I have been through hell and I am not going to minimize that for the comfort of others. I need to deal with my past fully and yet there are obstacles to do that.
I am only too aware of the damage that suppressing and minimizing trauma causes. And yet I am still suppressing my emotions about the first 20 years of my life. I am suppressing them, and internalising it into depression, because I have no-one in my life who can help me deal with it. And I realise I cannot do that on my own.
I am aware I need to talk it through and express every bit of pain, hurt, anger, disgust, betrayal – with someone who is actually listening. Someone who does not invalidate and minimize that. Someone who doesn’t project their own opinions …. rejecting my thoughts, feelings and emotions in the process.
If I want to have sheer disgust at what was done to me and about those who enjoyed harming me – I will. Continue reading