Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Why am I searching for info on my birth father? Because I want someone, to love me.

The issue of my birth father comes up for me, from time to time. I often wonder whether genetics played a big part in why I am so different to my sisters. They both have their seriously mentally disturbed father in their genetics, that I do not have as part of mine.

My mother’s sister – my aunt – gave me my birth father’s name and possible address/phone number back in 2007. I know that was the year, because I just searched emails from her and the email she sent me then, is still in my email inbox. I don’t delete personal, important emails, so I have an inbox of over 2700 emails, not deleted.

I’ve always¬†maintained I don’t want contact with him, because it could well lead to more rejection and hurt. And I am aware I am the product of an affair my mother had with him and he was already married 10 years before I was born. My aunt told me that too. And I don’t want to cause any family issues and expose possible secrets, hurt his wife etc.

But, he is my father. And I do have a right to know who he is, contact him in a careful way. And he lives just over an hours drive from where I live.

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