People can make the very wrong assumption and judgment, that because I educate and post about narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths……that I am just bitter, unforgiving and judging them.
I’ve had people say to me they think it is wrong that I post about people who abuse …and shame me for this.
If I hadn’t chosen to educate myself about people who cause abuse and harm……..I wouldn’t have learned what happened to me…..I wouldn’t have learned that it was 100% wrong and 100% the responsibility of the person causing the abuse.
Describing someone who is clearly a fully diagnosable psychopath, or narcissist etc – as exactly that…….isn’t wrong or judgment…..it is stating the truth and those who are at that end of the continuum, are always that person…..they aren’t e.g. a non psychopath sometimes, and then a psychopath other times…….that is s very immature attitude to believe.
I don’t describe everyone who has hurt me, as a fully diagnosable ‘insert personality disorder’.
But the ones I know were/are…..I will.
And the others as sociopathic….narcissistic.
That is not labelling…….it is a fact.
It is their personality that is so deeply entrenched within them, along with a lack of empathy, lack of conscience, lack of remorse, lack of willingness to be anything else……that it consumes their entire being, and every action, every thought, every behaviour.
When they are appearing to be decent, or kind…..it is fake, non genuine and only for manipulative and self serving needs……and this façade and fake persona they can easily adopt……even fools many mental health professionals.
I don’t encourage hatred, or retaliation, revenge, wishing bad on others….at all.
By learning all I have myself…….and I didn’t lean any of this in counselling…….I learned it all by my own education of myself about psychology…..
I have been able to start to deal with the deeper aspects of the damage they made decisions to cause.
Like why I was the family scapegoat.
Why my mother allowed me to be abused.
Why no-one cared about the abuse.
Why I had certain behaviours…….to survive all this abuse.
Why they can’t own what they have done….so to not hold out hope they will.
Why none of what happened was my shame, guilt or blame……but why they projected all their shame, guilt and blame onto me and how to start healing those wounds.
Why so many people are duped by these master manipulators/liars.
Why society knows little about all this and so victims get little support.
I know you cannot heal unless you know all this, so I am thankful I can take the more courageous road of learning, educating myself, and dealing with it all, no matter how painful…
And in sharing my journey, I have helped 1000’s of others in their journey too.
There’s not many Christians out there willing to open about abuse and who causes it and why………they get hung up on this false belief that we must not say anything ‘bad’ about people…….because we are all sinners.
But, it is very much needed to educate self and others about all this.
I don’t take the more comfortable path many church people will take and ignore most of it and just ‘forgive’ and show cheap grace.
I have had people criticise me for this and suggest that no contact with my mother etc is wrong.
Well, I don’t live in denial or a positive illusion If they need to have that, it is their own self serving issues.
But I will tell then they are very wrong and unwise,..to suggest what I do, is not okay, or needed.
I remind people…….the truth is what sets you free.
Not denial, or minimizing the harm some cause, or pretending they are nice/decent when they aren’t.
Education is needed and if you shame people, for becoming educated and embracing truth..with all the deep courage required for this……………then I suggest you take a good look inside your own heart and soul.
This last one, was created, to address how not everyone will understand our journey, because it takes empathy and wisdom, and that is not something most people have. I stopped expecting everyone to understand, and my life became easier for it. I can’t understand how it feels to be a cancer patient, because I have not endured it, so I understand this also relates to complex trauma.
I don’t want to be someone who only deals with abuse and PTSD re-actively…
Not that I am in any way minimizing the need for that……I am in counselling to re-actively deal with much trauma and abuse I have already endured and there will always be abuse and PTSD, so this is needed.
But, the smart way to deal with the bigger picture of abuse and PTSD, is to educate.
And to educate the average person on the street, you have to educate in a way they will relate…..not psychology books, written with loads of medical and psychiatric jargon that gives me headache to have to try and decipher….
People need to be able to easily understand and relate.
I tried to explain in counselling, why I choose to attempt to educate people about the traits within abusive people, that harm others.
I do this, because I know education is needed and is the only way to help reduce abuse….and not just re-actively deal with victims and mental health issues, afterwards.
I think many counsellors, and those in the mental health arena, do just focus on dealing with re-active work. It’s like they come to an acceptance and apathetic state of knowing harm occurs, and just deal with the victims afterwards. And don’t want to talk about ‘bad’ people, especially if they are Christians and just seem to want to accept people for what they are, no matter how much harm they cause others.
I don’t want to become that person.
Yes, I want to help victims/survivors of abuse, but I want to also try to help educate people, so they can be hurt less. Pro-active work, as well.
Because, I know the effects of such devastating harm/abuse. And I had no-one ever to step in and let me know what was going on. No-one.
Because I had no-one say to me my mother is a narcissist/sociopathic person, so I suffered for decades.
Because I had no-one tell me that sexual abused children, often go on to harm themselves more, by being drawn to more narcissistic/sociopathic people, so I got hurt more.
No-one educated me, or helped me,
or let me know what was really going on.
So, I got harmed, abused and suffered,
repeatedly, over 4 decades,
and it is devastating.
And now I am having to deal with
it all, re-actively.
I so wish someone had helped me,