Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


The vilification of courageous people, who have integrity to deal with and expose abusers.

I am increasingly aware of this very unhealthy need so many have, of protecting those who cause harm, defending them, and attacking and vilifying those who take the courageous path of actually dealing with it and exposing it.

I’ve seen this play out in my own life too many times. Because I have integrity, honesty and courage. One example is an entire church treating me really badly, because I exposed an abusive pastor. My own doctor/counsellor confirmed I had been abused, due to what she herself witnessed at a mediation, as well as the other evidence. Plus confirmed the narcissism and immaturity of the pastor and his wife and how they in her opinion, should not be in ministry. But, it was easier for the weak sheep church people, to defend and protect the abuser pastor. This is a common occurrence in unhealthy churches. As is abuse.

People who have courage and integrity, often get treated badly by those who lack these virtues. It is a terrible human infliction many choose, to protect evil and defend it and lack any integrity and decency to do what is right. And of course, they rationalise this anyway they can, for their own self serving needs. I see that very clearly too.

I see all the harm being done to many who are courageously exposing abusers, paedophiles, sex offenders and the like. They get accused of having bad motivations for exposing them. Weak people will always wrongly turn this courage to expose, into being about revenge etc. When it isn’t. Disordered minds, are everywhere. Continue reading


Integrity… a path only the courageous take. It is a rare virtue.

Integrity, in the face of adversity, is a courageous path. And a path few are on. So, it can feel lonely. But, for those who choose honesty, empathy and integrity and a life of learning/growth, it is a choice that has to be made.

I see clearly more and more, how the ‘Road Less Travelled’ – is one few take, because it requires courage and deep honesty. Including about self. It’s easier to follow the crowd, in the wrong direction.

Integrity, combined with honesty and discernment, are rare. As has been explained to me and I see so clearly.

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Integrity3 Continue reading


Thankful for the support I receive, challenging popular and unwise thinking.

I am aware of the support I receive, including mental health professionals. And truly thankful. It helps me know I am on the right track. Which is important in a world, where so much bad advice is being given, that leads to more harm.

To have recognition and support from many mental health professionals, does make a difference. Especially when the support is offered for the posts I write that challenge the mass thinking society seems to follow along with.

It takes courage and integrity to challenge mass thinking. But, I do. Because I see the harm, the deeper issues and the bigger picture.

My integrity means I cannot agree with, condone or encourage unhealthy and harmful views and opinions.

So, I walk a walk in the opposite direction of many, and that’s okay.

People with integrity, depth of thought, empathy, often do. Continue reading


It is always a blessing to have people speak of my courage & being real.

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To have people confirm my thoughts/writing are courageous and are a ‘breath of fresh air’ and validating I ‘keep it real’, are a blessing.

I have heard this many times now, including from my counsellor. She confirmed my honesty, depth of thinking, capacity to self reflect etc, are “a breath of fresh air.” And rare.

I realise it is unusual to challenge current popular thinking, when there is a need to see it in a deeper, bigger picture, far more rational way.

I do challenge people, including esteemed mental health professionals. Not to be controversial – because Continue reading


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Tackled my fear of public speaking today…. at a gardening show :) I won a competition too ;-)

I attended an international gardening show today, with a friend. There were talks by well known people within the gardening and landscaping field.

We attended what I thought was a talk about floral displays. It turned out to be a competition, and a world renowned landscaper and winner of many awards, a reality show celebrity from a popular home show, and a floral designer, were 3 of the competitors.

They wanted a volunteer from the audience and my ‘friend’ volunteered me. So, very reluctantly, with anxiety rising fast, I got up and went up to the stage. With the 3 experts…

I’ve never done a floral display in my life, I have no idea what to do with the floral wiring etc. I had no idea what to do, except that the flowers and leaves, had to go in the foamy stuff… Apparently that stuff is called Oasis…. I know that now 😉

This was being recorded and photos were being taken, for media for the show :-O And I kept having a microphone put in front of me and asked to speak… :-O Continue reading


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A very courageous patient, who has experienced significant trauma. Validation still feels weird. Odd. Strange.

My doctor/counsellor copied me into a letter this week, sent to a hydro/physiotherapist. I needed to be referred regarding all these added physical illness issues I am experiencing.

The first line in the letter “(My name) is a very courageous patient attending our rooms with significant trauma in her past, and working through the issues surrounding this”.

That was pretty validating to read in both who I am as a person – ‘very courageous’ … and what I have experienced – ‘significant trauma’. And I realise the courage required to be ‘working through it’.

