Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Not going to say too much, too soon, at the new counselling.

I am aware in order to figure out someone’s heart, soul, mind, attitude etc…. you have to get to know them. Only then can you ascertain a fuller picture of someone. I don’t intend giving away too much of my own psychology/PTSD/Complex PTSD understanding and insight, or talk about this blog, my website etc, too soon. Not because I want to keep that from the new psychologist, but because I want to get to know her and what she’s about.

I realise I need a very insightful, very mature, very experienced, honest person….. who has very rational thinking. And I will work out whether she does. Over time. And if she does have thinking different to mine Continue reading


Still receiving many emails. People sharing their journeys, resonating with mine.

 Two arms reaching together with sun.

Despite shutting down my Facebook page many months ago and taking an extended break from Twitter etc, I am still receiving many emails from people sharing their journeys and thanking me for my inspiring journey.

I am aware what an honour and blessing it is for so many people to contact me and feel I am someone they can share with. I am thankful my honest and raw writing and sharing, resonates with many.

My blog and website still have 100’s of views per day, and I see my posts, quotes and writing are still being shared continually. I realise this means my work continues to help people, even though I do far less now on social media.

I am thankful I can have better balance in my life, yet still be helping people. Still reaching people. Still giving some people hope.

I care about people who have suffered. Continue reading


Caught up with a friend I haven’t seen for over a year.

I withdrew from life a year ago and just needed to concentrate entirely on surviving my healing journey. I didn’t want to affect anyone with my journey. I was a mess and knew that.

One of my previous friends, is someone I really enjoy spending time with. She’s down to earth, honest, kind and caring, and I missed her.

So the other day, I sent her message. Not knowing how it would be received and I was delighted that she responded and said how much she missed me. Which was so lovely of her. She thought she had done something wrong, and I explained she absolutely had not done anything wrong at all, my withdrawal was due to me. She also said she had tried to contact me a while ago to see how I was doing.

We arranged to meet up and I bought her some flowers to apologise for my absence and not explaining myself fully before.

My friend was so happy to see me and we had big long hugs and she was delighted with the flowers. She also stated I didn’t need to apologise, she understood why I needed to withdraw. Bless her. Continue reading


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I subconsciously pick up on all cues. Including what people don’t say, and conflicting cues.

This quote is very me. I realise I learned this young. I am aware I have these skills to a greater depth than the average person, and I learned it to survive the first 20 years of my life. I accept this skill level and I accept other people don’t understand it.

Most people don’t understand what they haven’t experienced, or skills they do not personally have. I therefore understand, people will doubt my capacity for discernment. I’ve been told to trust it. But, most people don’t pick up on behaviours, cues in people beyond a shallow level, and remain ignorant of them, don’t pick up on red flags. And ignorance, is bliss, for many. Continue reading


First Father’s Day, where I feel competely okay.

I know there’s healing and progress, when I can get to gone 1pm, before I even think about how Father’s Day is not one I can celebrate with regard to my own father. I’ve always struggled with Mothers/Fathers Day. And rightly so.

I don’t have a father. I never did. And I’m okay with that now.

Had a lovely morning, making hubby feel special, opening gifts, then he spent time playing games, table tennis with our boys. Then we went for a walk at a local wetlands, and it was lovely. Had a picnic. Then stopped for some ice cream. Really lovely family time.

It’s there in my mind, hence this blog… that I am unable to celebrate Father’s Day myself. But, I am okay with this. I know that firstly I have my only needed Father – God, but not having an earthly father who loved me, is not a reflection of me in any way. It is simply a reflection of my mother’s deep and severe issues and the severely unhealthy people she chose to have children with. Which is all about her, and nothing to do with me. Continue reading


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“Those who don’t remember the past are condemned to repeat it”…

“Those who don’t remember the past are condemned to repeat it” – George Santayana.

I see this is very true in some people. Those who don’t remember, because either they were too young to remember, are too dissociated to remember, or are in plain denial.

The past – in childhood – affects who you are as an adult. Fact. I sadly see clearly the differences between myself and my siblings, who both fit all the above.

