A well balanced childhood, is my aim for my children.

Today has been one of those days, where I feel like I am actually really achieving what I aim for, as a mother.

My husband is on nights, and needing to sleep in the day. So, I take my boys out if I can, to help keep some quiet at home.

We went to the shops, and I treated my boys to a donut and milkshake treat. And that is a treat for my boys, because on a limited income, even that is not cheap. So my boys are learning not to expect and demand luxury’s and treats, as a frequent and expected right. They know treats, are treats. I aim for my children not to have an entitled attitude.

While at the shops, we also scouted around for cheap items we could buy, to put in the care packages I am now involved in, for homeless people. A local organisation are helping homeless in my area, and they collect many items donated. It is such a worthwhile local community initiative and I want my boys to be aware of what I am doing and to take part. So I had them checking out the shelves in the shops for anything that might be useful we could add the packages. And they enjoy it, so it’s a really great positive learning and growth experience for them. I want my children to grow thinking of those outside of their own lives. And have a heart to help those in need and a community spirit.

Most people, just don’t have the level of empathy needed.

A post to my page, on why I realise most people will not have the empathy level required for severe complex trauma survivors.

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Not everyone has the empathy we need…..

There is something I have learned, and I have to keep reminding myself…….. many people will not have the empathy capacity needed ….. to understand complex trauma survivors.

They just can’t understand what we have endured, what we still endure, or the level of pain and suffering.…

Most people only know/understand ….. what ‘they’ know and have experienced, and nothing more.

Even many short lived/one time abuse victims, don’t have the empathy capacity to understand complex trauma and the profound affects of prolonged severe multiple abuse, and the different and deeper consequences this causes, especially when caused to children.

The healthier I become, the more rejection & grief I will receive from dysfunctional people…

I have already noticed this.

I’ve noticed that many pages, whether they be about abuse, about mental health, about ‘positive’ thinking, the self professed guru types …. etc…. run by unhealthy, dysfunctional people……… they receive a lot of support.

Which is actually really sad.

I see clearly how the majority of society – is so unhealthy – and so will veer towards the unhealthy stuff like;

‘Wanting karma’ – revenge is sweet/good crowd’ ….. or

‘Being a bitch is fine…… speak your mind – no matter how much it hurts anyone – crowd’ ……. or

‘Be proud of your dysfunctional mental health – but not want/choose to heal, grow, mature – crowd’……. or

‘You are freakin’ amazing, awesome, perfect, never change’ – ego tripping crowd’ …. or

‘Lets be really un-empathic and shitty and tell people ‘you are acting the victim, stop being a drama queen!’ – crowd’…. or

‘I have a big fat ego and I think I am a god, guru and I will put myself up on my own pedestal – crowd’…. or

‘I will tell people what they ‘want’ to hear……. to make money out of people’ – crowd…

There are more…… many more…. and combinations of these…….

All of which is dysfunction….. unhealthy…….. and not remotely wise.

But it appeals to so many.

And whilst I have empathy for all of this…… and completely see the poor mental health within it all……. and see how unhealthy and dysfunctional it all is……. and how it is promoting society to be unhealthy….. and don’t want this for anyone…. because I want better for this for everyone….

I accept it is not my responsibility….. to deal with it all.

So, I am systematically un-liking all these pages – that promote anything unhealthy and dysfunctional.

Because quite frankly, I don’t want to see it, and see all the unwise rubbish and dysfunction they are enabling, condoning and increasing.

I will just do what I do, put out there what I can, balance my life as I do far more now…… and know that…

“Wisdom & Truth

are never as appealing

as Dysfunction & Lies”

….. and accept that is what people are choosing and that is their issues to deal with..

But, be secure in myself & my integrity, that I will not be someone who condones, enables and encourages dysfunction, and lies.

I know I’m on the right track…..when what I write, helps people to think.

I wrote this post and shared it onto my healing page……because it is an area of my own healing I have needed to face and work through…

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One real sign of emotional intelligence……is being able to hear criticism and not get upset and react from a place of hurt.

And not just immediately dismissing it.

That’s the ‘hurt defensive ego’ reaction.

EQ, is about hearing the criticism, discerning the heart/soul giving the criticism, thinking whether there is any merit and validity and if there is, accepting that with maturity and honesty and then choosing to grow from it.

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I know I have achieved what I set out to do…..when I receive comments like this in response.

“Your posts always make me think 🙂 thank you”

I don’t expect or insist anyone agree with me….

But, if I help people to think…. that is only ever a good thing.

‘Real’…takes far more courage, honesty and humility….

The ego isn’t trying to ‘see’ something, the ego is trying to ‘be’ something.

This is why society loves labels……..amazing, incredible, awesome, survivor, trail blazer, author……….etc. All labels I have been given by others and some I have applied to myself in the past.

Labels, are about ego and insecurity and conforming the society’s immaturity.

Inner security, doesn’t need labels. And labels rarely describe who we really are – the whole of who we are.

Many labels are grandiose statements, because you know…….awesome, incredible, I am not. I am not deluded or deceived by this societal need to be grandiose, to encourage ego.

I am someone who always wants to ‘keep it real’.

This has been part of my healing, growth, to know this.

It was a while before I could get my head around this, I stamped my feet and pouted about this for a while……but, I got there.

Takes insight and honesty, and humility, and a willingness to grow, to understand this.

The bigger the ego….the less likelihood of ever choosing to have self insight.