Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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A paedophile, protesting his innocence, despite taking a guilty plea, much evidence to show his guilt & failing a lie detector.

**Trigger warning.

Watching Dr. Phil and a grandfather who was accused of touching his grandson’s genitals for sexual gratification, and took a guilty plea, registered as a sex offender etc….. still claiming he is innocent. And his wife supporting him, claiming she ‘knows’ he is innocent.

The grandfather got nasty about his daughter – the mother of the victim. Even going as far as to say his daughter was responsible for the death of her husband who had died. Disgusting, sociopathic, nasty, defensive behaviour, about his own daughter. Dr. Phil pointed out clearly he had reviewed the case about the daughter’s husband and in no way was she involved. And told him what he thought about this attack on his daughter and how nasty, malicious and mean this was.

This predator kept on claiming his innocence, his wife kept on defending him, even though in the plea he admitted to two counts of sexual abuse against his 5 year old grandson. Choosing her husband, over her daughter and grandson. A forensic psychologist stated he reviewed the grandson’s video where he confirmed to police the abuse he endured in great detail and throughout the little boy sustained the details and there was no way he could have been coached to make false allegations.

The lie detector test was done and he failed it, on both questions.

Yet, he still kept claiming his innocence. Continue reading


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My past haunts me, night and day.

The nightmares are worse again. The intrusive memories about the worst abuse, suicide attempts etc…. never stop.

I feel like the evil they inflicted is within me, and won’t leave. Knowing I have loved evil people, doesn’t help. There is something so disgusting in having loved evil people. It makes me hate myself and feel self loathing, I cannot stop feeling. Continue reading


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Good to see some Christians call evil for what it is, and define the traits.

http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/spiritual-life/5-indicators-of-an-evil-and-wicked-heart.html

I am really emotional reading this, as it completely validates everything I have been saying and everything I have seen and know.

by Leslie Vernick

As Christian counselors, pastors and people helpers we often have a hard time discerning between an evil heart and an ordinary sinner who messes up, who isn’t perfect, and full of weakness and sin.

I think one of the reasons we don’t “see” evil is because we find it so difficult to believe that evil individuals actually exist. We can’t imagine someone deceiving us with no conscience, hurting others with no remorse, spinning outrageous fabrications to ruin someone’s reputation, or pretending he or she is spiritually committed yet has no fear of God before his or her eyes.

The Bible clearly tells us that among God’s people there are wolves that wear sheep’s clothing (Jeremiah 23:14; Titus 1:10; Revelations 2:2). It’s true that every human heart is inclined toward sin (Romans 3:23), and that includes evil (Genesis 8:21; James 1:4). We all miss God’ mark of moral perfection. However, most ordinary sinners do not happily indulge evil urges, nor do we feel good about having them. We feel ashamed and guilty, rightly so (Romans 7:19–21). These things are not true of the evil heart.

Below are five indicators that you may be dealing with an evil heart rather than an ordinary sinful heart.  If so, it requires a radically different treatment approach.

1. Evil hearts are experts at creating confusion and contention.

They twist the facts, mislead, lie, avoid taking responsibility, deny reality, make up stories, and withhold information. (Psalms 5:8; 10:7; 58:3; 109:2–5; 140:2; Proverbs 6:13,14; 6:18,19; 12:13; 16:20; 16:27, 28; 30:14; Job 15:35; Jeremiah 18:18; Nehemiah 6:8; Micah 2:1; Matthew 12:34,35; Acts 6:11–13; 2 Peter 3:16)

2. Evil hearts are experts at fooling others with their smooth speech and flattering words.

But if you look at the fruit of their lives or the follow through of their words, you will find no real evidence of godly growth or change. It’s all smoke and mirrors. (Psalms 50:19; 52:2,3; 57:4; 59:7; 101:7; Proverbs 12:5; 26:23–26; 26:28; Job 20:12; Jeremiah 12:6; Matthew 26:59; Acts 6:11–13; Romans 16:17,18; 2 Corinthians 11:13,14; 2 Timothy 3:2–5; 3:13; Titus 1:10,16).

3. Evil hearts crave and demand control, and their highest authority is their own self-reference.

They reject feedback, real accountability, and make up their own rules to live by. They use Scripture to their own advantage but ignore and reject passages that might require self-correction and repentance. (Romans 2:8; Psalms 10; 36:1–4; 50:16–22; 54:5,6; 73:6–9; Proverbs 21:24; Jude 1:8–16).

4. Evil hearts play on the sympathies of good-willed people, often trumping the grace card.

They demand mercy but give none themselves. They demand warmth, forgiveness, and intimacy from those they have harmed with no empathy for the pain they have caused and no real intention of making amends or working hard to rebuild broken trust. (Proverbs 21:10; 1 Peter 2:16; Jude 1:4).

5. Evil hearts have no conscience, no remorse.

They do not struggle against sin or evil—they delight in it—all the while masquerading as someone of noble character. (Proverbs 2:14–15; 10:23; 12:10; 21:27,29; Isaiah 32:6; Romans 1:30; 2 Corinthians 11:13–15)

If you are working with someone who exhibits these characteristics, it’s important that you confront them head on. You must name evil for what it is. The longer you try to reason with them or show mercy towards them, the more you, as the Christian counselor, will become a pawn in his or her game.

They want you to believe that: Continue reading


How can anyone ever say Peter Gerard Skully – is a ‘human being’. He isn’t, he’s an evil monster.

I can’t understand how people can call these types of monsters ‘human beings’.

