Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Church went well. Far more than I anticipated.

I don’t believe in many things being a coincidence. I believe fully in God’s pure love and power. Beyond anything I can comprehend.

Church today…. went really well. Friendly people. When we got there, the fellowship tea, coffee etc was happening and they have that between the end of the first service and the second more family friendly service. A few older people came and chatted with me, very friendly. I like older people.

Found out about the teenage youth group and a little about some of the people running that. One being a music teacher of a local high school. Spoke with another woman who is a youth leader, she seemed really nice. So we’ll rock up on Saturday, and drop my son off. My son is also into music and wanting to learn to play the guitar, so knowing a music teacher, is good. He is happy to be going there on Saturday.

During the very relaxed, easy going service – the Reverend spoke of N.T.Wright – who happens to be one of my favourite Christian authors/theologians, and knows 1st Century and historical context and it’s importance. The Reverend’s husband, is a big N/T/Wright fan too as he expressed to me. That was re-assuring for me to hear.

During the service, they talked about how they are welcoming and supporting two Syrian refugee families Continue reading

Interesting chat with some Christians today.

At the food bank I volunteer at, there is a mixed group of people, some of whom are Christians, some are church people.

Had a really interesting chat today with two volunteers about spiritual progression, the damage caused by right wing, fundamentalist, hard line, shame/big stick led churches. And it was interesting to talk with people who also recognise the damage, abuse, spiritual abuse this causes, and how far from Jesus this is. And know about spiritual progression and how most churches are stage 3 led, and contained within stage 3 progression and why. Continue reading


A flicker of hope? Just as I had completely given up….


I am scared to have hope. Scared to think something will be good, in case it’s not. Sacred to be disappointed. Scared to get hurt. Bottom line …….. fear. Of people.

But, I do have a flicker of hope.

This being due to the community volunteering I am going to be involved in every Wednesday and Thursday, which I feel very thankful to be able to be a part of. Community volunteering is something I have wanted to do for a long time, and now suddenly – I am going to be doing it. I’ve known since I was 20, that community and volunteering work is needed as a way of giving to others, reaching out to others, showing compassion – which is a verb.

And also I have some hope, due to the possibility of joining a community of Christians who follow a different model of following Jesus, whilst enjoying being in community and fellowship with each other. A model far more suited to me and where I am at.

I know I need to move into this slowly, steadily and carefully and not expect too much. Whilst, also keeping an open mind and heart.

Continue reading

Interesting video about how many people, actually ‘need’ a different way to walk with other Christians.


I appreciate there are Christians who understand that the usual model of ‘Church’ – is not actually what many need and why and are providing a different model that suits the varying needs of many.

Many will be those who see past the usual church model, are not at ‘stage 3’ in their faith. Your average model of church suits stage 3 people – blindly following, no questions allowed, rules needy, ‘parent’ model of church where you are expected to follow along like a sheep, believe everything you are told and not question and ‘fit in’. And anything ‘different’ to that, is not ‘acceptable’.

Cheap grace……… the ruin of many church people ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

Reading through ‘The Cost Of Discipleship’ – Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and it is challenging for me. Many terms used I don’t know, and Bonhoeffer is clearly way beyond my intellectual level, but I am attempting to take it in.

This is going to take time for me to read, and digest. And that’s okay. God, Jesus, my faith, are worth it. And I need spiritually feeding and nourishing and I need that from wise and spiritually progressed Christians.

This following section, I understand.

This cheap grace has been no less disastrous to our own spiritual lives. Instead of opening up the way to Christ it has closed it. Instead of calling us to follow Christ, it has hardened us in our disobedience.

Perhaps we had once heard the gracious call to follow him, and had at this command even taken the first few steps along the path of discipleship in the discipline of obedience, only to find ourselves confronted by the word of cheap grace. Was that not merciless and hard?

The only effect that such a word could have on us was to bar our way to progress, and seduce us to the mediocre level of the world, quenching the joy of discipleship by telling us that we were following a way of our own choosing, that we were spending our strength and disciplining ourselves in vain – all of which was not merely useless, but extremely dangerous.

Continue reading

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Yes, I am a Christian, and yes I love my LGBT friends too……a bit of a shock for some to hear….

