Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Bad behaviour is often defended as normal, to defend ego.

I have two children who could not be more different. Same gene pool, very different personalities. And I love them both and love both their personalities. My eldest son, is more challenging to parent and struggles with his behaviour management, more than his brother. And I am very honest about my children.

My younger son, is mature for his age and well behaved. And due to me raising my sons to love each other, they don’t fight much.

I’ve had my younger son described in a slightly irritated way, as ‘not a normal child’, because he is easy going, well behaved.

I could be offended by this, but I’m not, because I know it was only said, as a defence response from someone who’s children all fight. ‘That’ is deemed the only ‘normal’ behaviour for children. Which is not true. It was clearly perceived to the ego as a negative reflection about parenting capabilities. When it isn’t.

Instead of recognising my younger sons behaviour as a positive and a good thing, it is easier to deem him not normal. When in fact, he is very normal. Just well behaved normal. And it was very insensitive to suggest my son isn’t normal. But, there was no empathy or self awareness. Whereas, I never speak negatively about other people’s children, because I have sensitivity. I’m always nice, even if a child is having horrible behaviour.

My response, was to calmly state my younger sons behaviour is very normal and there is no one type of normal behaviour in children.

It made me realise just how much people defend negative behaviours and why. Continue reading