I’m aware many will say, that as a Christian, I am meant to have ‘compassion, mercy and grace’ for everyone…… but I cannot and will not have any positive or even neutral emotions or views for someone willingly committing such acts of evil and torture to children.

This man needs to be in prison for the rest of his life and never released.

Anyone who gets fooled into believing someone this evil and depraved, can be rehabilitated, and should be released in the future if he claims to have remorse, is sadly very very deceived.

This is pure evil. This is not a human being. Living, walking, talking, breathing evil.

And for anyone who wants to say differently – where is your empathy for the severe suffering these children have endured, and maybe you need to ask these children whether they think he is a monster.

I can fully see these children have suffered far more than anything I have endured, and that to enjoy that level of evil, makes you a monster and to say any differently is to completely invalidate and minimize what these children endured, and for the ones still alive – what they still endure.

He shows no genuine remorse, no empathy and shows all the classic signs of being a psychopath with it. No emotions in his face when confronted with his heinous crimes.

One of these children tortured and raped, was 18 months old.

I have no doubt there will be people, like my counsellor, who will claim this man is hurting and in pain inside, as much as the torture and suffering he chooses to make children endure. Bullshit. He enjoys every second of it and that is why he is pure evil.

http://www.9news.com.au/national/2015/03/15/06/03/melbourne-man-awaiting-trial-for-sex-crimes-in-the-philippines

Last month Philippines police uncovered the body of a 12-year-old girl underneath a house in Malaybalay, Bukidnon which was once rented by the Melbourne man.

Police said Scully’s former partner told them he had accidently killed one of his victims in 2013 and buried her under the building in a desperate effort to hide his growing and lucrative pay-per-view child sex business.

Scully is accused of kidnapping and sexually abusing numerous children, as well as allegedly filming the activities and distributing the footage to pedophiles on the internet.

Continue reading


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I am not sugar coating what I endured……..for the needs of others.

I see how it is easier to view someone like a sadistic, violent, sexual psychopath…….as a person, as humane and not have negative emotions attached to people like this…….if you haven’t endured one.

That lack of understanding what they are capable of and to feel the pain they inflict……enables people to view them differently.

I have to remember that.

Limited understanding………limited life experiences……..do make it much easier to view people in a pleasant and positive way.

But, I am not sugar coating what they are………for the needs of others.

sugar coated

I am too real and too honest for that.

Yes, they are very damaged people, have issues with brain wiring etc…….I understand that.

But, the suffering they inflict……is horrific and I am not going to minimize that for the needs of others.


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People who can’t see straight through these mega-churches and TV evangelists….

So many people lap up the false teachings of people like Joyce Meyer, Mark Driscoll, Hillsong…….yet I can see straight through them, to their real motives and ‘who’ is really driving them……..and it isn’t Jesus.

I only read one of Joyce Meyers books…….and I was so excited to read it – as her on stage charisma is strong…..and 3/4’s of the way through the book, I knew this was not okay, or right, or what Jesus wanted me to be taking in. And I’ve had that discernment validated.

I’ve seen a few of Hillsong’s ‘messages’ and knew immediately this was not Godly, and nor was all the hype they promote for their music ‘industry’ and their sinfully interpreted prosperity message. It didn’t surprise me to read Hillsong was founded by a paedophile, and his abuse was covered up.

Mark Driscoll, well I had my doubts about him from the start……..and I know exactly what he is.

There are 1000’s of people who claim to be Christians, being taken in by these false teachers…….which shows how little discernment, how little maturity of faith so many have.

And the human sinful need to go with the flow of the popular and yet false messages of many. And the reason they are popular……..is because they suit sinful needs.

The devil doesn’t come dressed

in a red cape with pointy horns….

He comes looking like everything

you want him to be,

caters to all your desires

& all too often speaks from the pulpits

of many willingly sinful flocks. 

Continue reading


I find it so sad how much evilness is glorified by society.

Some of the biggest selling books/movies….

Harry Potter series….

Twilight series……

50 Shades of Grey trilogy…

One of biggest movie series ever – James Bond – a psychopath killing people with no remorse.

Horror movies – so many love them.

All based upon glorifying and enjoying evil.

Halloween, used to glorify and indulge in evil.

I know most people will say this is all just a bit of fun.

Well they can delude themselves with that if they wish…..but I see the bigger, deeper picture.

And I don’t think this makes people bad people, but they just don’t realise what they are doing.

I don’t celebrate or worship evil spirits or

promote darkness and wickedness.

I’ve come face to face with evil and I know it is not something to be celebrating or excusing as a ‘bit of fun’.

It is evil laughing and rubbing his hands together in glee.


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I should avoid Facebook over halloween.

I do realise most people celebrate Halloween as a bit of fun, to dress up etc. I also think it is a good excuse to indulge in the dark side of people, which bothers me.

I hate Halloween, and anything that celebrates evil. I hate horror movies etc. I know what Halloween is meant to be about, but is still has too much evilness involved and is used as an excuse to glorify evil.

I don’t ‘enjoy’, celebrate or glorify evil.

Currently there are pictures of Halloween, horror type stuff all over social media. All glorifying dark evil stuff.

I just saw a pic of a guy I like and he is a nice guy….but for Halloween he had a picture of his eyes all black – evil eyes.

Having seen this is real life – real life evil at work and enduring a psychopath who’s eyes would become black, as he carried out his torture…..those black evil eyes, are very triggering.

So, it is up to me, to stay away from this stuff that triggers horrible memories and emotions of fear and suffering, due to real evil at work.