Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Attending a public demonstration/rally, against domestic violence this week.

There is a big demonstration/rally being held in Brisbane, QLD, this week, which I am attending. It’s a peaceful demonstration and speakers and politicians will be present. The state premier will be there.

I’m attending to show my support. I’m taking my husband (cop) and children too. I model pro-active compassion and being an active voice, showing support to those in need. My children will know why we are there, to an age appropriate level. Continue reading


Not sure I agree with refusing a visa to Chris Brown.


Chris Brown the singer, has been refused a visa to come to Australia. This is based on his conviction of domestic violence in 2009. I understand the reasons for wanting to refuse a visa, and this a legally okay.

I also understand domestic violence is a huge topic in Australia atm. Good, so it needs to be. Australia has far too much DV occurring and too often it is condoned, enabled, excused and a lot of victim blaming occurs. I am not in any way okay with any of that. A lot needs to change in Australia, to stop the levels of abuse, violence etc occurring and stop victim blaming.

I believe domestic violence is wrong, not excusable and needs to be taken very seriously, as far too many women and children are dying and being murdered at the hands of those committing domestic violence/abuse. (And yes, women can be abusers too, but so far this year in Australia, all DV murders have been women and children – at the hands of men).

But, this situation with Chris Brown, as far I can see, is a one time abuse situation. I have no idea whether he is remorseful, and whether he has worked on ensuring he is no longer the angry younger man he admits he was. I don’t know where he is at in changing into a decent man, with better morals, better character traits and therefore, I will not assume he is not a better man now, than he was then.

This was a one time incident. Terrible one yes. But, from all I can see, he has not repeated it. Should he be punished for the rest of his life for this one time incident? I believe not. If this was repeated ongoing abuse and he was clearly an unrepentant man, my view would be very different. And I am a survivor of domestic violence/abuse, as my ex husband was an abusive alcoholic and gambling addict, so I do have a voice in this matter.

I have repeatedly stated in counselling, I know people can really fuck up and do things that are very wrong, and have remorse, have regret, have shame about what they have done and want to change for the better. I want people who do wrong and harm others to seek help, have remorse and change for the better. I don’t condemn them to a life of punishment Continue reading

A plan to help domestic violence survivors & help raise a positive profile of local police…

Where I live, the media has unfairly reported the (all) police don’t do as much as they can to help DV survivors, resulting in deaths. Of course this is an overgeneralisation of police. The police are constrained within the limitations of current legislation and resources available. It is that needing changing far more, than concern about police attitudes to DV.

So, I have been wanting to add to my homeless collections/donations of non perishable goods, and include domestic violence survivors. To help in the ways I am capable.

I am understanding of just how difficult it can be to leave a DV relationship and face all the many challenges and how hard it can be with children involved. The legal system is a nightmare, victims are often blamed/shamed, resources are limited, support can be scarce. Especially in this increasing society view of ‘minding your own business’ = only care about yourself and your own needs, lack of community and people not wanting to help others, lack of compassion.

I had an idea, of setting up a donations box at my husbands police station and co-ordinating with a local domestic violence shelter, to donate the items collected at regular intervals. Continue reading

Taking some baby items, to domestic violence survivors.

I saw a post to a local social media page ‘pay it forward’, where a woman was asking to be considered for a cot. She stated she is a DV survivor, has fled the abuse and set up home by herself, but has virtually nothing. And is 19 weeks pregnant and has a young child.

I have a lovely bassinet and change table, so I messaged her and offered her these. She messaged me back profusely thanking me for the offer, stating her friend is also a DV survivor and has a baby. She seemed very surprised by the kindness being offered to her.

I’m delivering them tomorrow, with my husband – as I don’t know these people. I can be compassionate….. and careful. Continue reading

I feel sad for Anna Duggar, but still more concerned for her children. The children are voiceless.


I agree with all of the above link. It is an intelligent assessment of the Duggar situation.

I agree with this….