Despite the fact that I know this for myself…. it still impacts me when I see validation. No doubt because I have received so little from people in my life. From people who matter. Continue reading


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Most people don’t have the courage to have integrity to be honest, all the time.

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Honesty, and the capacity to be honest all the time, even under difficult situations, and situations where in the wrong, are not common.

Honesty is a virtue I truly treasure in people, because it is necessary, to be able to trust someone.

If you know someone lies, or distorts the truth, or gaslights, or fails to take ownership of their issues, wrongs……. then you can’t trust them. It is as simple as that.

All those covert behaviours – lying, lying by omission, telling half truths, gas lighting, manipulating the truth, failing to take ownership…. are narcissism, and I will spot these behaviours in people.

And I actually wish I didn’t spot this all the time. Because I see them often and it leads to a lack of trust and an awareness, this person is selfishly self motivated, and lacks the capacity for integrity and honesty.

It takes courage and the willingness to put someone’s else’s needs first, and inner strength, to be a really honest person.

And I know that the capacity for integrity to honesty, also creates negativity from others in their responses, as they do not want to deal in truth and reality.

I think it is really sad, that this quote, is true.

Continue reading


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Intellectually, I realise I am strong and courageous…. and one day I might know this emotionally.

Sometimes, when I sit and think about all the abuse I have endured, which is every type, to a severe level – sexual violence,  child sexual abuse, psychological, mental, emotional, physical, spiritual….. abuse since birth….. continuing for decades….

Endured several sociopaths, several narcissists, a sadistic psychopath and a paedophile, set up my own mother to be sexually abused as a child, scapegoating abuse – which is psychologically horrendous….two abusive marriages….the list is massive…

I do wonder how the hell I am still alive.

It makes me realise, just how strong I really am…… even though most of the time, I feel the opposite.

No-one could survive all that, and not be strong and courageous.

I must hold onto knowing this.

Plus I am decent person, who helps others, has empathy. I am not perfect, but I do have gifts and talents and I need to hold onto that.

I added my picture today, to my website, as an act of courage, because I refuse to be harmed by threats from the past, any longer. And I am not a fan of pictures of myself. But this one is okay.

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I do have the moral courage to disagree with people – about important issues.

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I do dare to disagree with people….. and I pick what is needed to be disagreed with.

People often don’t like it, which is their ego issues and I know to do this carefully, but for some the slightest disagreement of their beliefs, will cause them to react badly.

But, it is moral courage to disagree when the issue is an important one. Like abuse, child abuse.

I have learned to live with the rejection this creates and the skills on how to deal with people attacking, rejecting etc.

Spiritual courage is another I have, that many lack.


Absolute honesty, about how 2 years ago, I was spreading an irresponsible message, about PTSD.

This is my post to my page today……. and it is my hope it will inspire people to not only know there is healing that can be attained, but also that being honest about self, is needed.

I have the capacity to be very honest about myself, and own it when I fuck up and I will be very honest and up front about it.

Takes courage and humility, and I hope to show how this is needed.


I used to send a dangerous, irresponsible message about PTSD ~ as I see others are doing….

People who claim healing and recovering from severe PTSD, is not possible ……. send a terrible, irresponsible and incorrect message.

All they are doing is projecting their own stage of their journey ….. not looking at where others are at.

And they are hoping everyone else will agree….. to validate where they are at.

This is a dangerous message, and should not be a message anyone is spreading, at all.

PTSD is not completely curable ……

BUT …… it can be managed better over time and the symptoms reduced, and there is healing possible over time ……

With the right knowledge, the persistence to do all the coping strategies, and the desire to heal ……. and the willingness to actually do all this.

And the reason I know these dangerous messages are wrong, is because this is where I was at 2 years ago….

And 2 years ago …… ‘I’ was sending a terrible, irresponsible and incorrect message, which I actually deeply regret.

Only now ….. am I actually in a healthy enough position, to be a positive voice about PTSD.


Well this post was well received by most people, but there were a few page admins who were very pissed off that I wrote this.

And that led to poor behaviours, accusations, and needing to be banning of people on my page.

*sigh.

It is very clear that the more healthy I become, the more shit I get from unhealthy people.

It is also amazing that whenever I write these very honest posts, about where I have screwed up…….. other people can take them really badly and react really badly….

And I know why. It’s because they only want their dysfunction validated….. and anything that takes people to close to the truth about self……. causes them to act very badly. All narcissism.

But, the main thing is…….. most people really appreciated it and MH professionals were liking the post and agreeing and ‘that’ matters far more.