Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


The perfect day :D

Had such a lovely day today – and I am truly thankful for all the good days I have now.

Started off with beach yoga, which was amazing. My husband and children came with me and they played on the beach, while I attended the yoga group 😀

Then we went for breakfast and it was lovely – and yummy! 😀

My children had their first swim in the pool of the Spring/Summer 2015 season. That was lovely seeing them enjoy the pool and have so much fun 😀

Did some gardening with my husband and we planted another new area and it looks lovely. I also spotted some beautiful flowers growing in my tropical garden area. They are stunning 😀 Continue reading


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Had a lovely few days away. A much needed family break that reminded me how blessed I am.

Had a lovely few days away with my children and husband. It was needed and as we haven’t had a holiday this year, we made the most of these couple of days.

It was beautiful weather, the sky was so blue, the beaches were beautiful and it was a good mix of busy and relaxing.

I love taking photos, so I have a gazillion! Okay, maybe more like 400.

I am blessed, and life can be as wonderful as it can be horrendous. I am aware of that and I do try continually to keep focussed on the beauty and blessings around me.

My beautiful boys, my biggest blessings ❤ ❤DSC_0512-001

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A day out at Sea World, totally fantastic and utterly exhausting.

Had an amazing day out today at Sea World, with my family. My two boys had a fab time, and it was my youngest’s first time there. I love ‘first times’ with my children. He was so excited, in that oh so cute 6 year old way.

It was a perfect day, perfect weather, the sun was shining, the day was fantastic. My children having fun and enjoying themselves and learning at the same time, is important to me.

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And it nearly killed me. Okay, exaggeration, but by about 2pm, I was exhausted. I had to sit down a lot, because I was really struggling and my back was hurting. Doesn’t help that my sleep is crap lately. And yesterday was a bad day, so emotionally already exhausted.

I said nothing, as I didn’t want to spoil the day in any way.

At one point when my children were in the new huge adventure playground, I lay down on the floor, just to rest. When you need to do self care, you just gotta do it. Continue reading


Family time.

Today, I put the Deep Heat on, swallowed some strong Ibuprofen to relieve pain in my back, and went out …. having some family time at one my boys favourite play areas “the wooden park” as they call it. It is also by the coast, so that’s nice too. It was good to get out the house and see the boys having fun ❤

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My 6 year old ❤

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The little sandy beach.

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Family time. A late afternoon walk along the seafront.

Went for a walk along the seafront with my family. It was nice to get out of the house and the kids enjoyed it – my 6 year old in particular loves splashing in the muddy puddles and the water. They enjoyed finding shells and playing Frisbee. We had a walk along the front. The weather was beautiful, the sky lovely and blue.

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My 6 year old broke my heart this morning, with his simple request.

My husband and I often take turns in the school runs. But, yesterday, I told my 6 year old, his dad and I would both pick him up. He was so delighted when we were both there.

This morning, he told me how much he loved both of us being there and asked could we always both pick him up and also take both take him to school in the mornings.

It was such a clear understanding of how much my children want us to all be together as a family…

I struggled to hold in the tears.

To think of us possibly splitting up, and then seeing my little 6 year old ask this very sweet request – that both his dad and mum be there for him….. well it hit me straight in my heart.

Tears are flowing just writing this.

Am I being selfish, considering us splitting up? Should I just tolerate the shit his father chooses to dish out to me, and just suck it up…… for my children’s sake – because they are more important?

Or, is my guilt about this all affecting my children, blurring my capacity to do what is right?

My mind changes on this hourly some days.

Hurts so much.

And then I am numb again.


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My children are my priority, so my wellbeing is a priority.

My responsibilities as a mother, to love for and raise my children to be the type of adults I know they can be, is my 1st responsibility.

That is above my husbands issues, and anyone else’s issues.

I now prioritise my wellbeing, because it is *vital* to the wellbeing of my children, and they need me to be strong.

I have no guilt over this anymore.

And as the wonderful Mother Teresa once said, if you want the world to be a more loving place, start by going home and loving your family.

She also said this…..

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Getting back on top of my cooking, baking, food expense budgeting etc.

I know I am doing so much better – because I am back to wanting to be regularly cooking, baking etc.

I was always a very organised person, and over the last 3 years – this wasn’t a priority, due to surviving my breakdown/break through… But, I am back to wanting to cook and bake and take care of our finances better 🙂

Lots of yummy, healthy slow cooker meals planned, bulk meals I can freeze etc, just like I always used to be on top of. Went to the farmers markets today and bought lots of healthy fresh veggies, herbs, lentils, barley etc.

And with the weather due to cool down a bit as we approach Autumn, slow cooker meals, become an excellent, and easy way to provide healthy meals for my family.

Organised me, is coming back!! Yay! 🙂


Fab quality family time, and my fun happy me, is definitely back :)

Yesterday, it was my youngest son’s Birthday treat at his favourite putt putt golf. My boys all love golf and this particular place we go to for special occasions, is really lovely. They have cool music playing and it adds to the fun side of it 🙂

I like to encourage activities to do for special occasions, rather than just material things/presents, and as we have no family, it’s just the 4 of us.

We had lots of fun, as always and I took lots of pics, and will make up a big collage of the best pics, and put it up on the wall.

I am focussing on making fun times, really enjoyable for my family, encouraging their fun, happy side….. because my husband is a grumpy old man, my 12 year old has teenage hormones – which are not fun, and my 5 year old is picking up on all that.

So despite the fact that my husband did something really irritating, selfish and dishonest (not unusual) just as we were leaving….. I chose not to allow that to piss me off for long and focussed on having fun – for my children ……. and it was fun! 🙂

After the golf, we went to our favourite restaurant for dinner and had yummy food, which we all enjoyed and my son exclaimed it was the “best day ever!!!”

I indulged in two Long Island Iced Tea’s… while we were enjoying our meal. Alcohol, is still one of my issues and I am aware of that, and it has increased a bit, since coming off all medications …. but…. it made me even happier and a little silly (appropriate), which my children enjoyed. And my children thought I was drinking coke.

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Healthy, happy family time :)

Decided I want my family to make use of the amazing brand new local library 🙂

Stunning brand new building, very lovely….. tea & coffee free…

Evening story time for the younger kids was great, a nice little group of about 10 kids – all cuddling up with their teddies etc…. so cute!

Lots of books, magazines, CD’s, DVD’s, toys to choose from to lend. Boys picked out books, and I picked up gardening magazines 🙂

Kids loved it, husband cool with it, and I loved it….. great family time, doing something healthy and fun! 🙂

Success!

To be repeated……. weekly 🙂