Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Current reading ‘The Happiness Trap’ – Dr Russ Harris


The Happiness Trap is based on the principles of ACT, a revolutionary new mindfulness-based model, developed from cutting-edge research in behavioural psychology. The aim of ACT is to maximise human potential for a rich and meaningful life, and a wealth of published scientific studies prove its effectiveness. So if you want to escape “the happiness trap” and find meaning and fulfillment in life, this book is for you.

(Note: this book steers well clear of popular but non-scientific approaches, such as ‘positive thinking’, ‘positive affirmations’ and ‘self-hypnosis’; although such techniques may make you feel good in the short term, they simply do not work in the long term.)

I am great believer in the single minded pursuit of happiness, being BS and makes society weaker. I see it clearly causes more problems, than it solves.

I’ve read many articles of how seeking happiness and ‘positive thinking’ may seem great, but they do not work long term. I see the shallowness of these concepts and the actual harm they cause. Continue reading


I am heading towards completely withdrawing from life.

I know I want to completely withdraw. Recently the attempts to reach out and be around people – as I am apparently supposed to do – have proven to be more hassle than it’s worth.

I’d like to move far away from where I currently live and escape the issues that continually arise. It really appeals to live near the beach, and just go there every day. Sit, with a book and just read, or walk along the sand. And keep away from people.

I am at the point of seriously considering closing down my website, this blog and everything else. Not for any other reason than that deep need to withdraw.

People don’t cut it for me. In many ways. Everywhere I look, I see issues. Cognitive distortions. Self serving opinions. A lack of empathy. People who choose not to ‘think’.

That old soul part of me – world wary & world weary, isolated, wants to spend increasing amounts of time alone and stay away from people. Continue reading

Asked my cop husband to look out for a transfer to move.

My husband is a cop and within the police force they are always looking for cops to transfer.

A while back there was an opportunity to transfer to the Whitsunday Islands, and I really wish we had considered it and applied for it. To be so close to those beautiful beaches and water, is amazing. I regret not considering this more. I think it would be an amazing place to raise children. Continue reading


Yesterday – really amazing & really horrible, all in one day. Self care a priority today.

Yesterday started really well. Amazing experience of talking with a lovely man at volunteering and hearing part of his powerful faith testimony. I was really emotional about this.

The day continued and I am sick, which was beginning yesterday. I know being physically sick with viral stuff, adds to the heavy load of illness. By the evening I had horrible sore throat, felt achy all over, back pain etc increasing, bad headache etc. I have the yucky viral stuff going around. Continue reading


It’s too painfully overwhelming, to know, feel & re-experience, all I have endured/suffered.

Sometimes, when I read how much trauma I have endured and all the many consequences of it… I wonder how the hell I am alive. I am reminded of my first counsellor saying ‘you are a walking miracle’.

It’s deeply overwhelming to know all the many types of trauma and the many types of abuse. And it being over decades. And worse, who caused them. And how intentional it all was. And the levels of suffering. So young too.

It’s more painful than I can express.

I am sat typing this, with a huge knot of fear within my chest, tears pouring down my face. Dissociation close and I can feel myself shutting down.

It’s too much. Too much trauma. Too much betrayal. Too much pain.

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Complex Trauma, Is Indeed, Very Complex


Reading a little of Christine Courtois’ book on Complex Trauma….. I have definitions of the trauma I have endured.

It’s pretty overwhelming.

But, it does help to realise just how severe and layered the overlapping and cumulative trauma all is. Continue reading

Current reading…. It’s Not You, It’s What Happened to You: Complex Trauma and Treatment – Christine Courtois

it's not you

I have heard Christine Courtois’s work is worth reading, and I am always wanting to keep learning and find out more about complex trauma, and how to heal.

Should this be a book I find helpful, it will go on my book recommendation list 🙂

Christine’s website is @ http://www.drchriscourtois.com/

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I’m pretty over certain groups calling themselves ‘hero’s’ – suggesting others are not.

Combat Vets and First Responders often like to call themselves hero’s, for surviving war/front line trauma, and having PTSD as a result.

This suggests people who have not survived those types of trauma, are not hero’s.

Severe child abuse, prolonged abuse, domestic violence survivors – have all survived horrendous trauma, which is like a war, only at home. It is front line trauma too.

So, in my opinion, they are all equally hero’s as well. Continue reading

After being ‘shamed’ within so much complex trauma, I don’t intend being shamed anymore.


I am repairing my sense of self, identity and all the shame I have endured over decades, at the hands and dark souls of too many people, since early childhood.

I realise how much shame I have been inflicted with. I don’t intend to be shamed any further. By anyone. As even my counsellor was told, this week.

Shame has been heaped on me throughout my life. I won’t allow it to happen any more. Continue reading