. And some turn every conversation, into being about themselves.

Expectation, of emotionally/EQ limited people, is a futile and emotional waste of time. That can, if you allow it, cause a lot of hurt. Because, they truly do not care. For whatever reason.

Attending a public demonstration/rally, against domestic violence this week.

There is a big demonstration/rally being held in Brisbane, QLD, this week, which I am attending. It’s a peaceful demonstration and speakers and politicians will be present. The state premier will be there.

I’m attending to show my support. I’m taking my husband (cop) and children too. I model pro-active compassion and being an active voice, showing support to those in need. My children will know why we are there, to an age appropriate level.

I have been asked a few times if I get paid to do my work. No, I don’t.

When I tell people I run a website, blog, social media etc, I get asked if I get paid for this. And asked why I bother, if it doesn’t earn me an income. No, I don’t get paid, at all. And I don’t do it for money. I do it because it’s needed, even though it can be unpleasant, emotional and challenging.

Like many out there who volunteer and work unpaid, I do it because people need help. People are struggling, need support, need education, need someone out there providing info that shows they ‘get it’, need compassion. I only aim to help with this in the small way I can. We can only make little ripples, only help a few or even one at a time, and that is all that is needed.

Twitter reminds me of all the many organisations helping abuse survivors.

Twitter reminds me of all the organisations and charities helping so many survivors of abuse and trauma.

It reminds me of the wonderful and compassionate people helping so many and the tireless and needed work all done collectively in this world to help abuse survivors, and especially child abuse survivors.

I am so thankful for them all, and each and every person involved!!

The kindness of strangers, was sometimes all I had.

I’ve sometimes received more kindness from strangers in my life, than from those known/close to me. In fact, there are times in my life where the kindness of strangers, is all the kindness I received.

I always smile at strangers. I may be the only person who smiles at them that day. And I know how that feels. I sometimes strike up conversations with strangers, depending on whether it feels safe.

I believe in helping strangers, not just those close to you. It’s why I volunteer and donate. I’ve donated all my adult life to charities, even when I couldn’t really afford to. I give things away to strangers, because they need help and may not have help or love anywhere else. I know how that feels. I help people online, even though I have no idea who they are.

I think when you’ve been someone who has known true absolute aloneness, known a horrific long term abusive captivity situation, where you have no connection to anyone except an abuser, you learn what true aloneness is. You understand the value of a smile and passing hello from a stranger. 

Compassion, is a verb…

Connecting with several domestic violence & homelessness charities/organisations, to provide my part in helping share with people in so much need. Donating non perishable items I purchase weekly.

I realise this, plus volunteering, answering emails for people reaching out who have suffered abuse, is enough. And I keep in mind much needed balance in my life too.

I understand the need for community. I understand helping others because ‘they’ need help – not for my own needs. I understand empathy for people enduring what I have not personally endured.

I understand modelling all this for my children and including them in conversation about this, to an age appropriate level.

I love Australia for many reasons, but I don’t love….

I was born here in this beautiful country of Australia. I love the weather, the outdoor lifestyle, the beauty of the land, and many other wonderful Australian delights.

What I do not love are the all too often overt prejudices (racism, homophobia, misogyny etc), I see flaunted continually. I do not like what is behind this – lack of empathy, lack of conscience, lack of compassion, narcissism, entitlement and really shallow thought processes.

I do not like the cruelty Australia is enabling to asylum seekers.

I do not like the deeply widespread issues of domestic violence and child abuse.

I do not like the so called Christians promoting/enabling/encouraging all this.

Australia is really stuck in a time warp. And I don’t have to like any of this, or ignore it, or avoid it. I’m not selfish and I don’t believe in apathy. I have too much integrity, empathy and courage for that.

Finding a ‘suspended coffee’ cafe.

I’m a big fan of ‘suspended coffee’ – where you can pre-purchase drinks, food etc for homeless people. I so thankful for cafe’s and restaurants etc, participating in this.

I’ve just come across one that is also a book café and serves nice, reasonably priced food too, looking at the website and facebook page. Will check it out after the school holidays and if the ambience is nice and the food/coffee good, it might become a favourite coffee stop.

🙂

A plan to help domestic violence survivors & help raise a positive profile of local police…

Where I live, the media has unfairly reported the (all) police don’t do as much as they can to help DV survivors, resulting in deaths. Of course this is an overgeneralisation of police. The police are constrained within the limitations of current legislation and resources available. It is that needing changing far more, than concern about police attitudes to DV.

So, I have been wanting to add to my homeless collections/donations of non perishable goods, and include domestic violence survivors. To help in the ways I am capable.

I am understanding of just how difficult it can be to leave a DV relationship and face all the many challenges and how hard it can be with children involved. The legal system is a nightmare, victims are often blamed/shamed, resources are limited, support can be scarce. Especially in this increasing society view of ‘minding your own business’ = only care about yourself and your own needs, lack of community and people not wanting to help others, lack of compassion.

I had an idea, of setting up a donations box at my husbands police station and co-ordinating with a local domestic violence shelter, to donate the items collected at regular intervals.