“Although it is easy to judge Anna Duggar for her decision to stand by her man, it’s important to understand the psychology behind this imbalanced relationship. In Anna’s environment, victim-blaming and sexism seem to be just as powerful as the so-called Christian principles she’s following. Often, they go hand-in-hand.”

Victim blaming is rife in church circles and many other religions. I’ve written about that many times. But, this article doesn’t take into account the affect on their children. The increased threat of abuse and sexual abuse to their children. Most articles about the Duggars, don’t highlight the affect on their children. Continue reading

Apathy. Everywhere.


It’s been a really bad week where I live, for domestic violence. A child murdered. Another nearly murdered. Two women murdered. People are witnessing these deaths. Family’s are suffering. Police and first responders are dealing with all this. Many people traumatised and affected.

What never fails to shock me, is many people’s attitude to this.

Comments like ‘I don’t watch any news anymore’. Comments that show utter contempt for how this news is affecting ‘their’ lives. I mean how dare these victims be murdered and spoil other people’s lives… with this bad news…. How dare these people suffer and die….. and spoil other people’s lives….. Continue reading

Thank you Lisa Wilkinson, for speaking up about domestic abuse.


I’ve always known Lisa Wilkinson has a level of maturity I relate to. Her views on 50 Shades of Grey, were 100% spot on.

Domestic violence/domestic abuse, are far greater issue than the threat of terrorism. So many people are being terrorised in their own homes, by family/partners/ex partners every day. And there is nowhere near the outrage required over this. Or the empathy needed.

Most people ignore the domestic abuse/child abuse issue…. but will be outraged over animal cruelty, or the lessor threat of terrorism (lessor compared to deaths caused by DV). Continue reading

1 Comment

Children Who Suffer Early Trauma, Do Not Just ‘Get Over It’. Excellent article.


The terms ‘get over it’ and ‘move on’ etc are highly inappropriate, lacking in trauma knowledge, and re-traumatising. And this applies to a lot of trauma, but far more so for children who experience abuse, child abuse, child sexual abuse, domestic violence, etc.

The child’s brain is not fully formed, and the continual fear and trauma, programs a child’s brain for fear and this does not stop once the child becomes an adult.

If the child does not receive support, counselling etc, this will worsen the child’s prognosis for any recovery.

The child also does not have the same capacity to cope with trauma, as an adult. And cannot seek help the same way an adult can, especially when growing in toxic home.

This will impact any recovery in adulthood, especially if the prolonged child trauma survivor, does not seek help until decades later. Often suppressing the trauma, until later in life. As I did, and then having a breakdown.

I am glad to see greater research and understanding of this continually within the trauma/abuse field. Continue reading

Thankful to the charity ‘Womens Trust’ sharing my blogs posts.

The women’s charity – ‘Women’s Trust’ have a website and they feature blogs from social media, in order to help others. They have shared several of mine now, and I hope they help someone.

The one shared today, is my post about self care, healthy activities and emotional boundaries.


http://paper.li/womanstrust/1313733231?edition_id=df619bc0-1322-11e5-9c2b-0cc47a0d1605 Continue reading

Ethical men, don’t come into my life often……. but I am so thankful to those who do.

I don’t have experience with ethical men, due to always veering towards abusive, unethical men…

So when an ethical, empathic man comes into my life in any way, it is a shock…. and I am deeply thankful.

The very kind man who donated $585 to my book fund, is someone who wants ethical consumerism and also names and shames rogues/con men – which are basically sociopaths/psychopaths – who rip people off, with no remorse.

Neil Jenman has websites dedicated to this work ……. http://www.jenmanfightsback.com.au/ …… is one of them. And I see him and his wife are committed to this, which is wonderful.

Neil also has enemies – of course – because when people with ethics, have a strong voice within an unethical field, it creates a lot of enemies. But I truly thank people like Neil, who speak anyway.

And to know not only are his ethics in business strong, but he also hates bullying, abuse, domestic violence, is an added level of empathy that I have such gratitude for.

Ethics, empathy, a voice for those abused, charitable heart …….. I am not used to men with these qualities.

Continue reading