Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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You do not have to forgive. If you choose to – it may be a long journey – Pete Walker

As per Pete Walker – a very gifted and insightful complex trauma survivor and therapist


“There has been a lot of shaming, dangerous and inaccurate “guidance” put out about forgiveness in the last few years, in both the recovery community and in transpersonal circles. Many survivors of dysfunctional families have been injured by the simplistic, black and white advice that decrees that they must embrace a position of being totally and permanently forgiving in order to recover.

Unfortunately, those who have taken the advice to forgive abuses that they have not fully grieved, abuses that are still occurring, and/or abuses so heinous they should and could never be forgiven, often find themselves getting nowhere in their recovery process. In fact, the possibility of attaining real feelings of forgiveness is usually lost when there is a premature, cognitive decision to forgive.

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I have waves of complete sadness for disordered, abusive people…

I do have waves of complete sadness and compassion for abusive people – to the point where I cry, because I don’t want their lives to be what they are – for ‘their’ sakes.

Then I wonder if this is unhealthy and I am being pulled back into their desire for me to feel sorry for them, when I know – they do not in any way feel any compassion, remorse or guilt for anything they do. And I know they ‘want’ people to feel sorry for them, so they can continue what they are doing.

These emotions confuse me.

And I know I do have empathy for even the worst types of abusive people. Like paedophiles, psychopaths, malignant narcissists.

I struggle between having empathy……. and knowing this can be the slippery slope to what Satan wants.

I see others who think they have compassion, and mercy and forgiveness – and they enable abusers, minimize what they do, attach neutral words to who they are and what they do…… and think that’s wisdom. It’s not – it’s Satan’s work.

And I know it’s not wisdom.

But, I still can’t help feeling so sorry for anyone who is so fucked up, they choose dark, abusive needs, and enjoy it, or have no willingness to deal with what they truly are.

Some people tell me my empathy is wrong and unhealthy.

Some tell me it is good.

Some tell me it isn’t enough and I need to view them in positive/neutral ways.

I think of Christian music and songs that say everyone needs forgiveness, mercy, compassion. But so many church people and people claiming to be Christians, get this so wrong.

Yes, everyone does need mercy, compassion, forgiveness, grace ……. but in no way should that ever = enabling, condoning, minimizing, ignoring, avoiding or applying cheap grace.

I feel a great need within me – to make sure I am seeing this in the most healthy and wise way.

Am I there yet…… I really don’t know. But, I do see I am further along getting this, that many.

Forgiving someone, doesn’t mean they are no longer a giant asshole…


A post to my page, on forgiveness……. which is a subject I am very careful about…

We must remember – that forgiveness – should you choose to consider this (which is each person’s own choice) – does not in any way minimize, or justify, or condone – what someone has done… at all.

And we do not need to keep enduring someone’s ‘assholeness’ – if they ‘choose’ to keep being harmful.

We can and must have healthy boundaries – due to other people’s ‘choices’ to be harmful.

We do not need to be martyrs – to the harm others want to choose to project and inflict.

People have weird views on forgiveness….. and church people can be the worst, for getting forgiveness wrong. Particularly about how ‘quickly’ they judge you should forgive.

My journey in life, is to help not just Christians, but secular society too.

“Everyone’ needs help…… not the just select few that sit in churches every Sunday.

So, I talk with anyone and write for anyone ……. and in ways most people understand.

I don’t Bible bash at people (as mature Christians know not to do) ……. I don’t use clinical & technical words…… I’m just real and sensitive to what people need.

Forgiveness …….. is a highly emotive subject for many abuse/trauma survivors and I am sensitive and have empathy about this.

I also know how many people fuck it up when they talk about forgiveness (often church people)  and traumatise & emotionally abuse survivors further – which is very wrong and I wish those people, would just shut up.

Forgive & forget with no repentance….. every narcissistic & narcissistic church persons…demand…


This is one reason so many church people screw up so badly when it comes to forgiveness.

They think they can demand forgiveness, with no repentance and throw a bucket of cheap grace at it.

All of this……..is of Satan.

Absolutely nothing to do with Jesus, God, the Bible, or faith.

And one of so many reasons……..why churches attract abusers.