Being ‘religious’ has a negative effect on children’s EQ.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/nov/06/religious-children-less-altruistic-secular-kids-study?CMP=soc_567

This study and it’s conclusions, doesn’t surprise me at all. The reason why – many adult religious people are uncaring, judgmental and lack empathy and that then clearly impacts the children they raise.

Two examples spring to mind, that many religious people hold onto with all their lack of empathy.

1. Physical discipline – which is child abuse and domestic violence. Hardly conducive to raising caring children, at all. Children learn what are modelled and shown. If abused, they will often learn to be the same. Religious mind control demands that.
2. Abusing LGBTIQ – in demanding it is sin, when it isn’t. Plus all the abuse that follows that. Hardly empathy, or compassion.

Both of these alone, are the issues of many religious church people. Absolute spiritual abuse, as well as emotional, mental, psychological abuse also.

More to Einstein, than I realised.

I don’t watch much TV, but the little I watch, are programs I can learn from. Programs about things that matter that I don’t know much about, biography type programs – as I like to learn about interesting people.

I watched a program today about Einstein. I didn’t know he was into activism for peace. Or many other things about his life. I find him fascinating due to his intelligence, but also his human-ness. He had an emotional depth – an uncommon combination in such extraordinary high IQ people.

I’m reading through ‘The World As I See It’ – Albert Einstein. It’s a challenge, as it is mostly about things I know nothing about. But, the needed human-ness of empathy, thoughtfulness and discernment about humanity – I cherish in people, is there and I see that.

Integrity… a path only the courageous take. It is a rare virtue.

Integrity, in the face of adversity, is a courageous path. And a path few are on. So, it can feel lonely. But, for those who choose honesty, empathy and integrity and a life of learning/growth, it is a choice that has to be made.

I see clearly more and more, how the ‘Road Less Travelled’ – is one few take, because it requires courage and deep honesty. Including about self. It’s easier to follow the crowd, in the wrong direction.

Integrity, combined with honesty and discernment, are rare. As has been explained to me and I see so clearly.

The ego, is a pesky critter, that prevents learning, growth, maturity.

I see so clearly how many people are unteachable and have egos that need to be protected at all costs. They cannot face being ‘wrong’ and as such do not learn, grow or mature, until they face this issue.

Most adults think they know it all and whatever they are thinking, however they are behaving, must be okay. Little self reflection, little self honesty, little humility.

And this is why I feel like I am often with children/teenagers, in adult bodies. And that ego state, continues on, throughout adulthood for many people. I also see a lot of hurt inner children, walking around in adult bodies. Acting in bizarre ways, that reflect their inner pain, they often then project onto others.

Reminding myself, there is no point in expectation of someone who lacks capacity for empathy.

When dealing with a journey with so much abuse and trauma, it is normal and appropriate to want those closest to us, to care about what we have endured. And offer kind words, when we need them. When they don’t, it’s hurtful (again normal emotions) and perpetuates the lifelong issues, of those we love not having any compassion or empathy, when we truly needed them to.

So, when dealing with people who clearly lack empathy (even if they don’t realise it), it is helpful to remember, not to expect empathy from someone who lacks capacity for it. Some people are very limited in their ability to see other people’s pain, have any empathy and it is always healthier, to not expect anything from them. Some people can’t even offer sympathy. And some turn every conversation, into being about themselves.

Expectation, of emotionally/EQ limited people, is a futile and emotional waste of time. That can, if you allow it, cause a lot of hurt. Because, they truly do not care. For whatever reason.

I know I’m on the right track…..when what I write, helps people to think.

I wrote this post and shared it onto my healing page……because it is an area of my own healing I have needed to face and work through…

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One real sign of emotional intelligence……is being able to hear criticism and not get upset and react from a place of hurt.

And not just immediately dismissing it.

That’s the ‘hurt defensive ego’ reaction.

EQ, is about hearing the criticism, discerning the heart/soul giving the criticism, thinking whether there is any merit and validity and if there is, accepting that with maturity and honesty and then choosing to grow from it.

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I know I have achieved what I set out to do…..when I receive comments like this in response.

“Your posts always make me think 🙂 thank you”

I don’t expect or insist anyone agree with me….

But, if I help people to think…. that is only ever a good thing.

The immaturity of normalising and humourising unhealthy behaviours in adults.

We do need to experience negative emotions, but society is all about ‘happiness is everything’.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/11/why-negative-emotions-good_n_6107708.html?cps=gravity

Between the books, seminars and blogs, the study of how to make a happy life is practically its own genre. But does all of this happiness-chasing actually work?

The sense that one should always feel good, psychologist Todd Kardashan told The Huffington Post, is toxic. Some research suggests that Americans are actually getting less happy as the years go by. And according to Kardashan, it’s our relentless pursuit of happiness that may be steering us in the wrong direction.

But given the culture of positivity around happiness research and writing, it’s easy to forget that “bad” feelings are healthy and indeed essential to taking part in the full emotional spectrum of the human experience. “The science is very clear that when we try to conceal the distress we feel, we are less productive and less effective, and we end up feeling emotionally worse,” Kardashan said.

 

And in his new book, The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self — Not Just Your ‘Good’ Self — Drives Success And Fulfillment, co-authored by Robert Biswas-Diener, Kardashan advocates feeling bad.

He believes that this single-minded pursuit of happiness is part and parcel with a strong tendency to seek comfort and avoid discomfort of any kind and that, he argues in his book, is making us psychologically weak.

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I agree. Fully.

Glad my own insight, is validated by others, with wisdom.