Whenever secular (often atheists) people want to criticise Christians, they usually like to shame you first off with the assumption that you must be one of those right wing, no empathy, do not model Christ ‘anti-LGBT’ types of church people…

Well guess what…….you assumed wrongly peeps, I love LGBT people……just as much as heterosexual people….and SO DOES GOD!!!

That kinda takes the wind out their ‘I want to hate on you because you are a Christian’ sails…

I don’t go to church. Not that I am against decent churches……I just feel my ministry is not in a church, with church people…..my ministry is out in secular society…….modelling – or trying to – being a light for Jesus, by loving all.

I don’t fit into churches……I don’t feel the need to be in one…..maybe that will change……..never say never. But any church I ever attend in the future……..would actually have to be and feel and act like a church.

I lived in secular society all my life…….and actually met some far more wonderful people there……than I ever did in a church. And I am so aware of how badly church people often deal with many issues.

Including how they hurt and push away LGBT people. Which is so wrong.

For now, I am happy to chat and talk and be within secular society, and just try and model some compassion, some non hatred stuff, some honesty…..mixed up with a bit of humour….

And I know Jesus does His job, of drawing in those with willing hearts.

It’s not my job to bring people to Jesus………that’s Jesus’ job……..and I have absolutely no ego to believe that I can ever bring anyone to Jesus.

My motto is the same as the amazing Gosford Anglican Church, who promote such empathic values……

“Church people……some people are gay……get over it…….love God”.



My life has been preparing me for & teaching me since I was born ~ to reach out to and help others.

As I was just updating my Website, feeling how wonderful it is to be able to add books, resources and an organisation I am now partnering with…..

I had this thought come into my head……..

It really is my passion, my calling and what my life has been preparing me for, and teaching me…..since I was born…..to reach out to and help others.

I don’t believe for one second God wanted me to endure any of what I have endured. That would not be love and God is pure perfect love. He doesn’t ‘want’ any of us to suffer, but believes in free will and does not interfere in that….which is the reason for suffering.

But, He will ensure those who desire to love Him, and want to be transformed, will. It is those who truly wish to be transformed, He can and will use……and Jesus with help them to heal and then in turn use this to help others.

This to me, is what being a child of God is all about.

This is what prosperity is about……nothing to do with ‘getting rich’ like the TV Evangelists & the Hillsongs and the like will deceive you with…..prosperity is about whatever you are being blessed with, being blessed more with the heart to share that with others.

My life, whilst far from ‘good’ or ‘nice’ has blessed me with a wealth of life wisdom and a heart to help others…..which I do not always do perfectly at all…..far from…..but God doesn’t want ‘perfect’ – He wants a willing, teachable heart, and soul that yearns to help bless others.

I will never say abuse is a ‘blessing in disguise’……..that is applauding Satan.

But, God will use anything……..for His purposes……..and His purposes are always for our best.

Pope Francis – totally right….again! Freedom of expression, should not be about insulting, mocking, hatred, satire, sarcasm…

I really love this man, and I don’t even know him.

I just feel it.

Feel this pull towards him and what he speaks of.

I would truly love to spend time with him.

And I am aware this is a spiritual need and no doubt because I never had a healthy father figure and he is so wise.

I know I am drawn to older people…and now it is about seeking their wisdom, learning how they think, how they interact and mostly what they can teach me that God wants me to know and learn.



C.S Lewis was indeed, a very wise man. “Harmless as doves, wise as serpents”.

Christ never meant that we were to remain children in intelligence: He told us to be ‘as harmless as doves’, but also ‘as wise as serpents’.
~ C. S. Lewis

It is much needed to have deep discernment and insight, a mark of maturity and emotional intelligence. This requires stepping out of the egocentric self needs – that sadly society promotes as good and is encouraging, to keep many at an increasingly immature state. Where more darkness can occur and go unnoticed, or unchallenged.

Evil can increasingly occur, within increasing immaturity, ego and egocentricity.

Wisdom requires the capacity for honesty about self, and others.

Wisdom requires a capacity to know when we need to change our views, accept our sins and do what is fully required, to grow.

Wisdom requires the understanding of the human ego…that pesky critter that ruins many a person.

Wisdom requires we know will never be wise enough, for we will never be Jesus.

The more I learn and know, the more I know I don’t know and the more I need to learn.