Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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Devastatingly sad to know children use blankets as security & safety, when raised in abusive homes.

I posted about ‘weighted blankets’ on my page just now and a survivor stated how as a child she would wrap herself up in a heavy blanket and sing to herself until she fell asleep.

I am sat writing this with tears pouring down my face, trying not to sob.

Children should not be needing to seek safety, comfort and soothing from a blanket, because their parents are so abusive and neglectful.

So, so sad. And has triggered a lot of distress to remembering myself doing this as a child. Crying, scared, alone.

A child should not live in the level of fear, being unsafe, harmed, abused, alone, distressed …… trying to substitute a blanket for what the parents are meant to be providing. Continue reading

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A song on the radio, causing horrible emotional flashbacks. Dub Be Good To Me.

Heard this yesterday and it was not pleasant. Horrible emotional and visual flashbacks of the psychopath. Flashback of a club I was taken to, owned by the psychopath’s friend. He liked to ‘show me off’. Me being around 18 and he being 25 years older. Makes me nauseous feeling like being back there.

I realise, I will always have flashbacks. I have far too much abuse spread out over decades to know them all and avoid them all. And music is often a trigger to flashbacks for me.

This song highlights how people will tolerate abusive relationships, will survive them anyway they can. This song to me represents trauma bonding.

Flashbacks, as ex soldier describes killing people with no emotional response.

Had conversation with an ex-soldier about the psychology of psychopathy and he described having learned this capacity to switch off emotions to kill people. And how he thinks this is okay and needed.

Quite frankly, that terrifies me.

That capacity to shut off emotions and end human life and cause human suffering, for whatever reason.

I can’t cope with that.

Had flashback of the sadistic psychopath, and his capacity to ‘switch off’ – to do what he wanted. It was still a ‘choice’ to cause human suffering. I could see it in his eyes, they would go black as he did all the terrifying torturous stuff. And I dissociated to cope with all the pain, all the severe abuse.

I’ve been on the receiving end of psychopaths.

And it is terror.

Numb writing this.