If you don’t remember, or choose not to remember, or just stay in denial, avoid, minimize, excuse abuse….. life is considered easier. And anyone who questions that coping strategy, will be vehemently attacked, called a liar.

Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

It is easier to attack the truth teller, the scapegoat, than face reality. It’s ‘safer’ for some people to stay in denial. And watch out anyone who threatens that. Healthy, strong boundaries are needed from such people.

It also baffles me, how people who were too young to know what was occurring, or were not even there, did not personally witness abuse ….can make such strong statements of the person being the liar. Continue reading


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Life is …. dare I say…. far more peaceful.

Overall, things are pretty peaceful. As far as peaceful goes in my life. I have times of grieving, but on the whole, it’s pretty calm, pretty peaceful, pretty okay.

I’m trying not to expect something shitty will come along and screw it up. I realise I am not used to this. So, it feels weird. Feels a little concerning…. I realise this is not healthy thoughts. This is based upon fear, and the good ole PTSD issues of expecting the worst to happen. Understandably, because a lot of ‘the worst has already happened’. I’m sure there is a more technical psychology term for this fear of more (bad shit) coming.  but right now I can’t remember it. And I can’t even be bothered to look it up.

Life has it’s usual issues occurring….. I still have PTSD symptoms, but they are managed. I am a parent…. of a teenager…. that is not easy, but I expect it to have it’s challenges. My husband is doing better on his medication and is easier to live with and I’m happy for him. People are still people and I still observe it all.

I have my children and our family life. I have some friends I spend time with. I have counselling and that seems better atm, since I spoke up about what I will and will not tolerate. I have my gardening. I have volunteering. It’s enough for me atm.

I’ve cut down on social media time and the less I put myself in situations where unhealthy issues/people occur, the more peaceful my life is.

Life is okay at the moment, and I hope it stays that way. Continue reading


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Boundaries, an important part of my healing journey.

Boundaries from unhealthy people, has been a much needed learning curve for me. You don’t learn healthy boundaries when raised in a highly dysfunctional, abusive home. Especially where both parents are abusive and had no healthy boundaries themselves.

It becomes ‘normal’ ‘familiar’ to be around toxic/unhealthy people and not have enough self respect and self worth to keep a healthy distance. It’s how people can get hurt/traumatised repeatedly and not understand why. Toxic people also sense soft boundaries and that causes further trauma occurring.

I’ve worked hard on my self worth, self respect, self care and boundaries. When they are tested, I see the improvement. I don’t allow toxic in my life anymore. I also don’t allow the toxic of others, to rent room in my head anymore. I don’t rise to the bait. I don’t allow the issues of others, to become about me. I leave it where it originated.

Testing situations can arise and in the past and even a few years ago, I would have ‘taken the bait’. Now I do not. It is a much needed act of self care, self compassion, self worth and self growth. Self control, impulse control having all increased. This also reduces emotions rising, when I can easily see these issues, are not about me.

In fact every person who has harmed me, had their own severe issues, that were never anything to do with me. If it wasn’t me they hurt, it would have been someone else. Continue reading


In the ‘ACT’ stage of my therapy. Reflections.

I’ve read a fair bit about Acceptance & Commitment Therapy – known as ACT, and I know I am in that stage of healing/therapy. This has become especially clear reading ‘The Happiness Trap’ book. The book is based upon ACT therapy and I see as I am reading through it, how I am well and truly in this stage.

I am still grieving. I have accepted my past in it’s full and painful entirety and how I can manage the consequences of it. I know I will grieve for a long time and it will lesson over time.

ACT therapy, as defined in this book, is to achieve 2 main goals.

  1. Effectively handle painful thoughts and emotions.
  2. Create a rich, full and meaningful life.

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I know my counsellor has stated several times recently, how I am able to discuss my past trauma and the timeline of events etc, in a really coherent way. This is due to my acceptance of my trauma history and having processed it to the point where I can speak about it coherently now and without emotions becoming overwhelming. I am able to more effectively manage painful thoughts, emotions, along with triggers etc.

I am working on creating a meaningful life, as this is important to me. My life is being shaped within the integrity of my core values, my integrity to what I feel is meaningful and removing what is not.  Continue reading